I’ve gone to find myself. If I show up before I get back, keep me here.
-Beeblebrox
“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”
If I see you before you do, should I hit you over the head with some sort of large object to subdue you???
Okay, I’ll hold all your calls. But if it’s from you, shoudl I put you through?
I think I saw you getting high with the lawn gnomes.
Damn lawn gnomes…such a bad influence.
Did you look behind the couch?
Maybe you left yourself in your other pants.
which book were you reading when you got lost?
I knew you shouldn’t of made that left turn at Alberquere.
All I have to say is, if I were you, when I found myself, I’d kick my own ass!
I’ve told you and I’ve told you and I’ve told you to put yourself back when you’re done, but do you listen?? Sometimes I think I’m talking to the wall. And don’t you forget it, mister!!
Weren’t you just here?
Maybe if you try to think about where you were the last time you saw you. Then you might know where you lost you. Or did you run away from you?
When you find yourself, how about looking for me then? I’ll start looking until you get here.
Sensuous up, could you grab me a Coke?
Let’s say I see you, keep you here, but you never come back to get you. What do I do then? And by the way, if you see me while you’re looking, let me know, because I’ve been looking for myself as well. I suspect I’m in a bar somewhere, because, although under-age, I love bars. Not just for the alcohol, I just love the atmosphere. 
Hey everybody. How you doing, Monster? Didn’t I just see you at the Dark Horse?
Wait… What’s going on? Why are you looking at me like that?
<THUD!>
Owwwww, man! That hurt! What did you do that for?!
Wait… Wait… just put it down, Monster.
<CRASH!>
Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Somebody get this crazy butt-snorkeler off of me!
<runs off with hands over head>
-Beeblebrox
“You ARE Zaphod Beeblebrox?”
“Yeah, but don’t shout it out or they’ll all want one.”
“THE Zaphod Beeblebrox?”
“No, just A Zaphod Bebblebrox, didn’t you hear I come in six packs?”
“But sir, I just heard on the sub-ether radio report. It said you were dead…”
“Yeah, that’s right, I just haven’t stopped moving yet.”
Irish accent Come back ya wee little bastard!!! I’m not finished with you yet!!! Irish accent
Sorry I’m late, I ran into some lawn lawn gnomes outside of Albuqurque. (sp?) You know how easy it is to loose track of time with those guys. Anyway, any messages?
-Beeblebrox
“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”
Albuquerque - I always pronounce it Al-boo-kware-kway in order to remember. I spell it correctly, but people sure look at me strangely when I say it. 
I also have to say bee-a-you-tee-ful to remember how to spell beautiful.
Did you look in the fridge? Sometimes your in the fridge.