Golden's Back and Garson's Got Her

Well, hell’s been a-poppin’, so I haven’t been willing or able to check in for the past few weeks. I haven’t done any searches, but I have no DOUBT that the Board have been innundated with “Where’s Eve?” “Is Eve OK?” and “Oh, Lawdy, Lawdy, How We Do Miss Eve!” threads. HUNDREDS of them, no doubt.

[Moment of silence while newbies chime in with “who the hell IS this person, anyway?”]

I won’t bore you with my various ups and downs, but if you wish, you may click on the following appropriate responses:

• Oh, you poor thing, are you feeling OK?

• But where will you LIVE?

• Wow, congrats—we KNEW you could write!

• Those bastards! You should bitch-slap them up and down the hallway!

• That bastard! Always knew he was a jerk . . .

• You look FAB-ulous, sweetie, all this has agreed with you and you don’t look a day older than when you left.

–The Prodigal Son ( -of-a-bitch)

Oh come on. Bore us.

Consider all the responses clicked.

Welcome back Eve. Yes, you were missed, of course you were. You missed having the man of your dreams from this board sweep you off your feet (better do that search now).

I think I’ll pick door number 4. Slap em hard!!

Hope whatever went on is all worked out. Take Care

Eve! Welcome back. I’ll take response #6, but I’m dying to hear about #3.

Eve! I was wondering when you’d be back!

What’s up?

That better not be Greer Garson! If I find out she’s been shacking up with YOU and not ME there’s gonna be HELL TO PAY!

Aw, shucks, Miss Eve. Welcome back.

Party at drop’s place!

"Swept off my feet by the man of my dreams?

Jack Kevorkian’s been here?

Welcome back Eve.

I for one have thought about you each and every day since you left.

Eve is back! Eve is back! Finally I can return to my smittenly crush-like ways.

So. How’ve you been, my little ray of sunshine?

We WERE terribly worried. I knew you’d been off in Seattle, so I figured you’d

a) taken up the electric bass for a retro-grunge band
b) accepted a job in a salmon cannery, shoveling fish guts
c) become a lumberjack!

Every day for the past few weeks, I’ve wondered, "when is Eve returning to grace the board with the brittle tinkle of her cynical laughter? (Or is that the other way around? No matter.)

I’m sure our loss was the Hampton’s gain, or perhaps Eve swept through the salons of Monaco and Gstaad like a wildfire, leaving a trail of broken milords and marquises; or precipitated a quayside riot in Rio, sweeping down the gangplank with her two Borzoi, Hedda and Vorkapitch.

Welcome back!

Jesus, it’s good to hear from you! [always wanted to say that] And the rest of you too, of course; Drop, Cal, Tin Man, Lion . . .

Ike, I did notice the streets of New York have been damp lately. I assumed that was from you crying me a fucking river . . .

Eve, I won’t pry despite your obvious attempt to get us prying. (There’s a first time for everything. But the list wasn’t needed. I thought that you were on an extended vacation. For all I know you really were, nothing really happened, the list was really just to pique our curiousity because you really think your life isn’t really all that interesting, and you really wanted to see how many times I could really use “really” in a single sentence in a manner that was, really, grammatically correct but really, REALLY annoying.)

I won’t make some fatuous offer to kick somebody’s ass. (Like I’d go to NYC to lose a fight over somebody I don’t actually know.)

I won’t lecture you about being old enough to know better than to get involved with that bum. (I don’t have ANY idea what happened.)

What I will do is welcome you back and tell you that I missed you, semi-stranger.

Eve, I was worried sick. Good to finally hear from you. I can now sleep again.


needspeed?
http://www.angelfire.com/indie/brainingdamage

Glad to see you’ve returned. Poor Uke was having to work double duty on the References That Make Lux Feel Dumb for not Getting Them (I still don’t get the one he made in the Alec Guinness thread, and I did a damned web search for that). Now you can spell him for a bit.

To think, on this very day that you make your glorious, Odysseus-like return (hey, sugar, can I help ya…string your bow?), I picked up the new Movieline. And at the B&N where I bought the Movieline, prominently displayed in the biography section, were about four copies of Anna Held and the Birth of Zeigfeld’s Broadway. So do with that information what you will. I also bought a Toad the Wet Sprocket CD, but that has nothing to do with anything.

Well, I for one want details. Come on, girlfriend - dish!

You’ve been in Seattle??
No wonder it’s been so nice here!

So pray tell why were you in our fair little Burgh??

Since Eve won’t tell us what happened, I think we need to make up a story about what happened to Eve. Stories will need to account for all of the sentiments in the OP.

Story? Okay. Have to mow the lawn and maybe buy a computer for my wife (grand total operational in house: 5 plus one I’m giving away–I have a little problem) so I’ll have time to think about it.

Eve: It IS the salmon cannery, isn’t it?

(Psssssssssssssssssssst…Lux! Dennis Price played the role of Louis Mazzini in KIND HEARTS AND CORONETS. He killed Alec Guinness eight times.)