Good, Bad, Ugly

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Good: Your wife isn’t speaking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She’s a lawyer.

Good: Your huaband knows fashion.
Bad: He’s a cross dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

Good: You give your daughter the “birds and bees” talk.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

Good: The postman’s early.
Bad: He’s wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You called him a putz last week.

Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her main clients.
Bonus Round: She makes way more money than you do.
I think the dopers can do better than that. But try not to be too too funny. Remember, it really does hurt when I laugh.

Don’t be sexist. The broads hate that.

2

Wally, you are truly sick, twisted and demented.

And those are the qualities we appreciate most. Go figger.

Okay…

Good: you bought a winning lottery ticket.
Bad: you lost the ticket.
Ugly: your fiance found it under the car seat, claimed it and dumped you for a steroid enhanced pool boy named Hans.

Veb

Good:

3

Good: You’re getting it on with your wife.
Bad: She tells you “size doesn’t matter” without being asked.
Ugly: She falls asleep.

Things are random only insofar as we don’t understand them.

4

Good: You finally sold a painting.
Bad: Because the buyer thinks the value will increase when you’re dead.
Ugly: The buyer is your doctor.

Where did I put that email…

5

Good: Your wife is pregnant
Bad: It’s triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago

Good: Your son is finally maturing
Bad: He’s involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He’s a cross-dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you

Good: Your son is dating someone new
Bad: It’s another man
Ugly: He’s your best friend

Personally, the third one is my favorite…lol

What matters most is how you see yourself.

6

JAG26 –

Apparently it was Wally’s favorite too. Except he posted second in his list…

Homepage: http://www.bigfuckinboatwithbadassplanes.mil
Occupation: Swabbie Pounder, First Class
Location: Anywhere you feckless landlubbers ain’t.
Interests: Navy Chow, Port of Call, The Head, Air Superiority
ICQ Number: CVN69 – An UncleBeer Profile

“Avast and ahoy, landlubbers! Shore leave’s in August. Hide your women.” – A WallySig

7

umm;… this isnt the right forum… but ahh… I just love your sigs… (hint hint)

8

Coincidently, this is the weekly contest in The Washington Post. If you hurry, you can still enter. The deadline is tomorrow.

The Style Invitational

When crime is organized enough, it’s not even against the law.

9

Sorry, I guess I was reading too fast!

What matters most is how you see yourself.

10

Good: You’ve got a date
Bad: He lives with his mother.
Ugly: She’s been dead for five years

I do not merely dance. I bewitch. I seduce. I enchant and I bewilder. Throw money.
(Gee, Wally must have seen me dance!)

11

Good: She agreed to do you.
Bad: And your friends.
Ugly: And your dog.

Good: That kidney transplant you needed came available.
Bad: On eBay.
Ugly: Your kid is selling it for drug money.

Good: The SDMB finds a way to become profitable.
Bad: By merging with another message board.
Ugly: Left Behind.

Good: Your rebellious athiest kid finds religion.
Bad: His religion requires him to move away from you.
Ugly: To Waco.

12

Good: You heard of this great doctor, you make an appointment and go to the exam room.

Bad: He tells you to drop your pants and bend over…

Ugly: Then he puts on a Johnny Mathis album.

I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

Yours truly,
aha

13

Good: You sit on your grandpa’s lap while he reads you a story.
Bad: He pops a boner.
Ugly: He stands up and your still hangin’

AND…

Good: Your gandma kisses you goodbye
Bad: Its on the lips.
Ugly: She slips you the tongue
BONUS : Then she slips you her dentures (sp?)

-N

“Oh my God! Space aliens! Don’t eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them.”
Homer Simpson

14

GOOD: You get to valet drive a brand new Ferrari.:slight_smile:
BAD: You smash the front bumper in front of the owner.:frowning:
UGLY: The owner is John Gotti.:eek:
PLOT TWIST : You’re holding the .45 auto from under the seat.:cool:

Man, Wally came up with some cool shit.