Good Christian Woman I met yesterday

The BBQ Pit
1

Hi, I met you at a mutual friends house. 3 couples, 2 children, two first time moms. Yeah, I know I am thin, but I am pretty fucking sure that you can see me since what I lack in girth, I make up for in height. To not even acknowledge someone is rude. A simple Hi, I’m so-and-so is what we consider polite in my neck of the woods. And when the other person does it to you, it’s also considered polite to not just respond with a “hi”

If you don’t have enough manners know how to properly greet a mutual guest, then guess what? I don’t want to have to spend 30 minutes listening to how you just know that the people you are going on about are such good christians, high morals, good values, ad naseum. If you are any indication, yeah, not so much.

Stop badgering my friend to go to church with you. If you were truly a good christian, you would bring your church with you, you would permeate goodness and joy and that alone would do more to bring people to you than what you are doing now.

I am sick of you fucking christians acting like complete social twits. Like the only way someone can have any morals at all is by saying it enough times. You aren’t fucking prosecuted, you aren’t repressed. The world is not out to get you, but if you keep this shoveling shit down my throat bullshit, I swear to tomatoes, I will do my best to make it a prophecy instead of a load of shit.

Here’s a fucking clue, there are muslims, buddists, jews, a thousand other religions and an astounding number of people who don’t have one at all. Stop showing how truly insignificant you consider their upbringing, culture and parents decisions as well as their own decision making mechanisms because you, you self-absorbed, rude, presumptious, fucking born again twit, feel like scratching another line in the pearly gates.

You want to save me from eternal damnation? Then don’t lie like a christian about the car you sold me, don’t stiff me, don’t act like a complete fuckwad. Look at it as a personal favor, If I am going to burn for all eternity, then at least make my sordid little life here a tad bit better by FUCKING ALLOWING PEOPLE TO MERGE.

Oh, and stay the fuck out of our schools, textbooks, government. It’s bad enough we have “in god we trust” on our fucking money. I’ll be damned if when my child is old enough to go to school,that she has to listen to some intelligent design/creationist bullshit, because you can’t bear the thought you might be outclassed by an ape.

For the fucking record, it does not say anywhere we came from apes, it says we shared a common ancestor. There is a fucking difference. I may be a descendant of Abraham Lincoln, but that doesn’t make ME Abraham Lincoln, you fucktwit.

Language. It’s a beautiful thing. Words have meanings, stop fucking with them you fucking fuckity fuck.

Oh, it’s polite to say goodbye also, but I initiated that too, and told you it was a pleasure meeting you, which it wasn’t.

You have a cute kid though. I hope you don’t rub off.

2

Rant on, sister!

3

Great rant. I especially like the Abraham Lincoln analogy. Boy those “intelligent designers” are tiresome, huh? but consistent in missing the point.

4

“See, just because your kid’s cute, that doesn’t mean you’re cute, too.”

Hey, that works!

5

Getting the obligatory not-all-Christians-are-like-this-please-watch-the-brushstrokes comment out of the way, that woman did sound pretty rude. Sorry you had to put up with her. Religion doesn’t preclude good manners.

6

In my experience, the more they yammer on about how christian they are, the less they actually emulate his teachings.

Nice rant! I’ll give it a 9.4. And next time you’re trapped in a room with her, you need to discuss your religious beliefs (as long as she brings it up, I consider it an invitation to a debate).

7

OK, that one made me laugh.

8

Excellent rant. Simply excellent.

9

Wait a minute. While you were both in the other lady’s house she failed to let you merge into traffic? I thought there were only five people in the building; how much traffic could there have been?

10

A+. I get this shit all the time.

11

Excellent rant -had a great beat and I could dance to it.

12

Are you really a descendant of Abraham Lincoln? That’s cool. And good rant too.

13

Wait - you bought a car from this person, and they ignored you? Or are you speaking about the snake oil/used-car salesperson persona of many evangelical Christians?

14

Sometimes I wonder if there is any group in the world that is less persecuted than American Christians. Between their enormous majority, influence in government and the exceptions in the law they get for “ceremonial deism” bullshit, the Christian right needs some serious brass and some seriously bitchy leaders to complain about their situation in this country.

15

Catholic priests living in the Vatican.

16

Yes, a thousand times yes. Goodness, Jesus is even credited with saying, “Wisdom is proved righteous by its works.” Which, by almost anyone’s interpretation would mean, “Shut up and prove what you are.” Some nominal Christians really get me riled.

17

Whoa! Check out the Google ad – “Intelligent Design Proven!” Well, I guess we’ve got egg on our face after all …

18

Seriously. Most of my Christian friends, you wouldn’t even know it to hang out with them, except that they pray before meals, don’t sleep in on Sunday, and when you invite them to do things, they sometimes politely decline because their volunteering for some charitable organization.

19

Oh My God I pit myself for misspelling “they’re” as “their.”

Somebody, please put me down before I hurt the children.

20

I’m pretty much sick of the ones at my work who freely put “prayer” messages all over their desks, discuss god and church in the lunchroom, have praying figurines at their desks, and talk about how they are boycotting the DaVinci Code because people might think it’s a documentary.

I’m sick of the guy dj’ing at a beach bar during my VACATION telling me he’s going to “pray” for me and then when I say no thanks, launching into a proseletizing diatribe. I’m sick of going to a restaurant in the Everglades where my friend and I were very uncomfortable because everyone kept telling us “God bless you” and not because we sneezed. Same place, they had a parking spot reserved for their pastor. Same place, a guy at the table next to us talking nonstop for 45 min. about the “power of god” and how god speaks to him. It was terrifying.

And then there’s that whole thing about religion dictating politics, hatred of gays, lack of respect for other religions, bigots, anti-abortionists, people who tell others they are going to hell, people who have a shit ton of stickers on their car such as “In case of rapture, this car will be unmanned.”

Oh, and the Xtian holidays taking over society a few times a year. I’m sick as fuck of it.

Ad infinitum.