I’ve recently started working for an exceptionally (I’m told) observant Jewish person, and I find I’ve got a) a variety of questions and b) not enough information to even formulate questions that aren’t offensive and/or brainless. It occurs to me that I know little or nothing about the Judaism, Jewish culture and the interaction thereof.
So I’m looking for a source for some good, reliable, basic background information about Judaism.
My boss is most definitely not a good place for me to garner this information.
Part of the problem for me is that I have absolutely no frame of reference on the subject, excluding information gleaned from TV and/or movies, which I distrust as far as accuracy is concerned.
He’s been out for at least one and usually two days every day for the past 6 weeks - all for holidays I didn’t know existed. At the same time, various other persons in the office who are also Jewish did not take those same holidays.
Also, there seems to be an entire vocabulary I lack.
And he tends to donate money to Jewish charities in multiples of 18 dollars, but non-Jewish charities in multiples of 25 dollars.
Hence the curiosity - also the general need to know. If I have to work closely with him (and I will, on a daily basis), I should know at least a little about what’s important. This seems to be, and I lack a frame of reference.
I’ll recommend Joseph Telushkin’s book, Jewish Literacy. The sections on American Jewish life and the Hebrew calendar/Jewish holidays will probably be particularly relevant.
And rightly so.
:eek: (I would like to know how he manages to be out two days every day )
He’s probably Orthodox (though you should ask- he might be Conservative and very observant). I’m Conservative, and only took off two days three weeks ago for Rosh Hashanah and one a week and a half ago for Yom Kippur.
Most Jews who are at all religious will take off for those holidays if possible (although they might only take one day off for Rosh Hashanah). Many people stop practicing Judaism but continue to identify as Jewish- that might be the case for some of your co-workers.
The Telushkin book and Google will help with that.
That’s numerology. The number 18 is associated (basically each Hebrew letter gets assigned a numeric value) with the word chai, which is Hebrew for “life”. 18 is considered a lucky number for that reason, and many Jews donate money in multiples of $18 to Jewish charities.
Some advice:
Don’t eat in his office, or be offended if you bring in something you’ve cooked or baked and he won’t eat any. He probably keeps kosher fairly strictly, and might not eat things that were prepared in a non-kosher kitchen.
Ask him if he’s OK with meeting one-on-one with you in an office before setting up a meeting like that. Some Orthodox Jewish men will not spend time alone with a woman who is not their wife or a member of their family.
Also, very importantly, don’t set up meetings for Friday afternoon – now that days are getting short and DST is about to be rolled back, he almost certainly will be leaving office early on Fridays. This is because Orthodox (or any observant) Jews will not work, nor operate any electricity-related appliances, between sundown Friday and sundown Saturday (the “Sabbath”)
I’m going to go out on a limb and say he’s been going to services for Rosh Hashanah eve, both days of Rosh Hashanah, Kol Nidre (the prayer said the night before Yom Kippur), and Yom Kippur. Some less-than-observant Jews only observe one day of Rosh Hashanah, and make the evening services the day before each holiday optional.
Oh, and Anne, I had a filthy sadist boss who used to schedule a two-hour meeting every Friday afternoon to make sure we weren’t sneaking out early. Grr.
Most certainly not I! Of course, here in Israel we work Sunday through Thursday… Now ask me how often I end up spending all hours in an interminable meeting on Thursday afternoon (I’m lucky if it isn’t evening)
Anyway, to the OP – whatever reason, just don’t do it…
Oh, one more thing. If you sit down to work just after lunch, and you want to get yourself a cup of coffee, don’t offer to get him one. He’ll want his black, if at all (assuming he had meat for lunch) – can’t have any dairy products for, what is it, 6 hours?, after eating meat (fish doesn’t count). He should be fine with you having milk in yours – after all, you aren’t Jewish (I’m assuming)
And, while not strictly required of you, I’d try to avoid eating any ham or shellfish in his immediate vicinity, in any shape or form. They are forbidden (and at least in the case of pork – in a strongly emotional way) to observant Jews. If you pack yourself a ham sandwich or a BLT for lunch, just don’t flaunt it.
And some of us who are saving up our vacation are grateful for our synagogues’ having a late Kol Nidre service that we can go to. The other evening services we mostly handle by having dinner after we get home, but obviously that won’t work for Yom Kippur.
I don’t eat much of anything in my office other than a muffin and the occasional cup of hot chocolate, that’s why the firm sprung for a very, very nice lunch-eating area for everyone.
Mostly it concerns me as one of my major jobs is determining when and if something requires his immediate attention. He’s the senior tax partner at a very, very large corporate law firm. I’m sort of vaguely aware that there are times when it is most definitely not all right to contact him, but the hows and whys aren’t part of my experience. I’ve been erring on the side of caution, but eventually I’m going to guess wrong - and it’ll be sooner without some framework There are some things I can tend to myself, some I can refer to another associate, some I can refer to other partners and some that absolutely require him.
I’m in and out of his office all day every day, but I’ve been careful to leave the door open - it seems to make him jumpy if I don’t.
He already leaves at around 2 - 2:30 Fridays, if not earlier, but he also tends to call into meetings and other work things either from the car or from his home for a little while. I’m guessing this is in observance of the Sabbath?
With any other boss, I wouldn’t be as bothered by it all - I’d just stick with common courtesy and some basic reasonableness, but this guy is a pain in the behind of notorious and epic proportions.
OK, I think I get what you’re asking. Obviously, you realize that, short of a life-threatening catastrophe (and I mean literally life-threatening), he won’t answer your calls from Friday afternoon through Saturday night. As soon as it is unambiguously dark out Saturday night, you should be OK calling him. In fact, I would say he probably does (or at least should) turn his phone off / disconnect it for the duration of Shabbat – you should be able to call and leave a voice message. it is probably a good idea to ask him about this; most observant Jews will not take offence if the question is not confrontational.
Actually, I just hope for your sake that this whole Saturday business isn’t applicable – there isn’t anything that just can’t wait until Monday, is there? This isn’t a hospital, after all…
As for holidays falling during the middle of the week – as of today (possibly tomorrow as well, I think Jews outside Israel observe one more day than we do here – Anne?), this should not be a problem until late March or early April – there are no more “Sabbath-like” holidays until Passover.
Leaving the door open when you go into his office is a very good idea; he’s not supposed to be “alone” with a “strange” woman. Some denominations get around this by saying an open window is OK, too – but not all, and he sounds like this is not true in his case. Also, leaving a window open, or opening it, may become copletely unpracticeable in the near future, depending on where you are located.
Since this guy is very senior (a partner of the firm?), I’d say all food products provided in the cafeteria are probably certified kosher. It’s easy enough to check – since he’s apparently Orthodox, look for a small letter “U” inside a circle on the containers (that circle is an “O” – it’s shorthand for “Orthodox Union,” which is the most widely accepted Kosher Certification. And probably no meat in the company fridge, just to avoid problems. So you probably don’t have to worry about any food you didn’t bring in yourself.
Again, I have to say, despite any appearences, most Observant Jews will not mind being asked non-confrontational, informational questions about their way of life. It could even be a decent ice-breaker – some of these guys love to explain it all to others!
True, but if Aangelica’s boss is already known to be “a pain in the behind of notorious and epic proportions”, as she described him, then she might not want to take the risk of asking him any potentially offensive question about his religion.
Fortunately, she can ask the folks here at the Straight Dope instead!
He pretty much arranges his own food - there are a number of restaurants in the area who’ll send up Kosher meals. This is New York - it’s a weird restaurant that doesn’t have a Kosher offering here.
He’s a senior partner in the firm actually, so if he really wanted to arrange it so, he could probably have just about anything his heart desired - reasonable or not.
Because it’s corporate law, there are a lot of people with issues they think are literally life-threatening. Part of my job is to evaluate how important it actually is.
Mostly it occured to me that I should probably seek to get myself some framework here.
I’d ask him personally, in the most courteous way possible, but he’s erm difficult. Not to put too fine a point on it, he’s amazingly difficult to get along with even when keeping things strictly professional and dealing only with work-related issues. He goes through assistants at the rate of about one per year - not because he fires them. They quit. Working for him is on the one hand very rewarding (both monetarily and professionally) and on the other hand can be phenomenally stressful. Let me put it like this - my firm has an arrangement with a car service company here in NYC. That company keeps a list of drivers who are willing to allow my boss in their cab - because that list is shorter than the list of the drivers who won’t. Not only isn’t he approchable, his time is severely limited. He’s a busy, busy man. Even if it were possible to ask him, he flat out doesn’t have time to answer.
So asking him really isn’t an option. Hence my search elsewhere.
I think I’ll start buying books. I’ve got today and tomorrow to read them - he’s out until Thursday.
Guys brokering billion-dollar deals aren’t known for their patience and forebearance with other people’s desire for personal time.
Although it’s sort of entertaining, in a ghoulish kind of way, to hear their blood pressure ratchet up another few notches when I tell them they can’t speak with my boss until Thursday.
Ah, the Smart Challenging Rewarding Boss Who Is Nonetheless an Exasperating Asshat Devoid of People Skills. They’re always fun. And you got one with the Bewilderingly Complicated Unfamiliar Cultural Practices options package, to boot. Good luck!
Yeah, read those books. Eat no ham. Tote that barge. Lift that bale.
grin Could be worse - at least he’s the Smart Challenging Boss Nonetheless an Asshat Without People Skills who’s Really Generous At Bonus Time. Plus it’s sort of a no-fail work situation. Even if I despise it and him and bail after a year or two, nobody will even blink. Even people in other firms are aware of his general level of asshattery. I’ve had people from other firms (and clients!) call me to check his mood and disposition before talking to him. It’s an adventure.
Plus, he bothers me less than he bothers a lot of other people. Mostly because I really don’t care about his total lack of people skills. I used to work with software programmers, coders and engineers in their early 20’s. Now there were some folks lacking in people skills. I lost my ability to be phased by Poor People Skills one day when one of those engineers suddenly looked up from his desk, pointed at me and announced, very loudly, “Holy F***!! You’re a GIRL!”
I’d worked with him every single day for over six months at that point.
I should mention I had hair past my hips and a fondness for tanktops (since our office had no air conditioning), as well as copious cleavage.
Conservative and Orthodox Jews outside Israel do, Reform Jews outside Israel generally don’t. I’ll be going to our Simchat Torah evening service tonight
)
There are some things I can tend to myself, some I can refer to another associate, some I can refer to other partners and some that absolutely require him.