The Sixth Sense revised:
Kid: “I see dead people.”
Bruce Willis, pondering how to help the kid, boards a crowded commuter train. He sits down in a seat by the window.
Some dude eating a hot dog and wearing a Yankee cap, decides to sit in the same seat. In fact, he sits right on Bruce Willis’s lap.
Bruce: “Hey! I’m sittin’ here! What am I, f-ing invisible?!?!”
Dude: Takes a sip from his coke while ignoring Bruce.
Bruce: “Holy crap, I am invisible!”
Rick (to Ilsa): I’m taking you on that plane with me to America. Victor Laszlo can have the cafe: it’s the perfect place to organise an underground movement.
Victor (to Captain Renault): Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
The crying game: “Oops, sorry! Wrong bathroom!”
Citizen Kane
“What were his final words?”
“Dying sucks.”
“Okay, let’s wrap it up, then.”
High Noon
“Give it up, Will. You can’t face four armed men by yourself.”
“Yup. I’m going.”
To Kill a Mockingbird
“Plead guilty and I’ll try to get you a reduced sentence.”
Gone With the Wind
“I’ll think about it tomorrow. Crap, who am I kidding!”
Forrest Gump
Bubba: I’ll be your friend, Forrest, but not in a homosexual kind of way.
All the *Star Wars * movies revisited:
Uncle Owen: Hey, Luke. Sit down. Here’re a couple of unpleasant facts, but it’ll save ya a lot of heartache. Darth Vader’s your dad. He got all pissed off years ago because his mother got killed, and some snatch broke his heart.
It’s A Wonderful Life
God lets George drown. The rest of the movie is nothing but his tormented screams from Hell.
Mary becomes the new “nurse” for Mr. Potter.
Zuzu grows up to be a hooker.
Uncle Billy drinks himself to death.
Even better: Star Wars begins and ends within 10 minutes:
Darth Vader: The Death Star plans are on Tatooine. Quarantine the planet. No ships are allowed to leave. Have the Death Star brought here to destroy Tatooine. Also, have the Princess executed.
Imperial Flunky #1: Yes, Lord Vader.
Schindler’s List
Jews: “We don’ wanna die!”
Schindler: “Okay! I’ll save you. Dammit, I coulda saved a few more with this ring. Oh, well.”
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier:
Spock: That isn’t God on that planet.
Sybok: Really? Never mind, then. Sorry about that whole stealing-your-ship, Kirk.
“Turner and Halvsie”
Turner: “Oh, no—I’ve been shot by the bad guy! Run, Halvsie, run! Get help!”
[Halvsie falls down on his side and frantically paddles around in circles like Curley for the next 30 minutes]
THE END
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Nearly every Bond movie:
Bad Guy: You know, James. May I call you James? I could go prattling on and on about my plans for world domination, but I really don’t have the energy. Could you just shoot me now and get it over with?
Haha! That reminds me of the classic cartoon Bambi vs Godzilla.
“The Silence of the Lambs”
Lecter: This is a view of the Duomo seen from the Belvadere.
Starling: Belvadere? As in Ohio? You were giving me a clue as to where Buffalo Bill is, right? Hot dog! Guess we don’t need you anymore! I can’t wait to tell Crawford!
or
Jame Gumb: Would you help me load this furniture into the truck?
Catherine Martin: No.
“Time After Time”
HG Wells: My time machine sent Jack the Ripper into the future! Oh well, he’s not my problem anymore. Guess I’ll write about my time machine.
“Rushmore”
“Hey Max, have you seen that new Kindergarten teacher?”
“Yeah, I’m not that interested.”
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Terrill: We’re nearing the Ceti Alpha system. What do we know about it?
Chekov: Records say a group of fanatical super-men have a colony here.
Terrill: Crap! I’m too close to retirement to take chances… let’s move on!
Superman
Jor-El (from the great beyond): “Damn, missed it by that much!” as the pod skips off the atmosphere and off into space.