The summer of 1972, between my first and second years of college I was living with my parents while I held a summer job. My dad had been transferred to the small town the summer after I graduated from high school and I didn’t really know anyone in the town. One evening while cruising the streets in my 1965 Cheverolet Bel Air I drove past a small house where two young women and a young man were gathered on the front porch. The man waived to me like he wanted me to pull over, so I did. He told me he wanted me to meet one of the young women. He introduced me to her and to his wife. The young woman’s name was Gayle and I went inside the house with them to visit.
Gayle and I began dating almost every night. There wasn’t much to do in the small town - a drive-in theater was about all the entertainment there so we saw a lot of movies. After about a month Gayle told me that she had just learned that she was pregnant and she quickly told me that I was not the father. She told me she had been with another guy before she and I met and that she had only been with the guy one time.
We continued to see each other pretty much every day and, of course, we talked about her condition and our future. I was open to marrying her but she was adamant that was not an option. She and her parents decided that she would go to a home, have the baby, and give it up for adoption. I was never sure if the plan was pressure from her parents and if she really felt that was what she wanted but she seemed set on it. I told her I still wanted to marry her and I would wait until she came back. Gayle and I spent quite a bit of time with another married couple she knew before she left and, as far as I know, that couple and Gayle’s parents were the only other people who knew about her condition. The story was that she was going to secretarial school.
The unwed mothers’ home was about 500 miles from her home town and about 400 miles from where I was going to college. The day she left, about a month-and-a-half from the time we met, I didn’t expect to see her again until she came home. Before she left, I gave Gayle a promise ring.
After a couple of months Gayle’s mother called me and said she was going to go visit her and asked if I’d like to go. I said I would like to go and offered to drive us there. Gayle had relatives in the area she was staying so we spent the night at their house and got to spend a couple of days together.
We wrote each other every few days while she was away and in our letters we continued to talk about getting married. She said the letters are what kept her spirits up and I could tell she went through some tough times emotionally but she never dwelt on her situation.
When Gayle returned home I was in college about an hour away from her. We spoke on the telephone a lot and I spent most weekends with her. After 45 years I don’t remember a lot of details about our relationship when she came home but we shopped for an engagement ring and bought one she picked out. Wedding plans were being made. Invitations were picked out, and I don’t remember for sure but I believe they were ordered.
At some point while talking on the telephone we decided that maybe marriage was not a good idea. I don’t remember the conversation exactly but I probably suggested we call it off. I was a pretty selfish guy and had probably been eyeing other girls and enjoying my carousing with friends and began to regret the proposal. I just don’t remember the details but I know that was my character. She sent the ring back to me and I traded it for a pair of speakers. I finished college, started a career and was enjoying life. Gayle and I had no communication between us.
About 4 or 5 years later I happened to be in a bar with some friends when I found that Gayle and one of her friends were there. I don’t remember if she came over to me or if I saw them first and went over to her. We talked and laughed and had a few drinks as we caught up on each other a bit. She was married and lived in a town a couple of hours away. I don’t remember what reason, if any, she gave for being in my town and out with her friend but we ended up back at my apartment. Her friend said she had a headache and asked if she could lie down in the bedroom. Gayle and I spent a couple of hours alone. I remember her telling me how nice it was to be with someone who actually meant something to her. From that I gathered she was not happy in her marriage.
After that night together I never saw or talked to Gayle again. A few years later (after I got married) I heard from her friend - the wife in the couple we hung out with before Gayle went to the home. She told me that Gayle was not happy in her life but there were no other details. She told me (or maybe I just assumed) that she and Gayle stayed in touch although they lived in separate towns. The friend had emailed me but I don’t know how she got my email address or what prompted her to write. In any case, we exchanged emails a few times talking about what all had happened in our lives but I don’t remember Gayle coming up again at all. This girl was one of those people who constantly sent out emails cc’d to everyone in her address book with funny pictures, stories, etc. so I emailed her asking (as tactfully as possible) to not include me in her group emails. She responded with something like “I won’t bother you any more.” and I never heard from her again. I apparently offended her.
In June, four years ago I somehow ran across a picture of Gayle on the internet. I don’t remember what I was searching for specifically - maybe I was just randomly searching on people I’ve known over the years which I do from time to time when feeling nostalgic. In any case, this picture was of Gayle, alone, standing in a doorway of a house. Just a typical snapshot one might see in a family album. It was interesting to see what she looked like after so many years. I saved a copy of the picture and went on about whatever I was doing.
Yesterday I searched specifically on Gayle’s full maiden name. I had no idea what her married name might be but I was curious and thought maybe I’d find a Facebook link or something. I’ve thought about Gayle many times over the years. Not with regret - just concern. Looking back I honestly don’t know if I ever loved her but I certainly cared for her. I always wondered how much she was affected by having to give up the baby and whether she was able to ever talk about it with people she loved and that loved her. I wondered if she lived an unhappy life if she was truly in a loveless marriage as her friend reported. I wondered if I could have made her happy by marrying her. And I wonder what my life would have been like if I had married her. My life was nothing to brag about in my younger years and the strong woman I married truly made me a better person. Would Gayle have been strong enough to guide me through a life I tried pretty hard to screw up? I never told anyone any details about Gayle. My wife knows I was engaged a short time about seven years before my wife and I married but I never gave any details of the relationship - she was just someone I dated and we thought we were serious for awhile.
What I found in my search yesterday was Gayle’s obituary. She had passed away in 2011 at age 56. She had apparently married a second time and I hope she was happy before she left this world.
There’s no one with whom I can share my memories of Gayle with without causing discomfort for them so I guess this will do. Thanks keyboard.
Rest in peace Gayle.