"My parent/sibling/child is Gay." Tell your story

In My Humble Opinion
1

Probably been done before, but not while I’v been here (that I know of).

My Dad is gay.

I’m a 40 yr old single hetero male. Dad came out when I was 14.

This casued some problems at first, especially with the way we found out. An affair at work. He and Mom split up. But, they got back together after a few years. So I guess Dad’s really bisexual. But, now, they’re living as room-mates more or less, not man and wife (even though they never got a divorce).

Well, as you can imagine, I had some problems with this. First off, I liked Dad, had a decent relationship with him, and could barely stand Mom. Mom’s an alcoholic/addict. But, we (older brother and younger sister) stayed with Mom, cause Dad lived in another city while they were split.

Second, I was raised a Christian, and in 1977 there weren’t many gay ministries in the South. I resented Dad for being gay.

However, things soon settled down to their normal ways. SNAFU, actually. FUBAR at times. Because I moved out right after school and became quite the party person. As I found out later, some of my behavior was subconsciously trying to prove that I wasn’t gay.

Well, as time went by, it became clear that I was a true heterosexual male. And I began to re-evaluate Dad.

I talked with him specifically about being gay. He knew he liked men while he was still in high school. Became sure of it during the European Occupation. (He served from June 1945 to sometime in 1949.) (I remember him laughing til he choked at one old war movie with Van Johnson in it, now I know why :wink: )
Then, he got religion big time which is how he and Mom met. Now, he sees himself as an old gay/bisexual guy who happens to enjoy living with Mom. (Mom’s in recovery, btw, Yeay!)

Growing up, I can look back at how good a father he was. He did make a mistake with that affair, though (IMHO). Coulda shoulda handled things differently. But, he’s a good Dad.

He took time to teach us, to play with us, to parent us.

My Dad is gay. I love my Dad. :slight_smile:

Your turn!

2

melts and gets all gooshy

{{NoClueBoy}}

Thats a great tribute to your father, and a great idea for a thread. Kudos for both :slight_smile:

3

My grandmother was gay, but I didn’t know till after she died.

4

My aunt is gay. It’s quite obvious by her life history, but it’s not discussed, period. It didn’t even occur to me until I was in my early 20s – that’s how sheltered and naive I was raised to be. The one good thing is that even with all the bigoted comments and jokes that come out of that side of the family, they never make anti-gay cracks. (Except my sister, who is a complete twit and probably doesn’t realize about said aunt, but never sees her anyway because my sister never comes to family stuff.)

5

Great thread idea NoClueBoy, sez the newbie.

Eve-- I’m curious, and if you don’t mind me asking, how did you find out about your grandmother?

6

My mother told me. My grandparents divorced in the 1930s, and my grandmother lived with a female doctor for years–good thing, too, as the doctor saved my mother’s life when she broke her back in high school.

My grandmother and I were great friends–she was a terrible mother, but a good grandmother; she died when I was, let’s see, 30-ish.

7

I never actually “found out” that a cousin was gay, but. . .

He married in his 30s, but it lasted only a few months. He lived with his mother all her life. (He was in the army, and where he went, she was with him.) He died a couple of years ago of a heart attack. At the time he was traveling with another guy and was found dead at a motel pool. He had told the guy he was going to go out to the pool and relax. Apparently had a heart attack in one of the chairs.

When my mother was telling me about it, she said something like, “Did you ever wonder about [cousin]. . .” and sorta hesitated. I knew what she was thinking, and I always said, “Yep, I had thought that was possible.” Anyway, it turned out that most of the family had thought he we was gay. Maybe he was, and maybe not (heck, a lot of the family thought I was). Regardless, even in our unenlightened time and place no one ever treated him any differently.

I also found out another cousin was Jewish (OK, that’s not scandalous, but no one had ever mentioned that he had converted from Catholic do Judaism) when he died in a chainsaw accident in Hawaii. These two cousins died within a week of each other, and ironically, the father of the cousin mentioned above also died in a chainsaw accident.)

And I also have heard rumors that my father was a perv. That’s something I don’t know for a fact, but what little I’ve heard I wish I hadn’t.

8

Ugh! I proudly say I would certainly disown any gay/lesbian/bisexual family member! I am so against homosexuality. Sometimes I just want to barf! Anyway, I know I didn’t tell a story about having a homo family member, but, I just HAD to add that. :slight_smile:

9

Go away, Nimsay.

10

Great thread, NoClueBoy. I’m sorry that I have no story to tell, though I do have a friend whose mother is gay. Her mother and father are still friends and live in the same house, though they each have their own relationships now. It works pretty well, and it’s nice that my friend has been brought up in such an open environment. Her mother and father are both nice people; I know her mother a little better than her father, and she is a wonderful, wonderful person. Then again, so is her father, so far as I can tell.

For Nimsay:http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=182566

11

I realize this isn’t the Pit, and I probably shouldn’t be saying this, probably will regret it later, but fuck that…

And fuck you. Even if you had a blood relation who was gay, you’ll never ever have a family member who’s gay. Why? Because families are based on a little thing we call “love”. People like to expand the term to “unconditional love”, but thats ridiculous. Honest love of another person cannot have any conditions, because otherwise you’re loving an image in your mind that you like to believe the other person is.

By your words, and by that definition, you love no one.
Therefore you have no family.

And therefore, at the end, when my anger and frustration are spent, I don’t hate you. I pity you.

Because I have a family. They love me, sometimes in ways that drive me nuts, but always they love me. They would do everything within their power, drop everything they feasibly could, just to help me if I needed it. Gay/straight/bi/trans/whatever they may not always understand the whys, but their love is without limits. And knowing that depth, that treasure, that simple beauty, I love them back. In my own, flawed, feeble, ever so human way, I try to reflect back a fraction of what they’ve given me. Without cost, and yet without price.

And the thought that you would scorn such beauty, walk away from such wonder, evokes only sorrow and pity.

I am truly sorry for you.

I just HAD to add that.

12

Thanks Eve, and the rest of y’all for your stories.

My sister came out shortly after I did, and we’re both lucky that our family has been really supportive after the initial shock. When my sister was single they’d start asking her things like “hey, how about that nice woman who works downtown? How about inviting her to dinner here?” It was very cute. :slight_smile:

My partner’s family has been really great, too. I love that I’m Aunt Mojave to all the kids.

13

My uncle was gay. He grew up in Kansas, deeply in the closet. As soon as he got the chance, he moved FAR away and ended up living the life he’d always wanted to. In New York. Where he was murdered, because of his lifestyle. That was twenty years ago, last month.

I never met him, but I’d like to think we would have been friends.

It was someone just like Nimsay who made sure I would never have the chance.

14

This type of post is off topic for this thread, is not appropriate for IMHO, and would be more suited for the BBQ Pit.

15

I said something or other homophobic when I was about 13 (not real homophobia so much as juvenalia, if that makes sense), and my Dad told me my aunt - his sister - was gay. Made me start paying attention and thinking about that stuff. She was always single (unmarried anyway), and I knew she lived with a woman, but my parents explained that away. I was too young/unsuspecting to have figured it out. She was in the closet until after her father died…I’m not sure of her exact age, but she was around 30 at that point. Ouch. She’s with someone now - I don’t know if they consider themselves married or what, exactly. I forget if my other brothers know. The youngest certainly doesn’t.

16

My brother is gay. I’ve been aware of it since our teenage years in the eighties - his fondness for Stock Aitken Waterman music was a big clue. He’s been out since then. He’s never had a girlfriend or tried to hide his homosexuality and I admire his bravery, particularly in his school years. I don’t really have any idea how difficult it was for him.

My parents are cool with it but they refer to his long-time partner as his ‘friend’, which is sort of cute. His partner comes to all the big family events and is thoroughly accepted (although I can’t get over his thick Brummy accent). He’s a very decent guy and he curbs the worst of my brother’s tendencies to be a bit of a twat;). They live in England and are married in all but name. My brother is godfather to my daughter and his partner will be called uncle by her. I like the fact that she will be comfortable with same sex relationships from an early age.

Now, wasn’t that nice.

17

I had an uncle who was gay, but he could never accept that about himself. Tried like hell to be straight and live the straight lifestyle. He got married right out of high school, and I don’t know what happened in their marriage but his wife moved out after a year or two and moved in with another man. My uncle snapped one day and killed his wife and her boyfriend, then himself.

I wish every day that I could have talked to him and made him accept himself for who he was.

I really miss him.

18

One of my brothers is gay and so is one of my male cousins. I don’t recall it being a big deal when my brother came out, since the immediate family already knew. I do know that he struggled though, and wish those painful experiences didn’t happen to him. He’s always been great IMHO, and I wouldn’t change a thing about him. As for my cousin, I rarely see him, but he’s a-ok in my book.

I would like to add that I am glad my brother is gay. I’ve always had gay friends, and when my brother actually came out, he even dated a few of them. It was different I suppose, but we’ve been pretty close because of it. I think loving someone gay, opens a doorway to acceptance of people for their differences, even if it’s something that is not usually taught as being an acceptable difference. I feel I am more accepting because of it, and can’t think of a negative that has come about in my life as a result of my brother being gay.

19

That’s some story, Badge. Sorry for your trouble.

20

Interesting stuff, Dopers. Thanks.

As can be seen in this thread, not all stories have happy endings. But, those are important to hear, too.

BTW, thanks Czarcasm. Though I’m often irreverent, flighty, and weird, sometimes I have something important to talk about.