"My parent/sibling/child is Gay." Tell your story

In My Humble Opinion
21

Well, I’m uncertain if they’d mind me sharing, but my Dad and one of my brothers are both gay. My Dad is a minister; my parents got married right after he graduated from college, before starting divinity school. He must have known that he was gay, but he did try to repress the feelings and lead a “straight” lifestyle, including having 5 children. At some point in the marriage (probably about 8 years into it – 1959-60), he did meet a man that he fell in love with and was actually contemplating leaving the family for. None of the kids (there were 3 of us at the time) knew about this, but we knew they were having alot of problems (as the oldest, I was about 8 then); I remembered that our parents went into therapy for several years, which ended with my Dad being called “cured.”

I think my Dad had always had affairs over the years. And of course, he was not “cured,” just back into repression mode. Until finally he just couldn’t stand it any longer, and came out in 1977. Which is when my brother decided to come out as well. My brother was 22 at the time, my Dad 48. Our parents got divorced, our Mom being left very bitter about it, while Dad proceeded to explore, eventually finding a gay partner. My two youngest brothers were still in high school when our parents divorced, and my Mom ended up letting them live with our Dad because they were so close to graduating (10th and 11th grade, I think). I think those years were hardest on them, because our Dad kinda went a bit loose at first and was drinking too much as well, but settled down after he’d found a partner. And they remained together until just last fall, nearly 25 years.

My brother’s being gay was never a problem for me at all, although my Dad’s gayness was, for longer than I’d like to admit. :frowning: Actually with my Dad, it’s not so much his being gay as his personality that makes him hard to deal with. If that makes any sense. We’ve had several arguments over the years, some of which have had some to do with his lifestyle, but most of which revolved around other completely separate issues. The break-up with his partner of 25 years has, of course, been very hard on my Dad; he seems to do better when in a committed relationship. He and his ex are trying to remain good friends, I don’t know how that will work out, but so far it seems to be doing so.

My brother and his partner have also been together nearly 25 years; they have a good committment to each other and have made major purchases together (condo, car in both their names together), and really complement each other. I’m glad that my brother has been blessed to be in such a committed relationship.

So there you have it… Dad and brother, and I love em both. Oh yeah, my Dad wrote a family history several years back, going to his mother’s parents and coming forward; one of his mother’s brothers was gay, and there are several gays and lesbians among his first cousins.

22

This is a really nice thread, NCB, and a sweet way of appreciating our loved ones.

My best friend in the whole world is gay, which did not surprise me a whole lot when she actually came out and said it. I knew she was deeply and personally involved in gender studies and gay rights issues. Of course, lots of straight people are interested in gay rights, too (myself included), so I didn’t actually jump to any conclusions. To be honest, her sexual orientation wasn’t really something I thought about much. I figured it was her business, and left it at that.

We met in college and had been close for about a year, when she came out to me. She had been single as long as I’d known her, but she was now starting to date someone, and was trying to figure out how to tell me that the person she was dating was a girl. After several weeks of her referring to her new girlfriend in genderless terms (e.g., “That person from the bookstore asked me out,”), and hoping that she finally sent me a long e-mail, that basically said “You’ve probably guessed this, but…”

I wrote her back something encouraging, and reassured her that whatever sex she’s attracted to, I love her.

She replied that she would have said something sooner, but for the fact that I’m from a conservative, rural part of the country.
She was joking. And I totally didn’t get it. I thought she seriously expected me to be homophobic, simply because of the place I grew up (where, indeed, a lot of people are homophobic).

So, we had an odd, confused little exchange, in which she tried to soothe my hurt feelings, and I tried to get over being ashamed of my hometown. As it turns out, the REAL reason she didn’t tell me sooner, was that she’s taken so much crap from homophobes in the past (particularly her own family) that she was very cautious about telling anyone.

In the end, it all worked out.

Nuff of the past. As for the present, her SO (a different one - the person from the bookstore didn’t work out) is one of the coolest people ever, and they recently made a commitment announcement… So, they’re engaged, I guess, except that they can’t legally get married. But that doesn’t seem to upset them too much; they put the main emphasis on the emotional commitment they’ve made to their relationship. So they’re happy, and I’m happy for them. Yay! :slight_smile:
Love to all,
Kn*ckers

P.S.: Hugs and best wishes to those whose stories have less happy endings.

23

Gah. A correction:

Sorry about that.

24

My oldest sister is a lesbian.

She’s a good bit older than I am, so when she came out to the family, I was pretty young, still. Maybe 9 at most.

My mom handed me the phone one day and told me my sister had something really important to tell me. From her unusual seriousness, I thought something really horrible had happened.

The conversation went something like this:

Sis: Hi. I have something important to tell you. I’m a lesbian.

Me: So?

Her: Do you know what that means?

Me: You like girls and you don’t like boys.

Her: Um, yeah. It doesn’t bother you?

Me: No. {thinking, why would who you date bother me? You are still my sister, and you are still the same person as 20 minutes ago, the only difference is now I know - the only real change is on my side, not yours… not that I said this out loud, just thought it.}

Her: Oh. Okay. Can you put mom back on?

A few months later, she moved back to our town (she was out on her own by then). She hung out with me a lot, took me to a gay bar during the day once when she needed to pick something up from a friend (I got to have a soda at the BAR! Kewl!), and generally hung out with me, being a great big sister (yay, rides on the back of a moped! Going to the park! Hanging out at her place! Talking about life and stuff!). She was just cool.

Years passed, and she went through a bad relationship breakup, serious physical illness, and a change of life direction. Still a lesbian, but now more content and at the same time, more intellectually and professionally driven (more who she was at core). She met a wonderful woman, and eventually invited me down to meet her (visit crossing her graduation, too).

Years more passed, and they moved nearby again (professional move this time, she’s a director at a major accounting/consulting firm). They come up for birthdays, holidays, and just because. They’re great aunties for my boys. My sons adore them, and my older son was never more outraged than when he found out at the ripe age of three that they couldn’t get married just because they were both women. He was red-faced with fury over that.

Now, they’ve passed their 20th anniversary. Still a lovely ‘old married couple’, without the papers (not that they’re that old, really). Still a great role model for stable, healthy, loving relationships. Now that she’s a corporate bigwig, a little less ‘cool’ in the cachet sense - just a real person, a regular person, and my big sister.

25

My sister is gay. My parents already knew and they handled the situation really cool. They accepted and supported her. My sister told me and my bro while we were having dinner at a restaurant. I wasn’t angry or something, I was disappointed. I was disappointed there would never be another guy I could get friends with in my family. That was the first stupid thing I thought. I didn’t want to think of the wedding…
And then I somehow began to dislike her because I always had a problem with lesbians (not gay men!). This has something to do with 2 teachers at my school. Every morning they looked at me with this “Iam-gay-and-you-are-straight-and-I-know-you-think-you-are-better-and-because-we’re-a-minority-and-different-you-will-make-fun-of-us-but-I-won’t-give-you-a-chance-to-make-fun-look” (it is the same with some jews, they want to be offended and just wait to defend themself). They were really sensitive (maybe wrong word) especially when I said a word that sounded similar to gay or lesb. Adding to this their lesson were strongly influenced by their feminist attitude (they neglected boys and girls who were too obedient for their taste).
I still hate them, but I figured out that this behavior has absolutely nothing to do with them being gay.
So I became wiser, accepted the way my sister is and everything is like it was before here coming out (my cool great sister! :)). Sometimes I feel pity for her and all the others, since it seems to be a lot harder.
In school I avoid these two feminist teachers. Another lesb came and I really get along with her very well.

So there will be 3 fiancés in our family :slight_smile:

(note that it took me days for this process. not years)

26

Hm. I don’t exactly remember how I found out my cousin was gay. It just kind of…was known. He’s always been completely open - doesn’t flaunt it, but doesn’t avoid the topic. This past spring, my younger half-cousin (or something) was listening to a conversation, when he suddenly got this shocked look, and whispered to me, “You mean [cousin] is gay?” I expect that my moment of realization was something like that - kind of “Oh, he’s gay. Okay.”

Looking back on this, that was kind of how I realized I was bi. I do have a sort of ‘eureaka’ moment for that, but it was horribly lame - I was in the showever, pondering life in general, and something clicked, and I suddenly had a name for a significant part of my life. “Hey, I’m bi.” I feel kind of cheated - the angst didn’t come until much later, and that makes me feel as if I’m a second-class non-hetero.

27

My dad is gay. I found out when he moved out of the house when I was 16. He had told my mom about a year and a half before, and they had tried to make it “work” for that time, with him spending some nights “at the office”, and some nights at home.

I was REALLY mad for the first couple of weeks (I’m the oldest of three, siblings were 13 and 10 at the time), despite the fact that I knew that I was gay, as well. I was mad at him for “ruining our family”, as I grew up in a very conservative, affluent town.

He and I are now very close, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

28

My cousin is gay. In my family everyone is really close, so she felt comfortable telling everyone pretty much after she realized that. But for some reason, nobody told me until TWO YEARS after she came out. The more amazing thing is that I never realized, since she always brought her girlfriend to parties. So aside from some initial irritation that nobody thought to tell me for two years after everyone (including my younger brother) was told, it wasn’t a big deal.

Except with my Nana. She makes a big deal about being Tolerant and Accepting To Your Grandchild but you can tell, in the little aside comments, that she finds it weird. sigh

29

My boyfriend is gay.

.
.
.
Seriously, that’s the best I can do. Everyone else in my family is a raging hetero. I basically have three infant cousins I’m holding out hope for, and that’s it.

sigh aaaaaaaalll alooooooone…

30

I sooo want that t-shirt. “I’m not gay, but my boyfriend is!”

31

I hope I don’t upset anyone, but I just had to comment. You are probably gay yourself and desperately trying to convince yourself that you aren’t. That is probably why you are so hostile.

Anyway, onto better things :slight_smile:

My cousin is gay. My, I have noticed how many cousin’s are gay in this thread. She didn’t come out until she was 30. When she finally told us, she said she had known since she was around 18. She desperately tried to lead a “straight” life, including having a boyfriend for 3 years. However, every time anything would come “up”, pardon the pun, she would break up with him, only to try again.

Through the ups and downs of her straight relationships, she finally realized that the only way to find true happiness was to fall in love with a woman. She eventually did this. They have been together now for 5 years and I have never seen her as happy as she is now.

It has been hard for her mom and dad. I asked my aunt and one of the things she said to me was “it’s hard to know she will never have a wedding or children of her own”. I feel for my aunt and uncle, alot, but my cousin’s happiness is just as important as theirs. The rest of the family appear to have had no problems with her sexuality at all.

Peace and love to all!

32

My cousin is gay. Actually, a couple other relatives are gay too, but this is the story I want to tell.

No one was surprised when my cousin came out. At least, I wasn’t, and my mom, who told me, wasn’t. She had been tomboyish, but I don’t know if that’s a standard thing with lesbians. The thing was, she never was interested in {boys|guys|men}. So, when she came out, it was just another bit of information to remember.

Then she got a stalker. She was heavily involved with the gay/lesbian organization from her university, and was voted the senior class president. Due to some circumstances involving these leadership roles, she was “noticed” by some fucking psycho asshole who decided that calling her up and making death threats was a good idea. This is not a Good Thing.

But, she and I bonded. At a family get together, she looked tired. I mentioned that I had heard she had a stalker. She proceeded to tell me story. I became enraged.

It took me more than twenty minutes to calm down, even with my wife and my cousin trying to get my temper in hand. I was angry at this man. He had still better hope I never figure out who he is. I’ll do something worse than track him down. I’ll sic my uncles on him. He’ll wish the police had caught him.

Anyway, she’ll be graduating on Saturday. I can’t wait.
A funny bit: I’ve been trying to put together a coed soccer team, and she (and her girlfriend) was the first person I thought of.

She broke up with her girlfiend recently. Now all my family says “I guess you have to find one more player, huh?!” Bastards.

I met her new girlfriend this weekend. She introduced herself as “the one who doesn’t play soccer”.

I swear, I can’t catch a break.

33

Many women who have met my brother have been smitten with his good looks, charm, and charismatic manner. Many have commented that, after discovering he was gay, that it seemed like a perfectly good waste of such a good looking man.

We have a good time whenever we get together and apparently, I often come off as being more gay than him. A few of his friends have bemoaned the fact that my being straight seems like a perfectly good waste of a good looking man.

Neither one of us minds that members of the “wrong” gender finds us attractive and consider it a compliment… my brother says it’s becase we’re both “fabulous”.

We like to drive my sister crazy when we go out, ditzing here and there… cultivating the right accent, and getting giddy over sales in shops. We’re bad.

A funny story…

We were hanging out at his friends place one afternoon and there was a knock at the door. A friend of his friend came strolling in wearing high cut Levis and a yellow muscle shirt and he immediately starting going on about the night before.

Apparently he had been out to one of the clubs and was having a good time. Around closing time he sauntered over to talk to a guy who politely informed him that he was straight.

He proceeded to tell us how pissed off he was by saying;

“we build all these fabulous clubs, have the most fabulous music, and we are always getting taken over by straight people… and now it’s getting so bad I can’t even tell them apart anymore.”

My brother and I actually had to leave the room because we were laughing so hard at the “it’s getting so bad I can’t even tell them apart anymore”.

It described us to a T.

He’s been HIV positive for more than a decade but to the amazement of his friends and doctors, has remained healthy. Last time we talked, he said that his recent blood tests couldn’t even detect the disease.

This is quite the departure from some years ago when his health was declining and he was making his own funeral plans. The only piece of jewellery I wear besides an earing (Lola wears it’s match) is the gold ring I wear on the middle finger of my right hand. It was a gift from him when he thought that his days were numbered and something he wanted me to have. It never comes off and many people have mistakenly asked why I wear my wedding ring on the wrong hand.

I love that guy… my brother that is.

34

My sister is a lesbian. We were driving home to my parents house one weekend and she told me. I was like “Duh !” She was always a tomboy and never had a boyfriend. I finally found out the reason that she and her best friend from High School had a falling out. My sister had a huge crush on her and was brave enough to share her feelings with her friend. Apparently it really creeped her out and they hardly spoke after that.

My Aunt always told my Mom my sister was going to end up gay because she never made her wear dresses or feminine clothes. She came out to the Grandparents shortly after that trip. The one we thought would freak out ended up being the most accepting. Go figure.

There was always this running joke in our family… I married the convict, my cousin married a black guy, my other cousin had a child out of wedlock, so the only thing left for my sister was to be a lesbian. My Mom felt really bad for repeating that all the time after she found out that it was true.

My sister has been “married” twice. I think the current one is gonna stick. I have met a lot of friends I never would have come across if it wasn’t for going to our local gay bar with her. I would say she has had mostly positive experiences. She did just quit her job about a month ago because her supervisor was talking about her “lifestyle” with other employees. That wasn’t the only reason - just the straw that broke the camel’s back. Sis performs Drag King shows - someone asked her where she worked and she reluctantly told them - while on stage. It got back around to the supervisor. She then told people it was embarrassing and she didn’t think my sister should be associating their place of employment in a gay bar. If it was a straight bar they would have considered it publicity. Sorry got off on a tangent there. :frowning:

My Aunt is also a lesbian, but very much in the closet. She claims she isn’t out because of where she lives. That they aren’t accepting. She lives in California ! WTF ? Our family has been saying that she was ever since I can remember.

Great thread BTW !

35

I’m gay! :smiley:

Seriously, I thought for a long time my cousin was a lesbian - no boyfriends for 40 years. Then suddenly she has a boyfriend, they’ve living together… all very confusing to the rest of the family.

I wish I had some gay relatives! :frowning:

Oh, and I think my Evil Sister is bisexual, but she’d never admit it. I think that’s why she’s so bitter. :slight_smile:

Esprix

36

Hmmm…

no “my child” stories yet…

37

I could try to get my mom posting, NCB, but she’s worried about this whole InterWeb thing and I’m not sure I want her reading some of the things I’ve posted :wink:

38

:wink:

39

My oldest son once said that he wasn’t going to have any children, because he was going to marry his best friend (another boy). I smiled and said “OK”. He was four or five, though, so I don’t know if that counts. :slight_smile: Hopefully I’ll be able to react the same way if he repeats it when he’s old enough to know what he wants.

40

My best friend from high school is gay. We were really close in that nobody-else-understands-me kind of way and spent a lot of time alone together. I used to wonder (I was very naive) if we were dating. It didn’t feel like dating, but I didn’t have any other paradigm for a boy and a girl being so close. Then he went off to college and had one of those revelatory weekends where he slept with a girl, decided he was in love, got drunk, woke up with a guy, and decided he really was in love. He wrote me a very long letter about all. I couldn’t figure out what I was feeling, because I’d never encountered most of this stuff before (naive, as I said, and I was probably a little in love with him). Then he added a PS: “If you write back, I’ll be interested to know what you think.” I’ll never forget what a horrifying realization that was–he thought I might write not even write back.