Goodbye sweet Gouda.
Tonight I put my cat Gouda to sleep. She was 17. She had been going down hill since my cat Sleestak passed.
For a while Gouda had been losing weight. She ate some, but not as much as normal. She was slowing down but still got around. She would come up for love, stay with us on the bed. But ever since her sister Slee left, she wasn’t quite the same. She went deaf. My poor girl. But she seemed happy and wasn’t in pain.
Gouda and Slee were sisters. As I talked about here, Slee and Gouda meant more to me than just pets. They were my tribe and they kept me going through the dark days.
Now I am the last of my original tribe.
When I went to feed Gouda tonight she didn’t move. I picked her up and put her in front of the food and she tried to walk. And fell. And broke my heart because I knew it was time to let her go.
So we went to the vet and I held her. I couldn’t tell her how much she meant to me because she couldn’t hear. I told her anyway. I hope she knew. And the vet put Gouda to sleep while I held her in my arms.
I have a new tribe, my wife and the family we are building. We have Roadkill, a gigantic stray we took in a couple years ago. We have Filmoore, the cat my wife fell in love with from browsing cat websites. Filmoore is a munchkin, short little guy. We have Cha Ching, Nani and China. They are Chinese Cresteds that my wife had before we met. And we our latest addition is Ursula, another stray who found her way into our family via a drainage pipe in our yard. I think Ursula is going to be my girl. She seems to be attached to me and she is the sweetest thing. And, if things go well, we should have a child (or two) in a little while. We are going through IVF.
They are my new tribe and I love them dearly, more than I can express. Yet, Gouda and Slee were there before. They were there when I had nothing. They loved me when I wasn’t lovable. They found me worthy when I was worthless. They gave me strength. They gave me love. They did all this when I needed it most and they didn’t ask for anything in return other than food and love.
I hope the IVF works. I hope, one day, to tell my children about my life and how all those that you love are part of your family, even if they aren’t human.
And I hope Sleestak and Gouda are together again. I don’t believe in god, or an afterlife, but I sincerely hope I am wrong because I want to see my girls again. I want to see all my family and friends that I have lost. I want to tell each of them what they meant to me and that the world was a brighter and better place because they were in it. I want to tell them I love them. I want to tell them what an honor it was to know them and call them friends.
Slee
