One of my sister’s cow-orkers came to work last year as Tippi Hedron in The Birds. Sweater set, pearls, maybe gloves, a blonde wig. Then she wired faked blackbirds all over her. My sister said it was wonderful.
StG
The OP said he was going to a “cum birthday party,” so I would recommend this.
You win the internet.
Tie a knot in each corner of a white handkerchief and brush up on your John Cleese impersonation. Use shoepolish to make a Chaplin/Hitler-style 'stache. If you happen to have a pair of lederhosen and a jumper, or a pair of suspenders and an old-fashioned long-sleeved undershirt, so much the better!
Repeat after me: “My brain hurts…”.
Make a duck bill out of a paper plate and a yellow marker. Attach it to your face with excessive amounts of red electrical tape. Tell everyone you are Congress.
Wear normal clothes, but tape big hunks of brown styrofoam onto them until they cannot be seen. Tell everyone you are Pennsylvania’s own Santorum.
Wear a black robe. Paint a skull on your face. Wear a snorkel. Carry a scoop net. You are the Death Of Goldfish.
Wear a bath robe. Bring a hot water bottle. Use makeup to make your nose red. Sneeze. Cough. Speak as though congested. Explain that you are Pestilence. Ask if War, Famine, or Death have shown up yet.
Pop the heads off of six dollar store Ken dolls. Wear them on a necklace. Buy ten cheap plastic party favor horns. Wear those on another necklace. You are the Beast of Apocalypse with seven heads and ten horns.
Wear nothing but a sock. Sing the hits of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Peel the various stickers off of your computer (Intel Inside, etc) put them on your arms and face. Explain that you are a cyborg.
Buy the jumbo size can of Quaker Oatmeal. Cut out the Quaker’s face and wear it.
Wear all white and a white cardboard coronet. Tell people you are a rook. Don’t move diagonally for the whole night.
Wear a white t-shirt with HELL written on it in big letters. Then, wrap elaborately knotted rope around yourself. You are . . . hellbound!
Dye an old shirt bright purple. Cut a pair of cardboard wings and satefy pin them to the back of the shirt. Wear it with an eye patch and a propeller beanie. Carry a bicycle horn and eat gingerbread men.
You are a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater.
Wear all black. Tape some socks and maybe a pair of underwear to yourself.
You are static cling.
Mildly offensive:
Wear a suit and a pair of cheap joke-shop handcuffs. Tell 'em you’re Tom DeLay.
More offensive:
Someone we knew in college got a large garbage bag and cut holes for his arms and head, and pulled it over his street clothes. He went as “Poor White Trash” (obviously this only works if you’re caucasian)
Less offensive (I hope): a flasher. Got a trench coat or other overcoat? Wear shorts underneath so your legs are bare. Go around and “flash” the other attendees. If you have time, pin a big fig leaf to the front of whatever you wear underneath. Instead of shorts, you could wear just tighty-whities, or a thong, or whatever. As an embellishment: we saw fake plastic breasts and butt in a costume shop last week, those would be fun to wear under the trench coat (my daughter is quite disappointed that I elected not to purchase the fake boobies for myself or for my spouse).
Glue a round piece of yellow cloth to a larger piece of round white cloth. Put it over your head and make eye holes.
You are a fried egg.
I’m at work and not drunk…and oh my gosh I am laughing so hard. I recommend this one. If I were a man I would be this one all the way. I’m recommending this immediately to every guy I know.
One HalloweenI wore a Santa Claus coat with a nude body stocking under it and high black boots. I spent the night opening and closing the coat as I was the “Flashing Santa.”
Enzyte Bob. It doesn’t matter what you wear, as long as you can keep that big smile plastered on your face all night.
Also keep the cucumber in your crotch
Buy a Superman t-shirt, the kind with the big “S”.
Wear a suit, tie & hat. Add glasses. Take a piece of white paper, & write “PRESS” on it, in big black capital letters.
You’re Clark Kent, & go around yanking your (partially unbuttoned) shirt open to expose the Superman “S”.
Bring a spatula and various cooking impliments. Get a barbecue apron. Write Fe on it. You are an Iron Chef.
Carefully cut the tops and bottoms out of two beer cans, and fold the edges of the cans inward. Now attach the cans to the frames of an old pair of sunglasses. Constantly tell everybody how hot they are.
Wear either a black shirt and light brown pants, or a light brown shirt and black pants. You are a black and tan.
Write Kaazaa or Morpheus on a t-shirt. Walk around giving people nail files and winking conspiratorally.
Wear a dark suit with a white shirt and dark tie. Use an old telephone handset cord and an old earbud to make an earpiece. Wear dark glasses. Ask if anybody has seen Mr Anderson.
Get a shirt several sizes too large. Stuff pillows in it. Get a broom handle. Go as the Star Wars kid.
Black pants, a white short-sleeve dress shirt and a red tie.
Put a little red ink stain in the pocket and get a name tag from an ‘electronics’ store with the name ‘Shaun’.
You’re Shaun of the Dead. (optional bring a cricket bat)
Get an old white sheet and cut lots of holes in it. Wear it ghost-style and carry a pillowcase or trick or treat bag with rocks in it.
You are Charlie Brown from the Peanuts Halloween special “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.”
Key lines: (gesturing towards costume) “I had a little trouble with the scissors.”
“I got a rock.” (looking in bag)
Euthanize a houseplant. Take the plastic pot it was in, wear it on your head. Presto! You are a pot-head.
At a biblically themed party, two friends of mine dressed in blue. They made a really large red “C” out of construction paper and cut it into two parts. As soon as they arrived, they walked to opposite sides of the room, thereby “parting the Red C.” Well…it was a LOT better than all the guys in bathrobes who came as Moses…
And there’s always the “come as you are” version of a homicidal maniac–after all, they look just like everyone else.
Ooh, I like this one! No comic character is sexier than Clark Kent. Bonus: you can chat up the partygoers by offering to guess the color of their lingerie. (If anyone objects to this rather ungentlemanly behavior, you can always cop to having been exposed to some bad krypton.)