I habitually have the hardest time coming up with decent Halloween costume ideas for myself. Now Halloween has snuck up again, and I’m going to a costume party cum birthday party in Philadelphia, with no idea so far what I’ll be going as. I don’t want to rent a costume; I’d rather cobble something clever together from household items and drugstore costume accessories. Last year I went as Arthur Dent, complete with bathrobe, towel, cup of tea, and British accent. This year I’ve got no clue.
So what kinda cheap and creative suggestions do y’all have for a tall white guy in his late twenties?
Last year a few of my girl friends each painted an eye black and wore T-shits with a P on the front. They were the black eyes peas. It was very last minute, but they were more of a hit than another friend who rented an atrocious (sp?) gypsy costume for $80.
Take some old clothing. Tear it up. Singe holes in it. Rub mud into it. Create wet spots. Whatever. Then, in marker, write “I survived [insert recent natural disaster of your choice here].” Carry accessores indicating how you survived (small paddle, fire extinguisher, etc.)
…I know, not terribly PC and there’s bound to be offended persons. But it’s cheap and easy. And a co-worker did this during the really crazy California wildfires a few years back, and most people thought it was hilarious.
I think I decided today to go as “Professor” Saddam Hussein. I’ll wear my dark suit without a tie. It helps that I’ve got a beard, but you’ve got time to start one.
Dress normally, but whenever anybody looks at you, move quickly in a different election. Tell people that you’re an electron.
Wear a monocle, crown, and a cloak. Speak with a German accent. Tell people that you are the King of Prussia. (See, there’s a Philly suburb by the name King Of Prussia. The average person has no idea how the suburb got the name. But, they will get the joke).
Wear a cubical box painted a white. Wear a big handlebar mustache and speaka wit a heavy accent, justa likea a good Italian stereotype. Tell people you are “Eye-talian Ice”.
If you look at all like Sylvester Stallone, a grey sweatsuit and a dark blue ski cap are the classic Rocky costume. In fact, every year hundreds put it on and participate in the Rocky Run. Yell “Yo! Adrian!” a lot.
Alternately, you could get some cheap hair dye and be Burgess Meredith. “You gotta eat lightning and crap thundah.” and “I got a greasy Eyetalian monstah!”
Blacken your clothing and give yourself an Einstein hairstyle. Bring a diamond kite.
Get a large slab of cardboard. Cover it with a paper table cloth, like the kind you see in the party aisle. Tape down paper plates, forks, cups, party favors, etc. Cut a hole in the middle for your head. Cover the hole with an upsidedown round hat box and decorate it to look like a birthday cake, leaving a slit for you to see out of.
Slip your head into the hole. Presto! You ARE the birthday party.
You might have to spend a lot of time sitting down quaffing beers under the table so that people can fully appreciate your costume, but sometimes you have to suffer for your art.
Get a big, cheap percale sheet and a matching pillow case then get a cross… nah… never mind
Best cheap but amusing “costume” I ever had was some 2 foot long sections of those plastic, multi-colored glow in the dark light sticks. They were fairly flexible and I wove them into a headband arrangement with long antennas sticking out. They wiggled like crazy when I walked and glowed in the dark. Ladies loved them. I was the too cool for school Roach King.
They work best if you wear street clothes with them, and refuse to acknowledge them while shopping and doing errands Halloween day.
Wear some pants. Just pants. No shirt, no shoes. When someone asks you what you are, say “I’m a premature ejaculation!”. When they stare at you, frightened and puzzled, explain “I just came in my pants!”.
Well, I thought it was amusing when a friend of mine did this last year, but then Iwas pretty drunk.
Take a clean, clear office building trash bag. Cut leg holes on the bottom, and get in it. Then cut arm holes in the sides near the top. Put your arms though it. Then blow up a package of small colored latex balloons and put them inside the bag until you can’t see your body. Now, gather the top of the bag closed around your neck and secure lightly with a ribbon or something. You are now a bag of jelly beans.
Wear all black. Pull a pair of black pantyhose over your head. Stand behind other people and mimic their movements.
Get some old clothes. Put big globs of glue on them. Then, wrap big loops of toilet paper around yourself. Explain that you have no costume and that those dang kids egged and tp’ed you.
Wear only a loincloth made from a piece of pizza and some string cheese.
Carry a hot dog and a beer mug. You are Frank N Stein.
