Got Any Good 'Teaching Kids How To Drive' Stories, Tips?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Oh, and driving lessons are not the time to discuss his lousy grades, his friends who you don’t like, that you think he dresses like a slob, that he doesn’t help out enough around the house, that he spends too much time watching TV or playing computer games, that you don’t like his college plans or lack thereof, or any other topic that might be emotionally charged for either of you. You want to keep strong emotions out of this as much as possible. If you do discuss anything other than driving, it should be confined to emotionally neutral or positive topics for both of you.

Make sure he knows that what happens in a driving lesson stays in the driving lesson, and that you won’t discuss it with your spouse or friends, or his friends or siblings. The lack of that potential embarrassment might help him. He’s a nervous new driver, and the threat of embarrassment is just going to make him more nervous, which isn’t going to help. He may, in fact, have put off trying to get his license as much out of nervousness as out of laziness. Don’t threaten to humiliate him if he doesn’t learn fast enough, either- that will make him more nervous, and more nervousness probably isn’t what’s needed here. That feeling of “I’m immortal, nothing bad can happen to me” that some teenagers have, including when they are driving, is very well known, but that doesn’t mean they all have it. I didn’t, and your son may not, either.

If this is something that can be fixed, but you’ve been willing to live with it, now may be the time to get it fixed. You really don’t want to make this any harder than it needs to be- it’s hard enough for a new driver.

Get the car checked out by a good mechanic and get any potential problems fixed, to avoid a scenario like this. It’s additional stress, which is not what’s needed here. It’s scary the first time something goes seriously wrong with the car while you’re driving. You’ve been driving for a while and already had that first experience and learned firsthand that it’s not the end of the world. A new driver has not.

He’ll have time to learn how to deal with cars that are not in optimal mechanical condition after he gets the basics of driving down. If you can’t get your car into optimal condition, I would strongly recommend a driving school that has a car that they provide.

Not any more. Most schools have cut out driver’s ed, mostly for budgetary reasons.

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I also suggest you give serious consideration to having someone else teach him.

I still remember my very first driving lesson. Mom in the passenger seat, 7yr old brother in the back.
“Okay, start the car.”
“How?”
“What do you mean you don’t know how to start the car?!”
“I’ve never driven before!”
Later. . .
“Look out! Don’t hit that car! Don’t hit that tree! Watch where you’re going! Go ahead and give it a little gas - not that much gas! Look out, there’s a stop sign ahead! Stay in your lane!”
Culminating in. . .
“Pull over. I just can’t do this. Your father is going to have to teach you. Watch out for the curb!!!”
I made it seven blocks on neighborhood back streets with no traffic. My brother still laughs about how he was convinced we were going to die (while going 15mph).

To this day my mother has problems riding in a car with me behind the wheel. (I’m a good driver - honest!)

My dad took me to a parking lot and for a spin around the neighborhood with no problem. All the remaining driving I did with my permit was under the auspices of a drivers ed teacher.

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[QUOTE=Dung Beetle]
Oh, Critical, I have a question: I was taught that when you’re backing up, or otherwise need to see what’s behind you, you look in your mirrors but you also turn your head…whatever it takes to see what’s back there. My husband says I should teach the girl to use her mirrors so that she will never have to turn around. Which is best?
[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=WhyNot]
OMG! My driver’s ed teacher would have our HEADS if we didn’t turn around! There’s too much you don’t see in the mirrors, and the right/left is all wonky if you’re looking into a mirror! Our first day of driving in the parking lot at school, he told us to turn all the way 'round and then drive FORWARD! Of course we balked and told him he was crazy. “Well then why on earth would you drive backward looking forward?!” he asked us.
[/QUOTE]

that is a perfect answer, when backing your mirrors can be used as guides for things you cant see otherwise, such as the lines on a parking space, you can usually see these in the right side mirror and it will help you to get straight.

as for learning to drive on a stick, this one I am not so much behind but that does depend on your area. I teach in the Seattle area and there is simply to much traffic for me to recommend this. learn to drive, then learn stick. (or even better, if you know you plan on teaching your kids to drive a stick when they are old enough then get them out on an atv or dirt bike with a shifter and turn them loose as kids, I know people were tripping when I was first learning to drive stick because I hardly ever stalled it after the first couple times, it was because I already knew how to work a shifter from riding motorcycles as a kid)

I did forget to mention the part about looking well ahead, this is one of the absolute keys to safe and smart driving, if he doesnt seem to get it let him know the best race drivers on the planet spend most of the race looking at the horizon, they have to and the same basic rule applies to every day driving, we should be looking pretty much as far ahead as we can see and then at everything in between us and that point.

new drivers tend to drive to far to the right, they are intimidated by oncoming traffic and arent used to sitting in the drivers seat to they tend to center their bodies in the road instead of the car. you will have to encourage him to move closer to the yellow line, you can take the wheel and just gently drift closer until you are where you should be and show him that way.

if I could waive a magic wand and change just a couple things about the way people drive to make things safer all the way around I would go with the following 3.
#1 Patience, yeah I am serious, everyone needs to chill the hell out. I see this constantly every time I drive someone is doing something borderline retarded because they are in a hurry and usually the stupid thing they are doing doesnt actually save them any time at all, leave early, let other drivers do things like lane change, help people out. you would be shocked at how relaxing a drive can be even in heavy traffic if you stop giving a crap about getting there as fast as humanly possible and accept your fate. (people who get pissed off at traffic, especially during rush hour, try this, go down to the ocean then when the tide changes get pissed, go ahead scream at the tide for coming in, the people around you wont think you are a lunatic I promise, traffic is a fact of life, get over it, did I use enough comma’s here?)
#2 looking well ahead, get your eyes up and pay attention to what is going on in front of you, we already talked about this but its on my list. the rear end collision is the most commonly reported collision there is, what the hell are you doing if you just crashed into stopped traffic at a light?
#3 following distance, following distance? yeah following distance. easily 95% of drivers on the road follow way to close, its a patience thing largely its also the way most of us learned to drive. I have a news flash tailgating the guy in front of you in some weird attempt to make them go faster when they are tailgating the guy in front of them in a chain of cars sometimes hundreds of cars long doesnt work. another news flash, 4 seconds back will not make you late to whatever you are heading to, that car that lane changed in front of you wont either. consider this, if traffic is doing 60 and a constant chain of cars is moving in front of you forcing you to do 59 instead over a 10 mile drive it will add less than a minute do your drive time.
on a related note, Semi trucks make up less than 1% of the vehicles on the road yet they make up almost 10% of the vehicles that get rear ended…

those 3 things would change traffic forever and in a very very good way, hell just following distance would improve traffic flow even in the worst of conditions.

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If at all possible, there should not be anyone in the car except the kid and you. Don’t bring siblings, friends, or your spouse along. There are three reasons for this. One is that more people watching may make the new driver more nervous. The second is that more people brings in more opportunities for distraction. This is especially likely if you have someone in the car who has never learned to drive, such as a child- they may not understand if the driver needs them to shut up so he can concentrate. The third is that two adults may have very different ideas about teaching a kid to drive, and it’s quite confusing to have two separate sets of instructions thrown at you at once.

Make sure he knows that there are very, very few stupid questions that he could ask you about driving. He might not know basic stuff like that you have to be stopped before shifting from reverse to drive, how to turn on the headlights and which setting to use, or even how to start the car. And remember, nervousness and learning a lot at once can affect a person’s memory, so he may well have forgotten something you told him the last time you took him out. Nervousness affects reasoning, too, so he may need to be told something that should be obvious. Just answer the question, hold the ridicule and the “why don’t you listen” lecture.

I would avoid playing the radio or CDs or an Ipod while he’s driving, at least until he gets a little more experience. And make him leave his cell phone at home, or make him turn it off and give it to you before he starts driving if that’s not practical. It will distract him if it rings, even if he doesn’t answer it. Don’t let him eat or drink while he is driving. Make sure he adjusts the mirrors, seat, visors, and AC/vent/heater before he shifts out of park when he starts driving. If you bring your cell phone, answer it only for something really important, and keep any conversations as brief as possible. Things like that are distractions that can cause problems for experienced drivers, let alone a new driver, and remember that distracted driving is a factor in at least 25% of all crashes.

This is more likely to be an issue for a girl than it is for a boy, but make sure he’s not wearing shoes that are likely to throw off his use of the pedals. You don’t want anything that is likely to come off (no flip-flops or slip-on sandals), or anything with a too-stiff sole (no dress shoes or boots), and, for girls, no high heels or platform shoes (are those back?). Well-broken-in athletic shoes are probably a good choice. He’ll have time to learn how to adjust his driving to different shoe types once he’s got the basics down.

Consider getting him some sunglasses. I find my polarized sunglasses (mine are prescription) really help with driving.

Do take him out for at least one night driving session. Make sure he knows how to use the headlights before he gets in the car to drive at night. And don’t assume he must have picked it up by now, or that it’s obvious which setting is the parking lights, regular headlights, or high beams- tell him.

I concur. Get the basics of driving a small or midsized automatic-transmission car in good mechanical shape without distractions down first, then learn the other stuff like driving stick and driving a bigger car, SUV, or truck. Learn to walk before you try to dance.

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Ha, I was right about turning around! [Rainman]I’m an excellent driver.[/RM]

[QUOTE=Critical1]
#1 Patience, yeah I am serious, everyone needs to chill the hell out. I see this constantly every time I drive someone is doing something borderline retarded because they are in a hurry and usually the stupid thing they are doing doesnt actually save them any time at all, leave early, let other drivers do things like lane change, help people out. you would be shocked at how relaxing a drive can be even in heavy traffic if you stop giving a crap about getting there as fast as humanly possible and accept your fate.
[/QUOTE]

This is very true also. I notice when I’m listening to an audiobook instead of the radio, I’m so much calmer. I’ll sit there in a traffic jam as happy as a pig in shit, listening to a story.

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The only tip I would give parents with driving age children is get them driving lessons with a licensed instructor. They don’t need to learn all your bad habits that you’ve developed over time (possibly since you learned to drive from your parents, and not a licensed instructor). Everyone thinks they are a good driver, and most people are wrong. I strongly recommend defensive driving lessons - driving a car is the most dangerous routine thing they will ever do.

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[QUOTE=Critical1]
as for learning to drive on a stick, this one I am not so much behind but that does depend on your area. I teach in the Seattle area and there is simply to much traffic for me to recommend this. learn to drive, then learn stick.
[/QUOTE]

The thing I see with people who don’t learn stick early (and, actually, I learned the two concurrently - automatic in driver’s ed and practice at home on manual) is that they never get around to it. My husband’s 37 and convinced that driving a manual is too hard for him to learn.

I don’t think it’s that much harder than an automatic. Generations of people learned to drive on a stick because there’s was no other option.

28

Oh, wow, so many responses, and lots of good tips!

He did take driver’s training in school, but they use golf carts, not cars. I know, I know, it’s ridiculous. My steering wheel isn’t really loose, as in broken, it’s just an older car and it doesn’t have the tiny, tight little steering wheels of today. It even takes me a little while to get used to it if I have been driving something else.

I think we’ll try a couple of more times, using a lot of the advice in this thread. I’ll try to calm down, not yell, not criticize too much, and this weekend we’ll definitely try the empty parking lot thing. But if things don’t start improving real soon, it might be best to pay for lessons, I agree. It’s too scary, especially if, like me, your car is your livelihood, and all you can think about when he’s driving is him crashing.

All of the advice and comments are appreciated, and it helps!

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Turn off the radio/CD player

Remain calm–no seriously, you must do this. (you will get a headache and probably TMJ from clenching your teeth–clench 'em)

Do not assume he knows anything. I mean anything (my son routinely forgets to take the keys OUT of the ignition once we’re done)
do not hound him too much, either–he’s nervous enough. You need to build confidence.
I second (third) the big empty parking lot for the first few times.

Begin as you mean to continue. He must buckle up, every time. He must adjust his mirrors every time; he must look behind him every time etc.

Go onto slow, empty suburban residential streets at first.
Tell him what he’s done right–excellent stopping, you did great at merging. Do not just give generic praise like “that went well.” That doesn’t help him learn. Also, go easy on the criticism–much of what is learned comes over time. He won’t always turn like a drunken senior citizen…

Lather, rinse, repeat.

also, make sure he knows there’s an entire OTHER side to the car. My daughter is a fairly good driver, but I saw my life pass before me the first time she drove through a viaduct (underpass). She had forgotten the entire right side of the car. I could see every fine crack and line in the brickwork. That was the ONLY time I put my hand on the wheel and told her to veer left a smidge. We are lucky we didn’t lose the side mirror (and me). Hair is now gray…

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I remember after I got my permit, my mom signed me up with a professional instructor. Overall I did well, but at one point I almost started crying because I just couldn’t get parallel parking down and he was stressing me out big time over it.
I’ve never had to parallel park yet, thank Og.
Though he did teach me well, and taught me how to turn quickly in case the need ever arose, and broke some small bad habits I had ingrained into my brain from my friends/family members.

Also, one thing my friend did to help me learn was take me to an empty parking lot and made me practice techniques like reversing into parking stalls and parallel parking three times.
If I messed up even once during any of those three times, the count went back to zero, and I had to start over. It was frustrating, but it helped.

31

My driving instructor (paid, not from school) taught me a method for parallel parking that always works. I have zero fear of paralleling - I’ve parallel parked in a space that was about six inches longer than my car. That’s one of the benefits of a good instructor - they teach you good things to know.

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[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
Oh, wow, so many responses, and lots of good tips!

He did take driver’s training in school, but they use golf carts, not cars. I know, I know, it’s ridiculous. My steering wheel isn’t really loose, as in broken, it’s just an older car and it doesn’t have the tiny, tight little steering wheels of today. It even takes me a little while to get used to it if I have been driving something else.

I think we’ll try a couple of more times, using a lot of the advice in this thread. I’ll try to calm down, not yell, not criticize too much, and this weekend we’ll definitely try the empty parking lot thing. But if things don’t start improving real soon, it might be best to pay for lessons, I agree. It’s too scary, especially if, like me, your car is your livelihood, and all you can think about when he’s driving is him crashing.

All of the advice and comments are appreciated, and it helps!
[/QUOTE]

My father used to have a saying. Nothing succeeds like success. I have a corollary Nothing fails like failure
When applied to this situation it means that if your son does something right, it builds confidence to do the next thing. If he does that right, it builds confidence, you get the idea. On the other side, if he fails at the first thing, and you go nuts at the second, a death spiral results.
I would suggest that you start the next lesson announcing that you are on a clean sheet of paper, and tell him the first rule of Italian driving*. What happened before is not important. You are both making a fresh start.
Start easy, empty parking lot if you can. Teaching my kids, we got ran out of a couple, we used residential streets, being careful not to repeat them. When he does something right, praise him. Build his confidence if you can. Obviously if he fucks up, don’t give him false praise, but when he does do something right, note it.
Don’t make the lesson too long. 45 minutes to an hour is probably more than enough time. As has been said, no radio.

BTW if yo don’t read the comic Zits, you should. Sunday’s should have special meaning for anyone that has ever taught a child to drive. Over the last year or so, there have been a bunch of teaching the kid to drive strips that are priceless.

*Franco: And now my friend, the first-a rule of Italian driving.
[Franco rips off his rear-view mirror and throws it out of the car]
Franco: What’s-a behind me is not important.

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I would like to expand on something that was mentioned earlier. It was the best driving advice that my dad ever gave me. Tell your son that if he ever misses a turn or exit, correct it a leisure. All too often I see someone cut across 3 lanes of traffic to make a freeway exit or, worse yet, back up on an Interstate highway to get to the exit they passed. This behavior risks too many lives and needing to travel a few miles or minutes to the next exit, or up to the next turn to safely turn around, is not worth that risk.

When I was learning I could not drive with my mom in the car. She was way too critical and nervous. My dad was much better at biting his tongue and holding the caustic comments (which I grant I deserved). I love my mother dearly but I will still not drive her anyplace.

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[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
I’m trying (but he’s more trying than me haha)! We’ve put off any more lessons until the weekend, so I’m going to try to think of a place that’s better for him. He doesn’t like to drive by people’s houses- it’s spring and there’s lots of people in their yards on the weekends- and let them see him drive past over and over. It’s “embarrassing” to him- especially when I look at them and point at him and mouth “student driver”… no, I have only threatened to do that. Maybe a big empty parking lot for this next go round, and we will both be calmer.

It’s kind of emotional for me- such a milestone! I don’t know about other parents, but way back when I held that little baby in my arms and I thought about the day I would be teaching him how to drive, I thought, “Well, that’s how I’ll know that he’s really grown up.” And he’s really grown up! I knew it would be scary, I just didn’t know how much.
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I hear ya! My “baby” is also 17 and just got his first car on Monday. I will keep you in my thoughts, honestly. I remember too well. It was just last fall he got his license, and Monday he drove home from his dad’s house, all by himself, about 30 miles, including a nasty section of interstate, during rush hour. I am getting teary just thinking about it!

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Question for Critical1: Is it considered as bad as I learned in driver’s ed to use your left foot for the brake? I was told this was an absolute no-no, even if all you ever drive is an automatic (so you will never need your left foot for the clutch). I was told that they’d probably flunk you if they caught you braking with your left foot in the driver’s test.

I’ve heard that braking with your left foot increases the chances that you’ll hit the accelerator instead of the brake, but I’ve also heard the opposite. Anybody have the SD on this?

But the fact of the matter is, in the year 2008 in the US, learning to drive stick is optional. You won’t be required to take a driving test in a manual transmission car or get an “automatic only” license, as you would in some countries. Rental cars are all automatics, as are most cars sold in the US. Lots of us manage to get along just fine without being able to drive stick.

[QUOTE=eleanorigby]
Do not assume he knows anything. I mean anything (my son routinely forgets to take the keys OUT of the ignition once we’re done)
[/quote]

From the fact that most cars I’ve driven have some kind of pinging sound that kicks in if you turn off the ignition, leave the keys in the ignition, and open the driver’s door, I assume forgetting to take the keys out of the ignition is not that uncommon even among experienced drivers. Who here can honestly say they’ve never forgotten to take the keys out of the ignition, or even locked the keys in the car? I imagine it’s less than 10% of us, probably much less.

Absolutely.

Make an effort to model good driving behaviors when you are driving with him in the car. Verbally point out these behaviors- “I’m looking behind me now before I back up”.

When you do criticize, be as specific as possible, and confine the criticism to this one event, even if you think this mistake is part of a larger pattern or this is the twelfth time he’s done this today.

Bad: You never pay attention to the road.
Good: You missed that stop sign back there.

Don’t use ridicule or sarcasm in your criticism.

If you see the death spiral starting, take a break. Work on some other skill for a while, or even take a break from the lesson. Same goes if you’re getting too upset to make yourself look and sound calm, or if he’s getting tired or upset. Wait until tomorrow to do the next lesson, if you need to.

Don’t punish him for not doing well at driving lessons. Don’t tell him he can’t go hang out with his friends because he couldn’t get parallel parking down, for example. Especially don’t make the lessons a punishment- “Since you couldn’t stay in your lane when you were turning earlier, you’ll have to go out on a driving lesson with me tonight instead of going to the mall with your friends”. You don’t want him to resent having to do driving lessons.

Don’t compare him to others. People learn at different paces and have trouble with different skills. Encourage him to go online and look up driving tips- he may need something explained differently than you think of it, or need to try a different technique than what you would use to do something (such as parallel parking).

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I was taught to never, never use your left foot for braking. The left foot is reserved for the clutch (in a standard). I taught my kids the same thing–and they have only driven automatics.

I second the don’t tell embarrassing stuff in front of his friends/sibs etc. In fact, there should be no embarrassing stuff at all, because we all fucked up in learning how to do this. This isn’t a place for poking fun.

And please, once he’s farther on, take him on the expressway so he can learn how to merge (is this no longer taught or what?). Work up to the Dan Ryan at rush hour, but he should have some highway experience.

Bad weather: take him driving. We have blessed this winter for all its snow, because it has helped our son learn how to drive while it’s snowing, very deep, unplowed snow, snow over ice, ice etc.

This is not quite what you asked for, but I bring it up anyway: we told our son that now that he has his learner’s permit, he really needs to watch out for his grades. Insuring an adolescent boy driver is not cheap, but our insurance does give the good grades discount. Don’t talk to him about this while the lesson is ongoing.

Also, once our daughter got her license (and her car, long story), we set up a written list of rules. Driving is a privilege, not a birthright, and abuse of that can lose you it. Knock on wood, all is well so far. (no tickets or accidents, thank god).

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[QUOTE=Anne Neville]
Question for Critical1: Is it considered as bad as I learned in driver’s ed to use your left foot for the brake? I was told this was an absolute no-no, even if all you ever drive is an automatic (so you will never need your left foot for the clutch). I was told that they’d probably flunk you if they caught you braking with your left foot in the driver’s test.

I’ve heard that braking with your left foot increases the chances that you’ll hit the accelerator instead of the brake, but I’ve also heard the opposite. Anybody have the SD on this?
[/QUOTE]

Chances are if you are a left foot braker that when the fit hits the shan, you will either push the wrong pedal down, or press them both to the floor.
People that brake with their left foot always point out that Formula 1 drivers use their left foot for braking. I consider this to be a strawman argument as A) they only do this in a race where they are hyper alert, not when they are driving to work whle they are caffeine starved and only have 1 eye open, and B) You don’t have anywhere near the skills that an F1 driver has.
I can tell you this for an absolute fact. If you brake with your left foot, you mechanic will love you. You will be paying for his kids college education all by your self. You will be on his customer wall of fame. Why you ask? Simple people that left foot brake have a real bad habit of leaning their foot on so lightly on the brake pedal. This applies the brakes oh so lightly. This has two effects 1) You fuel mileage will suck since you are fighting your brakes all the time. and 2) Gasoline will win, and you will wear out your brakes in record time.
Speaking for all the auto technicians in the US, Thank you left foot brakers. We love you.
For the dopers that don’t want to spend more than they have to for gas, and want their brakes to last, leave your left foot on the floor.

One other thing I taught both of my kids once they had gotten to not too bad a driver stage, was I taught them how ABS works, and how to correct for a skid.

On the more practical side, I also taught them how to check the oil, coolant, brake fluid, and change a tire.

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[QUOTE=Anne Neville]
But the fact of the matter is, in the year 2008 in the US, learning to drive stick is optional. You won’t be required to take a driving test in a manual transmission car or get an “automatic only” license, as you would in some countries. Rental cars are all automatics, as are most cars sold in the US. Lots of us manage to get along just fine without being able to drive stick.
[/QUOTE]

Yep, and you probably don’t need to teach him to parallel park, either. But I’m glad I have the power to get myself home, no matter what vehicle or person brought me anywhere.

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[QUOTE=WhyNot]
Yep, and you probably don’t need to teach him to parallel park, either. But I’m glad I have the power to get myself home, no matter what vehicle or person brought me anywhere.
[/QUOTE]

Along this line, at Casa de Rick we park across the front of the garage as our driveway is just about as wide as the car (garage faces the alley) The fence sticks out past the car on both side so it is the perfect place to parallel park. Boy did my kids bitch about learning to park there. Boy are they both proud that they can drop their cars into a parallel space parking in one try.
I agree on the stick, my son drives one full time, and my daughter knows how.

40

I think I see some drivers on my commute who do this- they’re the ones who are constantly tapping their brakes, making their brake lights come on. These people are Pit wording Pit word sons of Pit words. I wish all Pit wording brake tappers would DIE, SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY, IN A HUMILIATING MANNER.

So, if you don’t want people who don’t know your son wishing a horrible death on him, teach him to brake with his right foot.

[QUOTE=WhyNot]
Yep, and you probably don’t need to teach him to parallel park, either.
[/quote]

That depends very much on what the state’s driving test involves. In Maryland, where I got my license, parallel parking was part of the test. Mr. Neville got his license in North Carolina, where it wasn’t. It also depends on where you live- if you live in Berkeley or San Francisco, teach the kid to parallel park. If you live somewhere where most businesses have parking lots and there aren’t a lot of people parked along the street in neighborhoods where he’s likely to visit people, it’s not so urgent.

It wouldn’t be a bad idea to find out what your state’s driving test involves. Focus on teaching him those maneuvers and skills.