Today my son turned 16. Tomorrow we’re going to the RMV to get him his permit, and then it’s time to teach him how to drive. I did put him behind the wheel for about 10-15 minutes several years ago on a deserted dead-end cul-de-sac in New Hampshire, just so that in case of an emergency he would know how to operate a vehicle, but other than that we’re starting out fresh.
I’m sure many of you have gone through this before me, so I’m looking for your advice and experiences.
I’ll be teaching him in my car, which is an automatic. Once he has a handle on the basics, we may put him in Dan’s car to teach him manual also, but I haven’t talked to Dan about that yet so I can’t really say for sure. I’d like him to learn both.
All I can recommend is be patient and make sure any routes you take with him will not have anything awkward or stressful like a suddenly disappearing lane that causes you to have to merge due to road construction on a busy street. Many places do not require parallel parking as part of the driver’s test, but I think this is majorly important and I would definitely have him learn that too, because he will definitely need it. My wife never learned to do it and I found it surprising to have to show her how when we got married. I couldn’t believe someone wouldn’t know how to do this.
What kind of car is it? I know it is an automatic, but is it a subcompact, a full size sedan, a minivan, a full size pickup, what?
It might be a good idea to start him out with a smaller car (e.g. if you have a Ford Focus and a Chrysler 300 sitting around, maybe he should take the Focus out first), to minimize the chances that he bangs it against something when trying to learn how to judge distances when he parks.
What really helped me, when I was taught how to drive at that age, was how to center my car in the lane. Line up the white line on the right side of the road with the very center of the car’s hood.
Start in a large empty parking lot on the weekend, like at an office park. Then start going on public roads on the weekend when there isn’t much traffic.
Call AAA and get your son hooked up with a good driving instructor. It will serve him countless times in the years to come to know how to drive properly, not just the way you and Dan drive (nothing personal - everyone thinks they’re a great driver, but few people are professional driving instructors).
I took mine out to an abandoned parking lot just to learn to putter around in circles, back up, attempt to fit the car in between the lines. Slowly graduated to drives down empty country roads, then the streets around here. She was never nervous (though I sure was!) and took her drivers test - twice - and failed twice. So - driving lessons it was! The guy (who had spent time in the military in Iraq) taught her parallel parking (which is a real bitch of a thing) and took her out on the highway. So she got her license on the third test. I would reiterate: driving lessons. They aren’t cheap, but they aren’t that expensive, considering, and the instructors know tips and tricks and apparently lack a nervous system, unlike the frazzled parent.
My advice would be to start him in dad’s car. If he wants to drive, make him learn to drive on a stick. He’ll be better of for it, and it’s really not that difficult.
If you have to ask this, then you probably won’t do very well during those abrupt stops, near misses, and understeer-into-the-weeds moments.
Are you an incredibly patient person? Do you raise your voice when frustrated?
If yes, the don’t do it.
If no, then give it a try. Just remember, he thinks he knows everything, you know he doesn’t, and only experience will teach him otherwise. Just be there while it happens and don’t talk too much!
My husband taught our kids to drive. He was incredibly patient, and an excellent teacher.
Our kids learned on a stick. We were fortunate there was a decommissioned AF base nearby, and all those little streets and intersections were PERFECT for novice drivers.
His teaching method was to tell the kids that there was an imaginary cup of water on the dash, and they had to learn how to take off from a stop, shift gears, make turns, and brake…without spilling a drop from the imaginary cup.
Both kids took their driving tests in the car with the manual transmission. The examiners were ASTOUNDED, because it just doesn’t happen any more. And both kids scored 100%!
Before The Son started driving on his license, I had a little “Facts of Life” discussion with him. I told him that through NO FAULT OF HIS OWN, he was in the very worst category to be insured: unmarried males under 25. I said that I was barely able to afford the increase to our family insurance to let him drive, and because of this, he had ONE CHANCE ONLY. If he got a ticket, or got into an accident, even if he wasn’t to blame, he’d have to give me his license until he could pay for the insurance himself.
He wasn’t happy, but he understood. He’s now 26, and has never gotten a single ticket, never gotten into an accident.
~VOW
Move to Vermont. Here they offer drivers ed as a regular school class. At least my tax dollars are going to something they will use in life, unlike physics or calculus.
When I went to high school in Mass, kids had to pay for drivers ed classes outside of school, so I never took it. I learned to drive illegally in my friends cars. And I have never had a ticket or an accident that was my fault. I also taught myself how to drive a standard, which I have driven for the last 20 years. I also bought a motorcycle 10 years ago and figured everything out with no instruction. Bikes are way harder and scarier than cars.
So my advice is to let him learn everything himself. Fear is a great teacher. And no, I am not joking.
My driving instructor taught me a system for parallel parking - I’ve used it to park in a space that, no exaggeration, was inches longer than my car. That’s one of the things a driving instructor can do for you.
Both my kids were never able to get into the limited number of drivers’ ed slots. Worked out OK, though. We paid for a course, and it was waay better than the school course. My son came out of it an excellent driver – better than I am in technique and theory. When he gets a few years’ experience under his belt, he will be quit a bit better.
Car acceleration and deceleration…physics and calculus. Impact a teenager’s head has with a windshield in a crash…physics and calculus. And medicine, of course.
I’m really hoping this is a woosh, because I just don’t understand how understanding how the world works is a bad thing. Maybe it’s just me.
FWIW, back when I learned to drive, lessons from a certified driving school were mandatory. Then, for a while, Québec made them optional, with a longer period of time for the learner’s permit. The accident rate of newly licensed drivers went up. They went back to mandatory lessons, with the longer time period as well. Anecdotally, it matched a lot of what I was hearing about friends/cousins who were learning to drive.
Pay for the lessons if you can. They’ll teach the techniques and physics, as well as the mundane “how to get there from here” style of driving. And your kid will learn how to pass the test, because the instructors know all the tricks.
Start with where are the corners of the car. Have him park a dozen times in stalls at an empty parking lot.
Then on the road. Where are you in relation to the lane markings? Find out with a rough shoulder or raised reflectors. Never change lanes without a look over the shoulder.
Where’s your commitment point—based on weather and speed—when approaching a “stale green” signal? Check left and right at each intersection, even if you have the signal.
In freeway traffic: know at all times whether you can make an emergency lane change, and to which lane.
Parallel parking: demonstrate with a toy car that you’re pivoting the car first on one rear wheel and then on the other. People are never taught the simple geometric principle behind parallel parking and instead think it’s merely a matter of practice.
Finally, some discussions about how to realistically assess risk, as opposed to blanket rules. Texting, well, never while in motion. Talking or eating on fast, busy suburban arterials: probably a bad idea. On a rural freeway, not such a problem.
