So, my 17-year-old son has finally gotten his learner’s permit (he’s lazy). Since he doesn’t like his dad’s huge Crown Vic, it has fallen upon me to teach this boy how to drive. This boy is smart and, like many his age, a smartass. But he cannot drive worth a crap, let me tell you. We’ve had two lessons so far, on neighborhood streets only, and he has run a stop sign, tries to put the car in drive from reverse while still moving, cannot control the wheel (it’s fairly loose) when turning very well, and we’re on the verge of not speaking to each other at this point. I would just like to say, “AAAAAAAUUUUGGGHHH! Help!”
first thing I did with both of my kids was to teach them were the corners of the car were, and what blind spots are.
Behind my house is an alley, with a turn around area, and a brick wall on the other side. I had them get in the car, and adjust everything to their liking. I then had them back out of the space. When they stopped because they thought they were about to hit the brick wall, I had them put it in park, and I took them back to show them what was really going on.
Then I had them pull into the alley straight and stop. I got out, and walked to various places around the car, and asked if they could see me in the mirrors. That showed them that there are blind spots that can hide things like cars.
In your son’s case I suspect he is not looking far enough ahead of the car. Many neophyte drivers (and too many people that have been driving for years) just don’t look far enough ahead. I had old girlfriend that when she started to drive, would look about 15 feet in front of the car. She thought it was necessary to do this to keep the car in the lane. The problem is you tend not to see things like stop signs, stopped cars, bicycles, dogs, kids and construction zones until it is too late.
Teach your son to look as far ahead down the road as they can see. His peripheral vision will keep the car in the lane. Also he needs to learn that the car will go where he looks. If you doubt this ask anyone who ever hit a tree what they were looking at just before the accident. the answer is always “The tree” 
You can check how he is doing on looking far ahead by looking down the road yourself, and asking him if the 2nd stop light down is green or red, or some similar question.
Good luck
BTDT, got the gray hairs to show for it.
Thanks Rick! There’s just so much to go over about driving, it’s overwhelming. Why couldn’t he have just been like me and practice his driving around town in secret whenever his parents went out of town, in their (my) car? 
I’ve been talking to him a lot about blind spots, going too fast situationally, and braking too much. Next up- turning, parking, and reversing. If he doesn’t shut down because of what he calls my lecturing and what I call my guidance. Oh, please og, let us get through this intact.
Mine is, as someone who learned to drive not too long ago, and is working on stick, slowly:
Calm. Down.
He’s nervous enough, and you need to stay outwardly calm. Be firm, but gentle. Only raise your voice for immediate danger. He’ll need to make some mistakes before he gets good.
I’m trying (but he’s more trying than me haha)! We’ve put off any more lessons until the weekend, so I’m going to try to think of a place that’s better for him. He doesn’t like to drive by people’s houses- it’s spring and there’s lots of people in their yards on the weekends- and let them see him drive past over and over. It’s “embarrassing” to him- especially when I look at them and point at him and mouth “student driver”… no, I have only threatened to do that. Maybe a big empty parking lot for this next go round, and we will both be calmer.
It’s kind of emotional for me- such a milestone! I don’t know about other parents, but way back when I held that little baby in my arms and I thought about the day I would be teaching him how to drive, I thought, “Well, that’s how I’ll know that he’s really grown up.” And he’s really grown up! I knew it would be scary, I just didn’t know how much.
Alice, it’s late and I am too tired to write any more, but if you have any questions feel free to ask, I will watch this thread.
I remember when learning to drive that I simply COULD NOT learn while my mom, grandparents, etc. were in the vehicle with me.
All of them were too jumpy, would shout, make sarcastic comments, and do other things that would keep me nervous and self-conscious. I learned how to drive by myself, really. Fortunately, I grew up in a very rural area, so this kind of approach may not work out for ye urbanites.
Starting when my son was 14 or so, I’d put him behind the wheel of my car and turn him loose in my father’s pasture. The only restrictions were, he couldn’t spin his wheels to make ruts, and he couldn’t drive my car into the lake. He’s 17 now, and a fairly decent driver, although he does have a tendency towards a lead foot.
Funny story: He was pulled over for speeding (76 in a 40 on a county road). When the deputy that nailed him asked him why he was going so fast, he said:
And I swear I’m not making this up:
“I didn’t see the speed limit sign because my stereo was up too loud.”
Next time I worked with that deputy I told him he should have tacked another $50 on the boy’s ticket for that lame-ass excuse.
In the interest of fair and balanced reporting, I should also tell you that on my very first day of driver’s ed class, I took a corner too fast and wound up zooming across the front yard of the local funeral home.
Empty parking lots and fields are excellent places to learn basic vehicle control. Just remember that we’ve all been there; he’ll learn. Eventually.
My youngest is 9 and I’m already dreading her getting her permit. I only have 6 more years of peace…
I might be able to help.
I will start at zero and work up from there since I dont really know where you son is at driving wise, although it does sound like you are off to a pretty normal start.
if he is having trouble with his cornering and steering there is a very simple fix.
take him to a nice empty lot with a couple bottles of water (plastic) or cones if you happen to have some, set them up about 50 feet apart (say 4 car lengths or so) and have him do figure 8’s around the cones for a bit, gradually speeding up as he does it. not to fast but it wont be really smooth. after 5-10 min of this his corning on streets will be vastly improved.
use hand over hand steering for this, eg for a left turn, you start with left hand at 12 and pull down to about 8, then the same but with the right hand, then left, then right. for right turns in the opposite, 12 to about 4 starting with the right hand, this technique is essential for basic maneuvering especially in tight areas.
starting slow and residential is fine but you should intersperse this with some busier streets even if its only for a few blocks to start. students get bored driving around the block and gradual exposure to tougher areas helps with this a lot. the same rule applies to the freeway, you can take him on the freeway before hes really “ready” for it by simply having him get on and off at the next exit. this gives him the confidence boost of having done the deed without much real stress because he knows up front you are just hopping on and off right away, he will probably want to do it again right away and thats fine, simply reverse the route you just took. this kind of exposure helps their confidence with more standard driving.
a tip for you mom, record your drives with him (well record at least one drive anyway) video or just voice is fine, this is so later when you are not in the car you can sit down and critique yourself. I cant tell you how many times I have heard from students some variant of the following
Student “Stop Yelling, you are freaking me out”
Parent “IM NOT YELLING”
parents can get caught up in the drive and not realize what they are doing and yelling make the student nervous…which makes them drive worse which makes the parent even more nervous…you see where this is going. if you are calm then it helps them out immensely.
on the road you need to learn to anticipate turns, if you say TURN HERE as you are passing the street you failed not them, try to let them know the situation well in advance, “up at the next light we are going to turn left so we will need to take the left turn lane when it appears” is a good example. Also, ALSO (this is really really important here) if you are missing your turn/exit/parking space/whatever DO NOT FREAK OUT AND TRY TO MAKE THEM DO IT ANYWAY, seriously just keep driving, turn around someplace safe and come back. this is one that so many parents get wrong I cant even tell you. stay calm and remember, even if you make a wrong turn and some how end up in Florida you can still get back, getting lost is part of driving and its much better to be the calm example than the yelling parent.
practice, practice, practice and more practice, the more time your son spends behind the wheel with you and other adults the less likely he is to have a collision when hes on his own. if you are driving anywhere he is ok to drive to (skill wise ok that is) then he should be driving, if he tells you he is bored of driving you are doing great. I try to get 120+ hours of practice out of my students before they get their license but honestly 200 is better, 400 would be fantastic, keep in mind that the drive test isnt about safe or capable driving, its about doing 4 simple maneuvers with reasonable skill and safety, a well trained chimp could pass the average American drive test. most of safe driving comes from experience.
Talk to his drivers ed instructor, both the classroom and the in car, (if they are different) I hope you get good ones, the bad ones are all to common. they should have good advice that they can tailor to your son and your area, if you can go along for a drive lesson (go along for all of them if you son will have you but at least one lesson is recommended, this way you can see if the instructor has a clue, and you can see how a pro does it.
lane changes are very tough for new drivers so heres my 2 basic types.
the well planned lane change (aka I want to lane change but dont need to yet) this is the ideal lane change and is the best one to start with,
find a road with some traffic and 2 lanes…
lets back up a step
when the side mirrors are properly adjusted he should see a little bit of the car and the horizon should be dead center in the mirror (if you were parked someplace perfectly flat)
his blind spots are now just behind him over each shoulder to the left he just turns his head and looks a bit behind himself (NO Turning of the shoulders, JUST the head) on the right if you have a 4 door then its out the rear passenger window.
ok back to our 2 lane in each direction road with some traffic
first tell him we are thinking about lane changing but we arent going to yet.
Step 1 check the left side mirror (assuming we are lane changing left that is) ]
do you see any cars? are they passing us or just hanging back? what is traffic doing in front of us in the new lane and our own lane (now keep in mind when he looks in that side mirror the car is going to start drifting, just reach over and gently keep the car in the lane DONT FREAK!) now if the lane is clear signal, check mirror and blind spot, no really check your blind spot (you can hold the wheel preventing him from moving over until after he checks the blind spot) then if both are clear drift over to the new lane.
if you are being passed, say he sees 2 cars coming, you just wait, then when the second car is passing you signal, check mirror and blind spot and if its clear drift on over.
this kind of lane change is very low stress on you and him, there is no hurry at all, you can take miles to make a single lane change if you need to and without the pressure its much easier on both you and him.
the second type of lane change is the one where you have to or at least need to (like a freeway merge) this time we signal very very early, the turn signal here is to say “Hey we need over ya basterds, give us some room” some drivers may slow down, others may speed up, but at least they got out of your way. the ones that are trouble in this case are the ones that do nothing and just assume you will handle every thing. (note I have that problem even though I am in a car with a 2ft tall top sign that says STUDENT DRIVER in giant letters)
look early at traffic you are merging with, check your blind spots and if you can see the new road in them the mirrors as well. adjust speed as needed and simply blend into traffic.
a couple things to keep in mind
traffic in front is very very important when lane changing, people get caught up in the mirrors and dont realize traffic is stopping in front of them.
new drivers will want to slow down the second you mention lane changing, be prepared for this, just tell them not to slow down, keep your speed up and when you do change lanes you should actually speed up a bit then readjust your speed when you get into the new lane.
I hope that helps, its kinda late and hard to focus on what I have written in this tiny ass window the quick reply gives you. I will check back and see if you have any more questions.
the drivers ed guy
(you lucked out, I clicked on this forum by mistake, I dont usually read mpsims)
What Critical1 said about a big empty parking lot, in the off hours - at least there he can get used to things like smooth stops and starts, transitioning from drive to reverse without forgetting about stopping first, that kind of thing. Even if you don’t bring makeshift cones at first, you can pretend the rows are lanes.
I don’t have much advice other than I can feel your fear. My own lazy son did not get his temps until after he turned 18 and had already moved out. He has tried to put the task on me to teach him. I have went out with him several times but it is scary. He does fine for a while but he can get distracted easy.
The hardest part is he wants to go when there is no where to actually go. Driving around our small town for an hour is pretty boring. If you can pick a day to take him when there are errands to do it does make it a little eaiser. That is what I did with my daughter.
Go to the grocery store, the dollar store, the pet store etc. It not only gets them familiar on how to get around town by car, I was surprised how much they did not pay attention as a passenger, but it also gives you time to get your heart out of your throat between stops.
The large empty parking lots are good too. They are great places to have them learn to drive in reverse.
Good luck!
I taught my ex how to drive. We started with the interstate because there are no sharp turns, no stop signs, etc. Since my car was a manual this helped a lot, she said.
Alice, I’m trying to teach my sixteen-year-old daughter!
I myself did not learn to drive until after she was born. As a teenager, my mom basically sat in the car with me and said, “Julie, I want you to know that you are behind the wheel of a killing machine. At this time, you hold our lives in your hands, and the lives of everyone around us. Okay…now start the car.” :eek:
I also took driver’s ed in school, but didn’t get a whole lot out of it. My main problem was lack of confidence. When I was twenty-one, my mom paid for my driving lessons, and I found it a whole lot easier to learn from a stranger. (Though I did flunk the test the first few times.) :o
So anyway, I thought I’d make a very understanding teacher. I take her to a subdivision by our house which is still under construction, so there aren’t many people around and we have roads with turns and stop signs. I just have her drive around at her whim. And yes, I’m finding that she doesn’t look very far ahead, and when turning she gets way out of her lane. The worst thing happened on the first day. She had lulled me into a false sense of security by moving the car about uneventfully for about half an hour, when I asked her to turn into a little parking spot and stop. This parking lot is right where they have a little brick building by the pool. I had envisioned her turning left into a spot; she turned right, facing the building…and then forgot which was the gas and which was the brake! The car leaped forward; I didn’t have my hand on the emergency brake; all I had time to do was scream her name. Fortunately she decided to stomp on the other pedal just in time to keep us from going head on into the side of that building. I made her get out and see just how many inches away she had been from killing her mother!
Oh, Critical, I have a question: I was taught that when you’re backing up, or otherwise need to see what’s behind you, you look in your mirrors but you also turn your head…whatever it takes to see what’s back there. My husband says I should teach the girl to use her mirrors so that she will never have to turn around. Which is best?
My dad and uncle taught me to drive in a large parking lot. We used the NOVA Community College lot on the weekends when it was empty. Plenty of room to screw up in and figure out how to control the car.
Isn’t this something that you can learn in school. My school offered driver’s ed. They started with cones in the parking lot and let us work our way up.
Alternatively, your son can take lessons from a driving school. My wife didn’t learn how to drive until she was 24 and this is how she learned.
I suggest paying for driving lessons until he’s at a basic level of competence. And remember to let your insurance company know he might be driving. Not only to ensure you’re covered but when he starts driving on his own, he’ll likely get a significant discount from them.
My father did everything humanly possible to make sure I knew that I would never be a good driver and that I would end up dead. When he took me out for practice he would sit as close to me as possible “in case I have to grab the wheel.” He made me a nervous wreck. I didn’t get my license until I was 19 and it was because he had instilled in me a terror of driving.
Today I am a confident, safe driver and my father worried himself to death.
If you want your kids to be good drivers, *settle down * and don’t yell at them.
OMG! My driver’s ed teacher would have our HEADS if we didn’t turn around! There’s too much you don’t see in the mirrors, and the right/left is all wonky if you’re looking into a mirror! Our first day of driving in the parking lot at school, he told us to turn all the way 'round and then drive FORWARD! Of course we balked and told him he was crazy. “Well then why on earth would you drive *backward *looking forward?!” he asked us.
My only tip is one that parents never like to hear: beg, borrow or rent a manual transmission car if you don’t have one. My mother insisted I learn on a stick, and I’m ever so grateful. I can drive *any *car. I can’t tell you the number of times over the last 17 years I’ve been with someone who got tired, or had a little too much to drink, or got a little too emotional to drive safely. I know that I can always say, “Give me the keys, I’ll drive us home.” If I couldn’t drive a stick, I’d be forced to ride in a dangerous situation or physically subdue an irrational person from driving.
And I also encourage driver’s ed classes to teach the basics. *Neither *of you is having a good time here.
My daughter was very reluctant to learn to drive. Luckily, there was an abandoned shopping mall nearby, so I drove her there and had her get a feel for it. No other cars except for one that arrived with evidently the same thing in mind. It worked pretty well.
Next, we went to the school parking lot. It was summer, so no classes. We drove around a bit, practicing parking, going slowly.
And the engine overheated. Coolant spewed out of the radiator; we hadn’t been watching the temperature gauge and we were idling too much for the fan to cool things down.
No big deal. We waited until things cooled down and managed to drive home. But she was terrified she had broken the car, and was very reluctant to drive again. Even though she took Driver’s Ed, she still hasn’t gotten her license (though where she is now, she is forbidden to drive even if she had one*).
*In the Peace Corps in Namibia. Peace Corps rules forbids volunteers to drive.
Ask him if there are any instructions you’re giving him that he doesn’t understand. One of the problems I had in trying to learn driving from my dad was that he would periodically say “Gentle, gentle”. I found that extremely frustrating, as I had absolutely no idea what I should be doing differently to go along with that. Don’t use vague, all-purpose comments like that. It’s frustrating, and frustration and driving don’t mix well, especially for new drivers. If you want him to do something different, be as specific and literal as possible. Say things like “Press down on the brake more softly, and start braking farther back from the stop sign” instead of “Brake gently”.
Make sure you’re having the lessons at a time when both of you are not stressed, upset, or tired. Strong emotions and fatigue can be a problem even for an experienced driver, never mind a new driver. Don’t try to force a driving lesson when he’s had a bad day at school or you’ve had a bad day at work. If he isn’t up to a driving lesson right when he gets home from school, if he needs some time to unwind first, let him. If you’re not up to doing it right away after work, don’t do it then.
Try to find somewhere to practice where nobody will see him, or where nobody who knows him will see him. Worrying about stuff like what the people watching him will think isn’t going to improve his driving.
Maybe do the driving lessons as trips to someplace he likes to go, rather than driving around the same block in your neighborhood? It will get rid of the issue of people seeing him drive past their house over and over, and make the lessons more enjoyable for him.
Don’t say this. Try not to think it. He’s not you, he’s him, and some of the things that worked for you in learning to drive aren’t going to work for him.