So I’m having a great week already. Thanks to Hurricane Ivan dragging torrential rainfall into my area, I got home from a prolonged trip to find that water had streamed through the windows and doors of my apartment and wrecked half my furniture. Not a problem, I have insurance, I wanted new furniture anyways. I’m just going to look at it as a chance to get a new living room at a substantial discount. Of course, it also ruined my friggin awesome computer desk that I loved like it was Sarah Michelle Gellar in a latex miniskirt, but I’m just chalking that one up to karma.
And of course, in the process, it ruined the carpet. Again, not my problem. I live in an apartment, they have to pay for it, the people have already been by to do the prelim work of tearing out the ruined padding and cleaning and drying the carpet. Of course, that was yesterday and I’ve still got all my aformentioned damaged furniture piled up in my bedroom until they get back and repad, but once again karma. I’m way better off than those poor bastards who lost their homes or got buried in a landslide in Haiti.
But I guess that wasn’t enough for the universe. I decided to check my email this afternoon, and maybe do a bit of digital window shopping for new furniture. I press the power button, as usual. It lights up, as usual. And then the monitor shows nothing and it jsut starts beeping at me, as usual.
Wait a tick, that’s not usual! So I try not to panic. This never works, since computer failures fear me with an unholy dread similar to finding myself in a tank full of great whites using a hunk of tuna as a life raft, but I try all the same. I wait five minutes, same thing. I pop the case and try disconnecting various things one at a time, no change. I chant unholy incantations, burn incense, and offer up neighborhood pets to the almighty Bill. I run around the computer, and after several minutes discover that the printer was unplugged when I moved things for the carpet people.
Well, that clearly can’t be it. It’s a USB device, it’s non-bootable. There’s no possible way that unplugging a USB printer could lock the computer up at post. All the same, I plug it back in, and the computer spins up as though nothing happened. It just sat there, innocently, waiting for me to log in. I could almost sense a smirk.
So, now for the invective laden psychotic episode: HOW IN THE HOLY NAME OF FUCK DOES A PRINTER SHUT DOWN THE BOOT PROCESS AT THE MOTHERFUCKING BIOS LEVEL!?!??!?! I KNEW WINDOWS WAS SHIT, BUT FOR CHRIST’S FUCKING SAKE, HOW DO THEY EVEN PULL THAT OFF INTENTIONALLY?!?! I WANT MY AFTERNOON BACK YOU SADISTIC MICROSOFT FUCKS!
