Grandma's getting scammed!

In My Humble Opinion
1

In my grandmother’s old age, she’s gotten more emotional and less savvy. It’s only natural, but adding spite and scammers into the mix is a formula for disaster.

To give you some background, she’s got savings to last her the rest of her life and then some. Moreover, she’s of the mind that her family deserves none of her money (that story can be a thread in itself), and she has specifically arranged to leave nothing when she passes on. Sure, it’s a bit harsh of a view, but hey, it’s her cash.

Earlier this year, she discovered just how to dump her money. In a flash of misguided but surely appreciated altruism, she started regularly donating to whatever organizations or causes ask for it. They’re usually based on children or animals, but as long as it’s going to some sort of charity, she’s happy. She makes calls and writes checks on a daily basis after watching a commercial on TV or getting some mail asking for donations. As long as the money is going to (hopefully) good causes, the world is better off anyway.

Here comes the problem. Last week, she showed me some of her recent mail in a not-so-subtle attempt to say “Look at all the money you’re NOT getting!” I took a glance at some of the charity requests and felt equal parts disgust and horror.

Grandma’s getting scammed!

Two of her letters were almost comically-written. It felt like I was reading Nigerian scams: snail mail version. They raised every red flag. I searched the fake businesses online and found plenty of evidence, the most stark of which included testimonials of others who were scammed by the same folks.

I browsed through her records and found staggering “donations” to scammers, so it became clear she has been funding some less-than-reputable folks.

I tried to convince her she was getting scammed, but she was having none of it. Evidence off the internet was worthless; she has no trust in computers. No matter what argument I made, she fired back with “You just want my money for yourself!” Grandma just isn’t very nice with her words. :frowning:

I’m not sure what to do. The family doesn’t care about the situation. Because that money is in a financial vacuum as far as they’re concerned, they have no interest in helping her. Perhaps it’s not my place to interfere, but I worry that she’ll eventually get sucked dry by these scammers, and I don’t want to see her in trouble.

2

Can you prove she’s not mentally competent to handle her finances?

She sounds like a handful.

3

If accusation is that you want the money for yourself, counter by showing her legitimate charities her money can go to instead of the scamsters.

4

I’m sorry, but I just can’t get past your username.

5

Well, you could setup your own “charities” and send her poorly-written letters asking for money. :slight_smile:

If you find out how to get her to not do this, please let the rest of us know. It’s a very common problem.

Perhaps you could help her find worthwhile local charities to spend her money on. I’m sure there’s local animal shelters who desperately need the money. Drive your grandma to them. She may decide to volunteer in addition to giving money. Maybe being around the animals with soften her temper a bit.

6

Same here.

7

Yes, she is a handful! She’s a tough old bird who can be conniving and vindictive when she needs to be, so I might be wading through dangerous waters if I try to prove her incompetent. Grandma’s bite is vicious; I’m not sure I want to cross her. The rest of the family certainly won’t.

Suggesting valid charities is an idea, but I’m not sure if it’ll stop her from continuing her donations to the scammers anyway. Maybe getting her deeply involved with a charity or shelter is the way to go, to keep her busy. I like to think, in at least one part of her heart, that she’s doing this to genuinely help others. If that’s the case, she might be OK with that.

Now, getting her to such a place is another adventure entirely. :slight_smile:

8

You’re not going to see th money either way, so why not just let her be happy, and send some scammer’s kid to college?

9

Just PM me her name and address and I’ll send her a letter telling her how to correct these problems. It’s really simple.

10

That’s valid enough. Maybe I am just disturbed that some scammer out there is getting his or her way. I don’t like the idea of myself or my family being taken advantage of (even if she is a crazy bat of a lady), so I’m probably overstepping my bounds.

Hahaha :smiley:

11

Why not treat her like an adult, and show her how you came to the conclusion that her causes are fake? Even if she’s not computer literate, you can sit down with her, show her Google search for something like “reputable charity,” the Charity Navigator website, etc. Maybe she’s read Consumer Reports or similar before - they have a good guide here. You could ask your local librarian to be a neutral third party/computer helper as well, so she can use the tools in the future.

You could also talk to her (or again, ask your librarian, or AARP staff member) about ensuring financial security, identify theft, etc. Resources here.

12

Never mind. I posted in the wrong thread.

13

Ditto.

Until changed, NOBODY is going to take you seriously.

Tips?

  1. Be Creative.

  2. Stay Away from Bathroom or Bodily Functions.
    Its not our job to wipe you.

14

At least she’s not getting run over by a reindeer.

15

I have a friend who went through something similar with his mother. She had dementia, which made her an easy target. By my friend discovered what was happening, his mother had lost $150,000.

My friend reported it to the sheriff’s department (they were in an unincorporated area, so there was no local police department). He ended up going to court to get conservatorship of his mother’s finances, and went through a lot of work to cut of the scammers’ access to his mother (he had to change the phone number more than once, for example).

His mother never did understand what was going on, despite all of his attempts to explain things to her. She always thought that, if she just send a little more money, she would get what was being promised to her. When a sheriff’s deputy came out to take a report, she thought she was the one in trouble.

Someone needs to step in and help your grandmother. From what you say, that someone has to be you, since no one else in the family cares. It won’t be pleasant. Your grandmother doesn’t understand what’s happening, and she doesn’t trust you. I hope you have the patience, time and energy to deal with this.

16

Similar thing with my MIL. When my wife and her sister took over the finances, they were astounded at the donations she had made to anyone who asked. She did have dementia, tho, and relations were not as strained as yours sound.

I basically see 2 realistic alternatives: either you go through the effort to have her declared incompetent (if you believe she is), or you let her spend/waste her money however she wants. Might want to get a hold of a nice refrigerator carton she can move into if she manages to piss away ALL of her assets. That - IMO - would be the worst possibility, if she pisses away all her money, and then you and the family have to decide what ought to be done to provide her what degree of comfort.

With respect to your feelings, I can understand that you might feel bad about yourself if you don’t say anything. If so, do what others said, and prepare materials showing that the folk she is giving money to are scammers, and proposing ways she can give the money to legitimate causes. Then be content you did what you feel is right, and live the best life you can.

17

I like it.

18

“Look at all the money you’re NOT getting!”

Wow. Just wow.

Now I don’t have any sense of entitlement that I expect my grandparents to leave me all, much, or even any of their money (such that they have). If they do great, if not, oh well, but if one of them did something like that, I would never have anything to do with them ever again.

19

For those scams that are confirmed, you could call the police, FTC, etc. She might believe them.

20

A feeling of appreciation, being needed, participating in something bigger than herself— whatever it is… sounds like she is making up for whatever feeling of emptiness it is that she might have by donating her money. Maybe it gives her a feeling of power/control. Maybe she does it just to piss your family off. Whatever the reason is, she seems to do it to compensate for something she is lacking or just because it feels good to give.

You can print out a letter stating examples of organizations that are scams and explain how the elderly are targeted-- so forth and so on, and mail it anonymously to your grandma.

Otherwise you can try to identify the cause of why she is spending her money in this manner and try to help her get a new hobby that will give her the same feeling of appreciation, being needed, etc.

Scams targeting the elderly are bullshit.