The proctologist called, they found your head.
Save Your Breath… You’ll need it to blow up your date!
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Hang up and drive.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
Heart Attacks… God’s Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
Guys, just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to be one.
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?
100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
DON’T PISS ME OFF! I’M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.
You are depriving some poor little village of its IDIOT
I need someone really bad…Are you really bad?
We are born naked, wet, and hungry…Then things get worse.
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.
I wasn’t born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either!
Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it’s an amusement
park.
EARTH FIRST! We’ll strip-mine the other planets later.
Your child may be an honor student but you’re still an idiot.
If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.
Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her … or something like that.
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
If we are what we eat; I’m cheap, fast, and easy.
Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!
All generalizations are false.
I brake for no apparent reason.
Learn from your parents’ mistakes - use birth control.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.
Montana – At least our cows are sane!
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
i souport publik edekashun.
Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
Caution: I drive like you do.
Bad cop, no donut.
God was my copilot but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.
On an old mazda RX-7 - Don’t bother me, Im playing with my wankle.
For those that arn’t car buffs, the engine in the RX-7 was commonly refered to as a wankle engine.
Honk if you enjoy peace and quiet.
My other car is a piece of shit too.
My kid is imate of the month at the Nevada State Pen.
Seen on a old Yugo being towed by a large RV - Quit honking I’m pushing it as fast as I can.
Seen on Dodge Trucks - Ram this, and Dodge this
Hows my driving? Call 800-Who-Cares
Honk if something falls off
Not really a bumper sticker but a racing team in Texas is called
Dead Horse Racing - Because you can’t beat a dead horse.
I believe it was National Lampoon that had some ‘screw’ stickers inserted in their magazine. Just a picture of a screw, about the same size as the heart in the “I 
my German Shepard”-type stickers. The idea was to find someone with a sticker and make the appropriate modifications.
It took me a moment. But I’m still laughing.
I saw a similar thing done at my alma mater. Someone took a Purdue University sticker and changed it to Undue Purversity. OK, not great spelling, but it was still funny.
How’s my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT.
Green Light- Go
Red Light- Stop
Yellow Light- Go Real Fast
My [exotic sports car or luxury car name] is in the shop today.
I brake for tailgaters.
I haven’t lost my mind. It’s backed up on tape somewhere
It’s dated, I know, but I loved my old-
Just Visiting This Planet
My favorite was in plain block letters, black on white, that said:
My favorite one ever was one a friend of mine had on his car. It was just a small oval that said:
I’m cooler than you.
“Forget World Peace - Visualize Using Your Turn Signal”
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
JESUS IS COMING!
Quick, everybody look busy!
Jesus died to save you from your sins. If you don’t commit any, he’s going to be real disappointed.
Jesus loves you, everybody else thinks you’re an asshole.
I’d kiss anyone who had the pirate sticker on their truck. Unless its Carrot Top. shudder
I live in Florida so this is cute.
“If it’s Tourist season why can’t we shoot them?”
The best bumper sticker I ever saw read:
BAA, BAA
It was on the back of a black jeep.