Hill House - For sale by owner - Motivated Seller!!! $2,995,000
Hill House, not sane, stands by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it has stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more. Within, walls continue upright, bricks meet neatly, floors are firm, and doors are sensibly shut; silence lies steadily against the wood and stone of Hill House, and whatever walks there, walks alone.
Prestigious Street. Enter Through Iron Gates. Breath Taking Landscaping. Custom Built Home By Experienced Builder. Home Filled With Wainscotting And Coffered Ceilings. Walkout From Basement. This house, which seems somehow to have formed itself, flying together into its own powerful pattern under the hands of its builders, fitting itself into its own construction of linnd angles, rears its great head back against the sky without concession to humanity.**** EXTRAS **** All Electric Light Fixtures, Built In Appliances, Wine Fridge Included, Cvac, Cac, Sprinkler Systems, Heated Floor, Sauna, Wine Cellar. Measurements To Be Verified.
Beachfront English Country House – handyman’s special!
Tree-lined drive; servants’ quarters; beach cottage and other outbuildings; beautiful waterfront property! Centuries old family seat, but second wife has taken a dislike to it. Some scorch-marks, water and fire damage. Must supply your own housekeeper.
Hey, I think without the reference to the housekeeper, it’s not all that far from Jane Eyre. The ref to the first wife. And there was almost a fire in Jane Eyre. Of course, it didn’t get very far…but still.
Country estate for sale, in a mild European climate. Property is currently zoned as light commercial, and is presently operated as a retirement facility for government personnel. Security and monitoring systems recently upgraded, extruder prevention system is second to none. Buyer must maintain caretaking for current clients; they may check out any time they like, but they can never leave.
Sir: In your real estate advertisement for a European property, you are infringing upon our duely registered trademark. My people will be in touch with your people.
Be seeing you, (in court, that is)
Baja Hostelry Associates
Fancy gazing out over the water? Handy to tarn and mere, this desirable and atmospheric family residence is on the market for the first time in centuries due to a recent bereavement. A handyman’s paradise, this fixer-upper offers breathtaking water views, with extensive cellaring easily convertible to games room or extra storage. Usher yourself into a new lifestyle: don’t delay, this one won’t last!
E. A. Poe Property Investments: “For A Damned Good Deal”
Tired of city life? This rural property in southern France is for you. An educated neophyte farmer could have this farm producing in no time. Lovely old stone farmhouse with plenty of character, farmable acreage, access to springs only a half-day’s walk away. Nearby village has all the amenities, including bakery, cafe and butcher. Best of all, the neighbors are very friendly.
I only get the Batman, Hill House, and The Shining. What’s the housekeeper one and the retirement home? I recognize the “Hotel California” line but what’s that got to do w/ the government, etc.?
