This is probably going to be the lamest rant ever, but I need to do it.
Back in '95 I met Andrea. We dated for a while before she got pretty sick – both of her kidneys shut down on her permanently. Having lost her job and having nowhere to go, she moved in with me. A year later, she got a kidney from an aunt. That is, a non-blood relative aunt. (Her other two aunts had no sympathy for her, saying Andrea got renal failure just to get attention. Stupid bitches.)
Six months after that, we split up and she moved out. I called her maybe a year later to see how she was doing, and she said her donated kidney had failed. She was waiting for someone to die so she could get theirs. Ghoulish, but necessary.
Ever since then I’ve been wanting to call her to see how she was coming along, but I was always too busy. Or couldn’t be bothered. Or maybe I just really didn’t want to hear any bad news. Now I will always regret that.
Because tonight I got a call from her mother. Andrea finally got a new kidney in December. It didn’t work so well. She had complications, including a major heart attack, and finally died in January. It’s taken all this time for her mother to pull herself together enough to let me know.
Stupid fucking putrid stinking death. How the fuck could this happen? She was only 34, for God’s sake! How the fuck could she just go like that?
How can a rant about death and missed opportunities or things left unsaid ever be lame tdn? It’s the utlimate example of how unfair life is. I am truly sorry.
tdn: You had her with you for a little while before the shut-down. I hope that you both shared some very good times, and that you can think on those times rather than dwelling on what you should or shouldn’t have done.
It’s not a lame rant, my friend. It’s a way of letting us know that you cared for someone for a little while and that you miss her now.
Take a breath, tdn, and remember the good times. That is all that is required. She knows that, I’m sure.
Thanks for the post. Up until now I’ve just been in a state of shock. Your post helped coax a wet and salty discharge from my eyes. It’s a much needed release.
It’s really weird. I’ve lost grandparents and granduncles and grandaunts before. But I’ve never lost someone that I’ve – well – had hot monkey sex with before. And spent endless hours playing games with, and laughing, and loving, and fighting, and disagreeing, and playing miniature golf, and going to Second Beach, and playing the movie game, and…
Shit, a lotta stuff.
I really wish I could have held her hand one last time.
Thanks for the post. Up until now I’ve just been in a state of shock. Your post helped coax a wet and salty discharge from my eyes. It’s a much needed release.
It’s really weird. I’ve lost grandparents and granduncles and grandaunts before. But I’ve never lost someone that I’ve – well – had hot monkey sex with before. And spent endless hours playing games with, and laughing, and loving, and fighting, and disagreeing, and playing miniature golf, and going to Second Beach, and playing the movie game, and…
Shit, a lotta stuff.
I really wish I could have held her hand one last time.
It’s fucking horrible isn’t it. I got almost the same phone call about 10 years ago. The girl I had dated for a while has a brain embolism or something like that and died. 17 fucking years old. Her name was Annette.
