What is a foot long and slippery…
A SLIPPER!
How did Helen Kellers parents punish her when she misbehaved?
They left the plunger in the toilet
Book Title: Living Gay by Ben Dover & Phil McCrevice.
An arrogant old millionaire hated his family, and had no friends and he didn’t know who to leave his estate to. He finally decided to have a clone created of himself thinking it would be a way him to live forever. A it turned out the clone didn’t know right from wrong. He went out boozing up every night and whoring around. He was getting arrested all the time for his rude and lascivious behaviour. The millionaire realized his plan wasn’t going to work, and he needed to get rid of the younger version of himself, once and for all. The millionaire lured the clone to a cliff and pushed him to his death. He was immediately arrested for making an obscene clone fall.
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
he didn’t have the guts to
Or
They rearranged the furniture
What do you do when a leper rolls hois eyes at you?
[spoiler]roll them back - he might need 'em[spoiler]
How can you tell if a leper’s sent you a letter?
The tongue’s stuck to the flap
How do you make spaghetti?
Hit a leper over the head with a tennis racket
What’s black and white and red all over?
A newspaper
An embarrassed zebra
Two nuns in a chainsaw fight
Would the accumulated depreciation on a building in Tehran be an Iran contra-account?
What’s E.T short for?
He’s got no legs
Who speaks Spanish and drives a chariot?
Ben Hernandez
Who wears pink tights and drives a chariot?
Ben Gay
A stupid joke but it made me laugh.
What do you call Mailman Bob after he got fired?
Bob
Two peanuts were walking down the road and one was a salted.
Sherlock Holmes was asked to solve the scurvy mystery for the royal navy.
“And therefore, Watson, it can only be that a vital element is missing from the diet of our sailors–one which just happens to be found in citrus fruit.”
“But Holmes what does it all mean? How do you propose to cure scurvy onboard our ships?”
“A Lemon Tree, my dear Watson, A Lemon Tree.”
What do Winnie-the-Pooh and Attila the Hun have in common?
The same middle name.
I don’t get it.
elementary, my dear watson, elementary
make that:
elementary my dear Cicero, elementary
oh duh :smack:
Thanks for making me feel stupid! 
Anytime…what are fiends, er friends for?
Sorry I have been up all night and am in a silly mood.
Where did the owl move when he retired?
Boca Raton
How many Dobermans does it take to change a light bulb?
Four
How does a Frenchman say three kitties drowned?
Un deux trois quatre cinq
notfrommensa indeed!
{spoiler}text to be hidden{/spoiler}
with instead of { }
So a guy goes to his doctor, and complains of feeling tired and listless. The doctor examine him, and asks what he had for breakfast.
The guy replied “snooker balls, like I do every morning” (this joke was told to me by an Englishman…substitue billard balls if you like).
“Snooker balls?” asked the doctor, incredulously.
“Sure. I had a red ball and a blue one for breakfast this morning. Last night, I had a yellow and a black, and for lunch, I plan on having a couple of oranges.”
“Well”, says the doctor, “There’s your problem. You’re not getting enough greens”.