Q: “Do you smoke after making love?”
A: “I don’t know, I’ve never looked.”
(My favorite)
Kid goes to buy his first pack of condoms…
Pharmacist: That’ll be $4.05 with tax."
Kid: “Tacks???!!! Don’t you have the kind that just roll on?”
Some of y’all may have heard/read these before. I just thought we needed to lighten things up a bit around here.;)
Thanks
Quasi
What’s black and white and red all over and can’t turn around in a hallway?
A nun with a javelin through her head.
If you’re American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you’re IN the bathroom?
European (go ahead, pronounce it, it sounds like “You’re a peeing” Tee Hee Heee!)
What do you call a fly after you pull its wings off?
A walk.
Man, food prices are outrageous! I was in the bread aisle at the grocery store, and saw that they changed my favorite variety to pumperDIME!
Joe
What’s green and fuzzy and will hurt like hell if it falls out of a tree and lands on top of you?
A pool table.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?
Because he had nobody to go with.
I say I say I say.
What do you say? What do you say?
How do you start a pudding race?
I don’t know? How do you start a pudding race?
Sago.
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? Pun not joke live with it.
“I called my wife ‘kitten’ till we were married nine days. Then she got *her *eyes opened!”
What? I should have said Dimaggio?.
Eve? **EVE??? **EVE???
Oh, my, God! Where in the world have you been, and may I say how very honored I am that you chose to visit one of MY stupid threads???
And yes, I’d peel a grape for you! (I think that’s the last interaction you and I had here?:))
It is very good to see you again!!!
Quasi
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two. But don’t ask me how they get in there.
A couple on their honeymoon trip were about to make love in their Pullman sleeper birth, when they wondered if they might make a baby that very night. But that led to an argument over sending the child to Harvard or Princeton. Finally a voice came from the lower berth “why don’t you just stick it in her ass and send the results to Yale?”
“Rectum? Damn near killed him!”
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
From my Pappy-in-law:
The doctor goes to visit a rural patient. Her husband is out front with lumber, saw, hammer and nails. From inside the house comes a terrible hacking cough.
“Hey, Earl,” says the doc, “Heard your wife was doin’ poorly. That her coughin’?”
“Nope,” says Earl. “Buildin’ a henhouse.”
Joke for everyone - if vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Joke for the techies on SDMB (since there seem to be quite a few) - How many statisticians does it take to screw in a light bulb? That must be solved using a non-parametric procedure because statisticians are **not **normal!
Do you like shaggy dog jokes? I’ve got a bunch of them, I adore them, but they might be too long.
Cut and paste, flatlined!!!
Only you can skip the one which ends, “I wouldn’t send a knight out on a dog like this!”
All jokes are welcome here! Just consider me the bartender at the Hobbiton Inn in the Shire!
Thanks!
Q