I’d suggest making sure he can do better. It is a horrible position to be in to be punished for something he has no ability to correct. He may not know why he is doing poorly. Additional studying may or may not help, and if it does at what cost does that additional studying do?
Also just want to point out that forcing perfectionism is very hard and oppressive.
I don’t have too much to say but I was a teenager not too long ago. So from looking back at that and my sister during that age I wouldn’t recommend taking everything away. At least not immediately. If everything gets taken away he’ll have nothing to lose.
Speaking as someone who is probably a case study for some of my former teachers , I would first schedule an appointment with the school teachers and get the baseline on whats wrong.
At that age , I had changed from the top of the pile in grade eight , to the bottom of the highschool pool in grade nine and sometimes good students in grade eight have an adjustment in grade nine , clouding report cards, this may or may not be the case in your situation.
As for the grounding , pull everything for a week. Any longer and the situation just becomes normalized. What I would do after the week is over is to take him to a shelter and expose him to the less fortunate folks.
Declan
Mmm…is it better to do put in more time of supervised revision hours than grounding? Like “Right, every weekend, I want you do spend 4 hours revising, from 8:00am to noon before I let you out. If this failing goes on, expect the hours to increase, so during those hours you better haul your ass and study”
Mother of a 14 year old boy checking in here.
Homework and grades were always a hassle with Hallboy. He simply did not care if he got a 60% on a test or a 90% on a test. Homework? Who cared? Not Hallboy. I tried punishment that ranged from no friend visits, no phone calls/computers/Game Cube, etc. Nothing worked. He didn’t care, I was frustrated beyond belief and we were both miserable.
The past two months though have been very different. I think two things changed recently. One, he got his first high school report card. I got a D on three subjects and the rest were okay passing grades. We talked about how much summer school was going to cost HIM (not me–I’m not paying for it if HE fails). He turns 15 in May, so potentially he could get a job at either of the two supermarkets close by. Paying hundreds of dollars for summer school would seriously cut down the amount of disposable income he might have. (He wants a Wii–I’m not paying for it, but if he can save the money, then all the more power to him.) Also, when he brought home his report card, he was really upset that his grades were so low, but my response? “Wow, dude, that sucks.” I made it clear that they were HIS grades, not mine, and HIS reponsibility, not mine. It was difficult for me–very, very difficult.
Two, based on the advice of a doper in another thread (can’t recall where or who), I struck up a deal with Hallboy. The schools GPA goes up to 100 (not 4.0). When his first report card came home and his overall GPA was about 64, I told him that I would pay him $1.00 for each point over 70 for his overall GPA. Potentially, he could earn $100 a semester for his overall GPA. Never before have I paid for grades–and I hate the idea of it, but for Hallboy, it made sense, and apparently motivated him.
Last night, he brought home his math test–92%. He got his overall grade in science–96%. Last week, he spent an hour and 15 minutes afterschool with his Algebra teacher so she could help him with him homework he wasn’t understanding (and apparently this paid off with his 92% math test)–this was HIS idea. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this continues.
I don’t like the idea of punishment. Punishment sucks, not only for the person being punished, but for everyone else. I prefer the idea of consequences. Although it would nearly kill me (figuratively speaking) if Hallboy fails a class, or God forbid, an entire grade, that’s HIS reponsibility as a student. I can provide him the support he needs to get good grades, but untimately it’s his choice.
Good luck, Plan B.
I don’t agree with calling the taking away of electronics a punishment. It’s a removal of distractions. If your child is so attracted to the computer or texting that he can’t get decent grades then the problem needs to be removed. During my son’s two sport seasons he does fine in school because he doesn’t have time for computer games. In between he flunks because there’s something about all the electronic toys that sucks the will to succeed in school out of teens.
I’ve found that reducing time of video games just makes it worse. If they get taken away entirely for a fairly long time then they start getting a routine in place that doesn’t involve video games. It really is like an addiction, the first few days it’s like they can’t even function without electronics and that’s just sad. Usually thy are taken away until we get a midterm or report card with decent grades. If we were to make the period shorted it would just be a roller coaster of flunk this day, pass the next.
It’s not a punishment and we tell him that. Its learning how to live his life without staring at a screen every spare minute.
I have a 15 yr old who just brought home 2 F’s earned mostly from flunking or not turning in homework and passing tests. This is my second son in high school with this problem and I don’t think I can retain my sanity. It’s a very big problem with boys this age.
Not out of teens, out of your son (although I will grant you that many teens have this problem). And, um, not to be nasty or anything, but are you sure your son had a will to succeed in school in the first place? I’ll certainly agree that electronics can be an addiction and a distraction and it starts young–my nieces are 3 and 5 and would happily watch TV or play Wii for far more hours of the day than anyone else would consider wise. Their daddy’s not immune either, although right now he’s pleasing his wife by constructing shelves rather than playing with the Wii.
Grounding him a week won’t change a thing academically. You’re going to have to find a solution to his rebellion towards the school…
Is he being picked on?
Is he picking on others?
Are the teachers at the school real pricks?
Are the kids at the school just lame, to him?
Is there an issue with waking up in the morning?
Does he hate being forced to do things? (Doesn’t like authority)
Are the classes too difficult for him?
You really have got to find the problem before you can find a solution.
Go have a 1 to 1 talk with him and see what’s up…
Mom of a recently turned 15 year old daughter who just brought home a horrendous mid-term report card (NC’s in Algebra, Spanish, and IB Science) checking in:
For TheKid the problems run the gamut: the ‘newness’ of high school (versus being leaders of the pack in middle school), the difficulty of some of her classes, the concept of homework, higher expectations of teachers, and outside issues (addiction to her cell phone). Toss in one crappy teacher (Algebra), one very behind teacher (IB Science), and a dislike of the subject (Spanish) and voila! Crappy midterm.
I have asked her Algebra teacher to update the online system daily with homework due, but he will not. I’ve asked him to email me with homework due, he will not. He is of the opinion that it’s her responsibility to write down the correct homework. While I agree, it’s obviously NOT working. She stated he writes the homework due for all of his classes on the board with no delineation for hours. As noted in another thread, she started behind everyone else (transferred in late) and it’s been downhill ever since.
I agree with the few who have stated it’s of little use punishing her for past grades. Failing a class is not caused by one action, it takes time to flunk. Our agreement here is I get her cell phone when she comes home (or if I am in office it’s an honor thing… which I can check to see if she abides by online. Okay, so it’s not REALLY on her honor). Homework is to be done first. Once her homework is completed she gets her phone back until 10pm. The cut off is due to her staying up late texting and not being “ready” for school. Internet usage is out until homework is done. If she requires the computer to complete her homework, I angle myself to see where she’s browsing. If I see Myspace or IM’s up, phone is mine for the rest of the night - no allowance for completing her homework. We go through every class to see what’s due, I assist in any way possible (who knew I remembered so much Algebra!). It may sound convoluted, but it works for us.
She knows she will have to go to summer school, doesn’t think it’s a big deal. She finally realized Wednesday that attending summer school means no trip to Yellowstone this June - a trip she has been busting rump to raise funds for. Not my problem.
I would be interested in learning why Plan B 2.0 has gone on strike against school. Is there a bully issue? Clinical depression?
When I was in high school I was in much the same situation as Hallboy mentioned above. I simply didn’t care. I felt at the time (and still do, to an extent) that high school was simply beneath me. I didn’t feel that any aspect of the experience was worth my time or emotional energy.
Since I was in high school in the 80’s, there weren’t alternatives such as high school via the internet (I’ve heard good things about K12), so my choices my choices were either to drop out or slog my way through it.