I’m not even sure how to put this, or if I should even post it. But I’m bothered by it.
The other day I was visiting my mother. She lives in a row house (the house I grew up in) and parking is at the curb.
As I left I noticed a group of young people gathered on the sidewalk a few houses down, where my car happened to be parked. They were all African American. I’m a middle-aged white male.
One of them, a young man in his late teens or early twenties was leaning against my car talking on a cellphone. It’s a relatively new car so internally I had the kind of negative reaction most of us have when someone is violating our personal space in some way, but intellectually I knew there was no harm being done so I was prepared to let it go.
I figured that as I approached the car he would apologize and step away. I approached and unlocked the car (remotely). The second the lock clicked he jumped then moved away gazing down at the sidewalk and rapidly saying to me “sorry boss, sorry, sorry” like a child who had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar and was afraid that I would punish him in some manner. I mumbled something like “no problem, and I’m not your boss, man.”
I should add that I am in no way scary looking and was at least 30 years older than this man, and I hadn’t said a word to him. I should also add that this was in the Philly suburbs and not some rural town in Alabama.
It honestly reminded me of movies I’ve seen about the old Jim Crow south. The guy actually called me “boss”. The whole incident made me uncomfortable. I’ve never had anyone, regardless of race, act like that towards me before. I don’t want anyone to act that way towards me. Hell, I probably would have been less uncomfortable if he’d been a smart ass about it.
Honestly I don’t know if race had anything to do with it, but it’s nearly impossible to convey everything about a situation like this in text.
Just going by what you’ve described, I’d say he was a generally considerate dude who happened to forget himself, then was really embarrassed that you caught him accidentally disrespecting your property. I’d have acted the same way, and I’m completely white. “Boss” can just be a generic term of informal respect like “chief” or “sir.” I get called it on occasion, though admittedly by the staff when I’m in a store or restaurant, not by a random dude.
If race was involved at all, I’d say maybe he was afraid you would give him serious hell for Loitering While Black and wanted to defuse the situation as quickly as he could.
You may be right, but you had to be there. It seemed like it was fear rather than politeness. He wouldn’t even look at me. I should add that he acted this way in front of his friends.
I guess “loitering while black” may be an issue similar to “driving while black”.
I don’t know about the person in the OP, but I’ve been addressed as “Boss” by people in various retail settings lately (shoe stores and fast food outlets in particular).
So’ve I. Boss, Pal, Sir, Mate. I use them and I’ve heard them used towards me. It’s a tone thing really. If I was he and had said, " Hey sorry" and stepped away, my tone of voice might have made it okay or might have indicated a bit of attitude. Perhaps the use of “Boss” was quite intentional and a way of giving a bit of respect to the guy whose car was being used as a leaning post. A way of politely- without any Jim Crow or Stepin Fetchit subtext- giving a nod to having been just a smidgen out of line.
Never gives me cause to pause, although in the situation in the OP I can see why this thread was started. Methinks perhaps you are reading a bit too much into it.
Seriously? I think you might have been a bit over sensitive and he was just being respectful to a stranger’s proximity to said stranger’s car.
Interesting to read this. I was on the roof with my Dearly Beloved™ about a month ago, having dinner. ( 3 story apt building. Tar Beach roof ). I look down, and see a bunch of kids playing ball around the van, which is parked on the street. ( basic NYC one way street ).
A few of the kids are leaning against my van. Now, my van is beat to shit, it’s a 2001 Quest. I’m not as protective as you are- as you should be because your rig is new. Additionally, I flashed from " hey you kids get the hell OFF of my car " to my childhood. When we’d lean against a car to relax, but not hop up onto the rear hood or anything. These were young teenagers, but were doing exactly nothing wrong.
I didn’t make a peep, sat down and went back to my dinner. It’s the city. They were playing ball.
I’m going with that he was young and you, an older guy with a nice new car, might get pissed at him for leaning against your car. Some people are very protective of their cars especially the newer it is.
Also I’m in my early 30’s and I’ve been called boss by people older than me and younger than me and of many different races. I’ve heard that people who have been in prison say this to people after they get out. Maybe he has been in the pokey in the past and picked up that habit there or maybe not. I highly doubt all the people that have called me boss have been in jail.
Maybe he has poor self esteem, and can’t acknowledge even the most trivial of failures without self-flagellation. Nothing says a young black guy can’t be neurotic.
Or, maybe you reminded him of his judgmental and emotional distant father, and he was desperate for your approval without knowing why.
Or maybe some particular the phone conversation was embarrassing to him, and he just wanted to get away without it being pointed out.
Or, maybe he’s just socially awkward and acts submissively to everyone. It’s not that unusual.
Could be almost anything, really. ‘Boss’ by itself isn’t really groveling, some people call everyone that, and a lot of people over-apologize for trivial transgressions.
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Not that I’d know anything about that, of course. I’m sorry I brought it up. Really. I won’t do it again.
My take is that this group of young people own the street. This is why they were so leisure about leaning on your vehicle. They could just as easily keyed it, stripped it or stolen it if they desired and had time. The man’s language to you was code to his friends. Inside they were all busting a gut. You took it all in. Be glad you are gone free. Obviously, this is an opinion formed without specific facts as to your situation but substantial first hand experience.
I doubt that that’s the case. If it was then the this guy deserves an Oscar. I’m not exactly a gangsta but I’m streetwise enough to know when I’m being mocked and that’s not what this was.
