I love my family. Yet, I tend to live as far from them as I can. Something really, really psychological is going on I suppose.
I have been jobless for about six months now. It is getting to be be stressful.
Had a nice Thanksgiving last night. The whole clan was there. Nice time. We played Wii.
Tonight my mother is off babysitting The Wonder Child, and my Sister in Law invited me to join my two brothers and spouses to see “The Wizard of Oz” played to “Dark SIde of the Moon” at the local art house.
I called repeatedly to decline. Finally, my SiL picked up. I asked to be excused. “But why?”
“I would rather not go.”
“But everyone is coming.”
Look gosh darn it, I am going through a tough time right now and I would rather not be in any large crowds and do not wish to spend another night surrounded by family.
No I did not say it. I have a knot in my tummy. Why the heck did she have to lay a guilt trip on me?
She didn’t need to know you are uncomfortable in large crowds. I HATE familial guilt trips. Next time, just say, “I can’t go, I have other plans” or say you are not feeling very well, or say you hate the Wizard of Oz or Dark Side of the Moon (what the hell, anyway? That’s a show?). And drop it. It’s not her business unless you choose to make it!
Awww, man, it’ll get better. Unemployment sucks, and I know what you’re going through. Something will come up, though. Sooner or later, something always comes up, even if you have to start at the bottom washing dishes or something before moving back up the food chain.
Have you thought about just discussing it with your sister or the rest of your family? It’s not a rhetorical question; maybe there’s a good reason not to, but if your family knew the whole situation, at least they might know why you want to be alone. They might even be able to help with the job situation, who knows? It’s all about networking nowadays, and networking is a strange thing. One of the best jobs I ever had came thanks to an offhand comment in front of someone I’d never even met before. Two weeks later, I was in.
Anyway, good luck, and I hope your holidays get better. Sending good-jobby thoughts your way.
Thank you for your kind words. At the moment, I intend to play some first-person shotemup game. That ought to get the blood pressure down.
Grumble.
(Even worse is all those who have real problems in their lives. No matter how blessed we are, we always seem to find some little pinprick to ruin our happiness.)
I know how you feel. I’ve got a job that I don’t particularly like and I’m not having a lot of luck finding another job. I’ve got my parents on my case to “Do something with my life” (FFS, I got married this year, if houses didn’t cost such an insane amount of money we’d have one of those too, and the sort of jobs I want just aren’t available at the moment).
And I hate being around crowds at the best of times. In your case I’d just say I wasn’t feeling well or I had other plans- I certainly understand your not wanting to be around other people at the moment though.
I hate Christmas at the best of times too, so I don’t think it’s easy for either of us.
Paul in Saudi, I’m un(der)employed right now (have been for a while) so all I can offer is some well wishes in getting a job. They’re out there, just not as abundant as before. I just took a 10-hour a month job with a local non-profit; the hourly rate is good and, though part-, part-, part-, part-, part-time, I think I’m in a position to make so good contacts.
Also this: about five years ago I stayed at my brother and favorite sister-in-law’s house during Thanksgiving. While there, she decided to tell me I couldn’t have any more beer to drink (I’d had two). She also walked into the living room and summarily proceeded to tell me that my explanation of tennis scoring to my teenage nephew (with whom I’m very close – we share a birthdate), who’d asked me to explain it, was boring and he didn’t want to hear it. He was sleepy because he was waiting for his mother (my sister) to finish “visiting” and drive back to their hotel, but she decided I’d made him sleepy and that I should leave him alone.
We still talk but I’ve never been back to her house.
This is actually a good point. Working at part-time or strictly volunteer jobs is an excellent way to make contacts. It might not make ends meet for the time being, but it’s better than nothing, you can job search in your spare time, and the people you run into at these things quite often know people who know people whose brother is in HR at this firm . . . well, you get the idea. At the very least, it’ll get you outside yourself for a few hours a week helping people.
If you check out the Internet for volunteer opportunities, I’ll bet you could find something pretty good.
True dat, but you still have a right to resent your politely worded wishes being ignored. You didn’t want to go. Doesn’t matter why. You could have just preferred to stay home and catalog your thimble collection. Your SiL behaved like a jerk and no, you don’t have to be happy about it.
Sorry you’re going through a rough patch, Paul. Things will get better. A job will come through and you’ll be off adventuring again. In the meantime, my advice (worth precisely nothing) is to limit exposure to your family drastically.
FWIW, the best way I’ve ever found to deal with insensitive clods is to just repeat a polite refusal. Period. That’s all, no matter how demanding the human battering ram. No excuses offered, ever, because none are required.
SiL: Paul, you just have to come with us to the Battle of the Tympani tonight.
Paul: Thanks for thinking of me but I’m afraid I can’t make it.*
SiL: Nonsense, you know how much you love head-splitting cacophony.
Paul: Thanks but I’m afraid I can’t make it.
SiL: Why not? What better do you have to do? I already bought your ticket!
Paul: Thanks again but I’m afraid I can’t make it.
SiL: I don’t see why not. You know how little Ethelred counts on seeing you.
Paul: Thanks but I’m afraid I can’t make it.
SiL: You keep saying that but I’m sure you can. What time should we pick you up?
Paul: I can’t make it but thanks for inviting me.
SiL: We’re your family. I’d think you could spare some time for your family.
Paul: Thanks again for inviting me but I can’t make it.
SiL: Well what are you doing that’s more important that spending time with us?
Paul: Thanks for thinking of me but I can’t make it.
SiL: It’ll be GOOD for you. We’re just thinking you, you know.
Paul: And thanks for thinking of me but I can’t make it. Do enjoy yourselves. Bye.
*Or the polite, noncommittal phrase of your choice.
Inserting a slight singsong or slight robotic quality into your voice about the third repetition helps sometimes. If the human battering ram gets offended that’s entirely her problem. She isn’t being convivial or even kind, she’s forcing herself onto you. You were perfectly polite and can then thoroughly enjoy peaceful solitude for the rest of the evening.
Just popping in to offer my sympathies. I thought you’d managed to hook up with a new job in Saudi and were just in the States for an extended vacation beforehand. I’m really sorry to hear about your situation.
I know of your (highly justified) opinions on teaching English in Bangkok, but it could be an okay gig while searching for a better opportunity. Reportedly, teachers are getting top dollar in South Korea, Taiwan and even Vietnam.
The obvious issue as it stands with me however, is that your sister failed to offer up the hallucinogenic drugs that are apparently required for such an event.
Dorothy? Toto? Pink Floyd?
Is there anyone left that DIDN’T imbibe prior to this supposed “coincedence” that didn’t think that without the drugs, it wasn’t, well, a COINCIDENCE!?!?!
Good luck with the job man. Plus you have every right to feel as you do. I was kidding about the drugs and stuff.
The holidays can have strange effects upon people, and not all are happy thoughts.
