But only if it’s Stan! Otherwise, I find an appropriate disposal facility, like, oh, I dunno, a trash can.
Actually, I used to (in spite of my parents and teachers all warning us that gum is never, ever, ever digested). I’ve stopped since I’ve developed problems swallowing pills, which seems to extend into swallowing all non-edible things, including gum. Now I just look for a trash can.
Yeah, I swallow mine too, despite the warnings that it will stay in your stomach for 7 years. I don’t chew gum often, but I manage to do it without popping, snapping, or vapid cud chewing. It is possible.
And Stan, if you were so concerned about your wrist healing so that you could return to the world of poorly-paid design work, why the hell did you wait so long to go to the ER?
They’re half-right, actually. You don’t digest it, true, but it doesn’t stay in your gut.
I’ll bet if you timed it right, you could spit it into Stan’s hair.
Hmmm, sorry about the injury and all, but gum flipped your bike?
I’m just not buyin’ it. I don’t care how big a wad of gum it is - gum wouldn’t flip over a Big Wheel. Is your bike frame made of toilet paper rolls?
Carbon Fiber.
I couldn’t believe it either. Stopped the front wheel cold. There was a semi-hardened mass, just wide enough to wedge between the tire and the top of the fork. There is very little clearance there.
Anyway, x-rays turned up negative for fractures so they wrote me a prescription for Vicodin and sent me on my way. Face is still swollen and I have one hell of a shiner. We’ll see how the wrist and elbow feel in a few days.
Do you have any mounted police over there? Maybe they’ve started giving the horses gum to chew while out on patrol? You know, so they look as cool as their riders.
Thread is useless without pics of bike, the offending wad of gum and Stan’s shiner.
If he was in the UK, he could possibly apply to the local authorities to see if we caught it on CCTV. What a shame!
That would explain it. He’s got one of those god-awful expensive foo foo bikes. You fart in the direction of one and it’s off to the store for a thousand dollar fix. i have a cruiser from 1950, and an english three speed from the thirties that are still going strong on the original parts. Now get off my lawn.
Get a Fleshlight.
But seriously, you may still have a small fracture that the X-ray didn’t catch.
You may want to seek a second opinion, or look up the treatment for this kind of thing.
Well, the bicycle fared a lot better in the accident than I did!
Can’t find my card reader at the moment, or I would oblige.
It may be the Vicodin, but it is feeling better today, so I’ll wait and see.
You’re a fucking liar.
Vicodin makes everything feel better! 
Not sure if those who are piling on Stan are just having fun or are gum chewers themselves. As usual there’s very few folks here that admit to partaking in the offending behavior and the ones that do would never dream of doing it in a rude way or disposing of it inappropriately. Just kidding; I chewed gum most of my life until dental problems arose and I assure you I never popped, chomped or chewed with my mouth open:p
Anyway, I work with two people who have had their rude behavior pointed out and it has not slowed them down one whit. One, whom I have the supreme misfortune of having as a cubicle neighbor chomps all day, regularly popping it. She’s got her mouth open so wide you can literally smell it from the other side of the room. She shared the story of how she interviewed for another position in the company and everything went well until the end, when she was told she had the qualifications but would not be getting the position and was advised not to show up at an interview with gum in her mouth. This story was told to me in order to illustrate what a bitch *that interviewer * is, gum popping all through the narration.
The other one, I mentioned what a terrible habit it is, though pretending not to be directing it at her (passive agressive, I know) and she actually defended it, saying she’d read somewhere that vigorously chewing gum realeases endorphins and so she does it to relieve stress. Me, I get a big endorphin rush smashing my three hole punch into the mouths of (clueless) gum chewers.
See, to me, this isn’t about being a gum chewer, this is about being a jerk. If someone who has to be in close proximity to me a fair amount of time tells me any minor habit of mine bothers them/upsets them/skeeves them out, whatever, I will not do that around them. Because I am not a jerk.
Example: my sister lives with us. For some reason, she cannot abide people clipping their nails in her presence. Or touching their feet. Figuring out the reasons why these things bother her is not my job. But as not-a-jerk, it is my job to try not to do these things when she’s around.
Here’s an anecdote only marginally related to the subject.
Open-mouthed gum-chewing is obnoxious, but there’s one instance where I’m thankful for it. This office has an older man for whom those sexual harassment/cultural sensitivity training lessons are designed. If he corners me, I have to listen to some sort of dumbass sex or race joke, so I always try to dodge if I know he’s coming.
Luckily, he noisily chews gum with his mouth open. Always. I can hear him coming from a distance and it gives me time to be elsewhere by the time he shows up.
Thanks, obnoxious addiction!
The bolded word doesn’t mean what you think it means. If you got stuck on offal in the street, I sure as hell hope somebody wasn’t chewing it beforehand.
:raises hand:
Pics already taken of the gum all over my bike, black eye, etc. When I find my card reader, you will eat your words.