Well, it looks like I’m here for the duration now… No other obligations…
Someone give me something a bit stronger than beer, please…
I’ll just sit and sip and watch y’all for a while here…
Yer pal,
Satan
(Sitting in Vegas casino, sipping yet another beer, looking at watch, getting shot down by showgirls, drumming fingers on table, thinking, “Where the hell are those guys?”)
Scene 422: Outside, jail (DAY)
Several police cars drive up and disgorge prisoners in various states of undress.
Scene 423: Outside, Close-up of policeman (DAY)
Camera pans in on various mutilated and burnt animals in evidence bags.
Scene 424: Inside, Sergeant’s desk (DAY)
Sergeant (wearily) “I’m going to need all your names, addresses and licences.”
What’s your pleasure, Satan? I mean besides tradin’ temporal favors for souls.
We got some bourbon around here and maybe some scotch. I think I saw some margaritas back about 100 miles ago. Or we can all play “dollar shots.”
Seriously though, I’m sorry ya gotta join us. 
Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
OK, my last post was just a joke…but then I got thinking. Haven’t we got the perfect material for a Hollywood Blockbuster RIGHT HERE?!
Dear Mr. Tarantino,
The enclosed script contains:
- a road movie
- various violent acts involving alcohol, drugs and a moose
- sexual references and acts by both female and male members (of the SDMB, I meant)
- revolt against authority and destruction of property
Best of all, no-one’s claimed authorship!
In the bathtub of history, the truth is harder to hold than the soap… (Pratchett)
Hey Sea Lemon… get yur butt out of bed and get us some more beer!!
“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”
spits seargant in the face
You can’t do no nothing about me ya damn Yankee !! I need to be handed over to the Dutch authorities as soon as damn well possible !! No way I’m gonna stand trial in this jungle-jury-justice system of yours !!
Uh… not that I was even on that bus. I was just a tourist who got wound up in the arrest while shooting some pics… never seen any of these people before in my li-
Owwwww !! DAMMIT Sue quit pinching me in the behind !! Ya dumb Canuck !
Errrm… I mean… flanel shirt wearing Molson sipping lady, would you be so kind not to touch my derriere ?
Officer ? What’s with the Stun Stick ?
Ohhhhh Shiiiiiii________________________
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
::walks into lockup, shaking head sadly::
Man you guys. Next time you assault a bunch of nuns, make SURE that the Mother Superior isn’t the judge’s sister, would you?
::glares at Coldfire:: The Dutch consul’s on his way over. Something about an international incident, and the fact that you were seen on television drinking an American lite beer.
Ayesha, honey, you want me to work on those divorce papers after we get you out of here? What’s that? Oh ::evil cackle:: I get it, he’ll be LUCKY if you divorce him! Sure, I get it.
::smiles professionally at police Sergeant:: Now officer, it was all just a bit of harmless fun, a bunch kids out for a lark. What? Well, yes I know some of them are older than that, but only their bodies, sir, not their minds. And some of them aren’t U.S. Citizens, they didn’t know they . . . What’s that? Oh yes, all quite legal, I assure you. The burnt animals? Well, it was all part of a religious rite, you see, and all protected by the First Amendment, they’re all friends of Satan, and . . . . Oh, I see, well, yes, I understand that the nuns were upset, and I’m sure we’ll be happy to make a substantial donation to . . . .
::sighing:: Well, when will the judge be available?
-Melin
O no ! They caught me drinking Bud Lite ???
tears up Dutch passport and starts crying
I can never go home again… I’ll have to get assylum in Canada - just like our Queen in WWII…
wipes tears
Eh, Officer, can I get oot of this prison eh ? I’ve gotta go see my uncle, who lives aboot 20 kilometers across the border, eh. Any chance of doing us a favour and letting us oot, eh ?
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
Yer Uncle? Dammit man, the cops ain’t gonna believe that sorry excuse. I’m right here, ya drunken fool.
Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Pssst. Hey Melin. Over here.
< looks around carefully, then whispers >
Just tell the officers we’re on a mission from God.
We must go to Graceland and see: The King.
If that doesn’t work, then please get me some matches.
Then run.
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
WARNING: Bad pun ahead…
So Seale…you plannin’ on being a “hunka hunka burning love”??
Sorry…I couldn’t help making a bad Elvis pun. Thank ya, thankyaverymuch.
“The point of a journey is not to arrive.”
-Neil Peart, Rush
Officer, did I say Uncle ? I musta been oot of my head ! I meant my Canuck half brother Sue of course… 
UnlceBeer’s my uncle alright. And I ain’t drunk. I’m merely slightly intozzi… uh… intoscixa… rrrrrhhh… intossigated !
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
Errrrmmmm wait a sec now… women are the ones with tits, right ?
Sue’s my half-SISTER then.
(ps. UncleBeer: I sure as hell hope you didn’t click “e-mail notification” when you posted the OP 
)
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
Falcon: I’m sorry to have to do it, but it might be the only way to get us outta here.
Damn, of all times to have farter’s block. Somebody pass me some burritos, or something?
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
Bourbon… Scotch… Gasoline… Whatever works…
Yer pal,
Satan
:::mixing a Jim Beam Johnny Walker Conoco highball for Satan:::
D’ya want a beer back with that?
Well thank you for noticing Cold… now get me a damn beer bro!!
“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”
Psssssst…hey Seale! Yeah, I’m right here! What do you mean, where have I been? I’ve been here all along. Just keeping my mouth shut.
Anyway, remember that Stuckey’s we passed a ways back? I got some burritos. I’ve also got a little bit of leftover bear jerky, and some of Chef Troy’s chili. Will that help?
I don’t ever want to hear you complaining about the size of women’s purses again, either.
Holy shit…I pass out for a couple of days and wake up in jail…again!
…you gonna eat that?