Guy Stuff

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
441

Scene 438: Inside, Sergeant’s desk (DAY)

Sergeant is gazing at Cristi reaching into her bag when his attention is distracted by a tall tough-looking dude (with sunglasses) entering.

Scene 439: Inside, Sergeant’s desk (DAY)

Dude (mechanically) “I’m a friend of Sarah Connor. Can I see her, please?”

Sergeant “No. You wanna wait, there’s a bench.”

Dude “I’ll be back.”

In the background, Sealemon is frantically chewing.

Scene 440: Inside, Sergeant’s desk, looking outside (DAY)

A Chevy Impala is travelling at ramming speed towards the glass doors. Before it crashes in, however, there is a tremendous fiery explosion, which fills the screen.

Scene 441: Outside, Police station (DAY)

The station is on fire. A metal skeleton staggers out of a burning car, and falls lifeless. A group of suspicious-looking types hurry out of the building

to be continued…

442

Wow. I knew that bear jerky would come in handy.

443

All right, Sealemon blew the doors open, quick somebody grab a blanket and put his ass out (again).

OK, Uncle Beer and Coldfire,
you two grab his feet, Christi, Sue and I will get his head. No damn-it I didn’t say we were GIVING head ya pervert.

Ok now we need a volunteer to carry the matches and light him up if we need the flamethrower again. I think it should be the person with the highest purity score .

Lets move people, hurry up I got a Lion to
stuff and mount. I’ll teach him to ride off saying "free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty I’m free at last " while I’m being taken to the pokey !

Ayesha - Lioness

There are two solutions to every problem : the wrong one, and mine
(Thomas A. Edison)

444

oh, BTW Sealemon, are you happy yet ?

Ayesha - Lioness

There are two solutions to every problem : the wrong one, and mine
(Thomas A. Edison)

445

Why are all my clothes blown off? Fucking Guy Stuff Thread!

446

:Dan Bostaph drives up in a “borrowed” ambulance:
<font face=“comic sans ms” size=4>Guys, the back of this buggy is filled ith beer, pizza , and NITROUS OXIDE. I figure that the sirens and lights will get us anywhere we need to go; Mexico, Vegas, Disneyworld; you name it.At 130 mph. Don’t sit on the cake with the file in it on the back seat.

If we pick Disney, we won’t be bothered by Baptists; also we can do cruel things to the audio-animatronic figures in the ‘It’s a Small World’ ride.</font>

Is an appreciation of beauty a function of the human soul?

447

Well, I tried earlier to hijack this thread…er… this roadtrip and take it to Tijuana. I’m sure such an upstanding crowd as this would find a few things to do there.

Anyway… the busses are still waiting… and if any of you drunks didn’t notice… the jail doors are open…

And did I mention there is a fully stocked bar on each bus.

Plus, we seem to have an ambulance escort. I’m sure that will get us through the border crossing. Just tell 'em we’re organ donors, and we need the alcohol to keep our organs pickled until they are ready for them.

448

Spud,
Just wait right there, you have a Lion hiding out on that bus that I intend to do ugly things to.

Ayesha - Lioness

There are two solutions to every problem : the wrong one, and mine
(Thomas A. Edison)

449

Well, hell. THAT was fun. < takes a slug from the tequila bottle >

Yeah! That took the edge off the pain of having a burnt ass!

I’m just gonna lie down here in the back of the bus. Anyone wanna rub salve on me?

< strains of Isn’t It Romantic? playing in the background >

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

450

Sealemon, I will admire your ass. I will wave at it. I will draw pictures on it. And when this trip is through, I will think happy thoughts about your ass.

But I will not touch it with my bare hands.

Now, may I please have a shot of that tequila? Thanks.

::::thud::::

451

Wooohoo !! An Ambulance ! Now we can run over people without getting arrested. Can I run the sirens ?

Wait a minute now while I fart this sucker al the way back to the top…
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPP !!!

Aaaaaaahhhh…

Whoa ! I bet with them oxygen bottles and that left over keg, we could actually get some draught beers going !

Coldfire

“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
452

An Ambulance?!?

Cool… The guy thread just turned into The Cannonball Run!

Where is Jaime Farr?

Yer pal,
Satan

453

Uhuh, there is no WAY that I’m sitting in the back with that doctor, there’s something creepy about him I can’t put my finger on. Buuurp. Ah what the hell. belch.

454

HOLY !!!

10 friggen pages

we DEFINATELY gonna need mo’ beer

455

Jamie Farr? Well Satan, he’s here in Toledo, of course. I just had lunch at Tony Packo’s and I saw him suckin’ down some suds at the bar.

Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

456

don’t get distracted! We need more beer! That’s our first priority!

457

Forget beer. That’s for sissies. Here, have some tequila.

NO! Coldfire, don’t light that ciga…

This space for rent.

458

:::rumbling sound approaching the ambulance. People in ambulance looking out to see a beer truck pulling up next to them:::

Hey guys…you won’t believe what I’ve just done. I was just walking along and I saw this beer truck with the keys in the ignition and the driver inside the store gabbing with the clerk and I thought “Why not?”

:::getting out of vehicle, going to side and opening up the sliding doors:::

Wow! There must be a thousand cases of Bud in here. So where’s the party?

Shadowfox
“We are what we pretend to be.”

  • Kurt Vonnegut
459

The Geraldo Rivera show opens;

Today we have with us an eyewitness to the rolling mayhem that has terroized many states.

Our guest today is StrTrkr. StrTrkr is wearing a disguise and using a fake name, because he has almost be run down twice by that terroristic group and does not want to be targeted by afformentioned group.

StrTrkr tells us about your terrible ordeal.

StrTrkr: Well Geraldo, I was minding my own business, talking to a lad who believes in the way of the Jedi. This fellow and I were discussing the various aspects of the force and the more realistic show Star Trek. Jedi was telling me all the wonders of following the force when all of a sudden this RV with a naked Angel painted on the side swerves across a couple of lanes of traffic and runs over Jedi.

Geraldo: You mean they were actually trying to hit him?

StrTrkr: It would seem so Geraldo. As they were approaching I could see the group high-fiving and cheering the multiple drivers on.

Geraldo: Multiple drivers?

StrTrkr: Yes, it is the craziest thing I have ever seen. There must have been 10 people all crowded in that drivers seat trying to steer the RV.

Geraldo: Then what happened?

ST: Well, naturally, I was shaken up by such a near miss. Then a beer can hit me in the head.

G: They were throwing beer cans at you?

ST: Well, I don’t think so. I looked at them and then looked back and noticed that there was a terrible pile of beer cans trailing behind this RV. I think one of them bounced off the road and hit me.

G: Then what?

ST: Then I noticed a reporter covering the story. I decided to tell him what I knew.

G: What happened next?

ST: They came back and ran over the reporter. I am living in fear of these guys. I thought I was safe when they locked them all up, but now I hear they have escaped.

G: It sounds like you have had a terrible experience and are lucky to be alive.

ST: These guys are a menace to everyone. No one is safe while they are on the road.

::: A huge crashing sound comes from offstage. A bus with beer cans flying out of it comes crashing through the wall and runs over half the audience and out the back wall. Police cars follow in pursuit. :::

G: What in the Hell was that?

ST: It was them. They have found me. I do not know how but they have found me.

::: StrTrkr runs screaming from the building. :::

460

Shadowfox: It was easier than you thought, wasn’t it? Beer truck drivers are * way * to careless these days.

Miskch’s Law- It’s better to have a horrible ending than horrors without end.