For my next trick…
“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”
Hi guys
Somebody lob me a brew,por favor.
Damm what is this the campfire scene from Blazing Saddles !
Whats on the tube?
Hey CF whats you doin to the wheels?
Little later today I’m gonna put a cam and headers on the cuda,ya wanna come over and help play with the wrenchs?
t lion
:::knocks timidly at door::::
Uh, excuse, me I’m a neighbor and–good GAD, did someone die in here? (gasp)–but, well, did you know there is someone in your front yard “watering” your mailbox?
I believe he is the same person who was swigging a long-neck Bud and bellowing, er, singing “Sharp Dressed Man” at passing cars. The way he did the drum riffs by armpit squoohes was…uh…creative.
(Chokes. Flees.)
Wow, I guess I found the right place. When people start lighting their fingers on fire with 151, I know I belong there (haven’t thought of doing that since college).
Anyone care for some smoked bear jerky I just got? It’s fresh from a friend’s smoker (my wife won’t even look at the stuff). Tastes just like…nah, I’m not even going to go there.
My old lawnmower is starting to smell like… an old lawn mower. By spring I should get a new one, not a Sears one, ever.
I think I want one that mulches or bags, either way. Are those types any good?
Hello, Gentlemen.
I have a very nice '97 Kendel-Jackson Chardonnay, along with some wonderful cheese and crackers, also some fruit. So, can I borrow your copy of The Wealth Of Nations?
:::pushing and shoving me towards door:::
Gentlemen, I must protest! I–
::slam::
Bear jerky? Yeah, I’ll give it a shot, if only to see just how well it’ll mix with the beer & Cheesy Poofs I’ve been snacking on all afternoon.
To this day I am considered Tom Boyish by my peers, and I can burp and talk sports with the best of 'em, but, Oh, God, it smells like something DIED in here. (gingerly holding nose)…
Put down that toilet seat and clean up the little yellow puddles.
Get your feet off the couch.
Pick the Cheesy Poofs up off of the floor.
Would it kill you to use a coaster?
I won’t even suggest that you might want to pour that beer into a glass.
I’m going somewhere safe, like the Pit, until this place is cleaned up (hosed down) a bit.
DAMN, Sue! That was impressive! I think I’m in love…
< belches and farts at the same time, just narrowly avoiding dying >
Now where’s the tequila?
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
Uhhhhhh…excuse me, I’m going to step outside for just a moment. The beer, Cheesy Poofs, and bear jerky are having a violent argument in my lower intestine. I’ll be right back.
Awright, Cuervo! :::knocks back a double shot::: Smoo-oo-ooth!
Anyone see the latest copy of Hustler? There’s some stuff in there that would gag a groinacologist.
And the fold-out is my neighbor.
And, yup, I did 'er. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Oh boy, do I ever feel better. But the noise coming out of my butt really scared the dog. The little kids across the street were mightily impressed, though.
HEY! What is this coaster doing under my beer?
Snort Wha… Gaaaack Whazzat, I…Oh Shit, I knew I shuddna had that tequila…Oh Shit, wherze the bathr…raaaaalph! ack, braaaaack…Damn, sorry about the carpet Unc, I…Oh God Here It Comes again…
Reality is for people who can’t handle drugs.
-Tom Waits
Ummm, WeimarDog, ya might wanna go outside. I was in the bathroom about 5 minutes ago, and it needs at least 15 more minutes to air out…
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
I need some 30 weight oil.Have any?
(sound of knocking on the door)
Sir, I’m Officer Nookiewookie from the Toledo Police Department. This is my partner, Officer Iwannahumpalot. Several of your neighbors have called us, reporting a rather foul smell coming from this residence. Can you please step out onto the porch for a moment? Thank you. Sir, have you been drinking tonight? Can I please see some I.D.?
Shadowfox
“Most people would succeed in small things, if they were not troubled with
great ambitions.”
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)
Hel (hic) Hel (hic) hello, occifer, sir. Can I get you a beer?
Hey, are the cops gone yet? I mean, they were here about the smell, and I’ve reeeeeeeeeeeeally got to fart again, but I don’t wanna get anyone in trouble…
Excuse me while I put on my shorts, black socks and sandals, and go around the house shutting off the lights and muttering, “What am I, the Electric Company?”
This space for rent.
Oh Wally… you are the man of my dreams in that outfit!!! (been out drinking beer tonite… look out everyone)
“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”