I have never witnessed this with a woman, so women if you have this type of hug as well please chime in. But a Shake’n’Hug is when (usually) a guy walks up to another guy and shakes his hand, then pulls closer, still clasping hands and gives the guy a hug. It has become somewhat of a mainstay in men hugging each other. I don’t understand it. It appears to me to be two very different emotions going into two very different gestures.
If I shake your hand it’s firm and honest, I look you in the eye and either give or receive a salutation. This is usually saved for business type, or friendly type meetings.
If I give you a hug, and you are a guy, it’s because I know you, and you represent to me someone who is OK with getting a hug and I am ok with giving one. Usually on special occasions I hug my Dad, Brother, best friend etc…etc…
My wifes best friends husband? No. I shake your hand, don’t pull me closer and give me a Shake’n’Hug because you want to. Either shake, or hug…but please not both.
Any other guys not like the Shake’n’Hug?
I dunno, I like them in some situations. Sometimes they’re given by people and you’re just like WTF did you do that for? This is usually given by a new acquaintance that I didn’t feel that much of a connection with, but he gave as a kind of standard goodbye gesture. In other situations I think they work though. It’s hard to describe, because sometimes they represent a level above shaking and below hugging, but other times it’s just what the mood calls for.
With my friends sometimes I’ll give the shake only (and a lot of times with friends, as opposed to acquaintances, it’s the shake to the clasped thumbs, and occasionally I’ll touch the outside of the other person’s hand with my free hand during this part, for extra emphasis). Sometimes it’s hug only, but that’s usually for closer friends.
Dunno, like I said, it’s hard to describe why sometimes it’s an in between level, and other times just seems appropriate. I do all three and think they all have their place.
I actually like it. It provides a method for finding out if a guy is cool with getting hugged. When you shake and pull his arm, you can hug him if he pulls yours. If he doesn’t reciprocate in pulling, then he doesn’t feel comfortable getting the hug.
I think the OP believes that a handshake is a handshake is a handshake, but I definitely shake a friend’s hand differently than someone I do business with.
Depends on who and were, culture-wise.
An American guy doing the shake and hug, better be my dad. Otherwise I’ll feel uncomfortable.
A Brazilian? That’s simply how it’s done and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You approach the other guy, give a brief hand shake followed by a half hug, patting on the back, all the while saying E aí, mermão, tudo jóia? (Something like “Hey bro’, what’s up?”).
My family usually isn’t big on males hugging each other. Not that anyone would see it as wrong or weird or anything, it just isn’t done. I have a little brother whom I’ve always liked very much, but we’ve never been all that close. We got a lot closer during a few hospitalizations I had, when he spent a lot of time by my sickbed. He lives in another city now and we don’t see each other too often. Last September I was there and we spent an evening eating and drinking and bonding. When we separated, we had a shake’n’hug. That was very, very nice. It was a mutual acknowledgement that we were closer now.
What Agent Foxtrot said rings true. It provides a way to check if the other guy is okay with hugging, if he feels that we’re close enough for it.
It’s also a way to show that both respect and affection are present: I am female, but I do the shake-n-hug with my male students, especially at things like graduation where I want to shake their hands in a “today you are a man” sort of way and I want to hug them because we’ve spend two or more years together seeing each other everyday practically and that’s over now. I feel two different emotions, so I want to show both.
I do the Shake’n’Hug, although I’ll probably feel differently now that you’ve dubbed it that. I like it because it’s still a hug, but you don’t have to worry about your balls touching. Kinda like a nut coozie.
Not a guy, but I do it after prolonged absences with my guy friends. (Except it’s not a traditional handshake, it’s… that thing where you slap hands, slide the fingers along each other and then grasp the ends to form a fist.) This, to me, has always been the appropriate level of affection with guys I am close to in a strictly platonic way and have not seen in a while. Family members don’t get the handshake before the hug (the handshake implies an earned comradery and understanding I don’t have with family members). If I’ve seen the guy friend recently, it’s just the handshake; hug is only to say “it’s been awhile, I missed you” or (rarely) “congratulations/way to go!”
Girls, I just hug. Doesn’t matter how long it’s been since I’ve seen 'em. One armed hug, unless it’s family; they sometimes get both arms.
Women are more huggy in general, so I don’t think the issue is really as uncomfortable for them as it is for a lot of guys.
The huggy shake is not ok with me. I am not a physically demonstrative person with anyone but immediate family. I always find that kind of arbitrary affection especially weird from strangers or bare acquaintances. Also (I’ll say it), it’s kind of gay for guys to hug each other.
Strangely, I think the hand sandwich might even be gayer, though.
I’ve never done it. Nobody’s ever tried it on me. I can only imagine that if anyone ever tried it with me, they’d find me standing there, looking puzzled while they’re pulling on my hand. Heck, I wouldn’t even be shaking hands unless it was a formal introduction or a friend I hadn’t seen in years. I’ll tolerate casual hugs from the kind of women who seem to hug everyone, but hugging a guy sounds wierd.
NO NO NO NO. If you are not my father or son, I do not hug you if you are a male. If you are not my wife or daughter or mother, I do not hug you if you are female.
One arm only, and only if you’re a really good friend. Or I’m really drunk.
I personally don’t care for it. I am not by nature a super demonstrative person and if it is a casual acquantance it just feels odd to me. I have a brew pub I go to all the time and have known the bartender for 8 years and he always gives me a handshake/hug when I leave with my wife. I hate it! I find myself freezing up, and he has to sense that too. My wife is a very demonstrative person and is way into hugging. Her hugging me I enjoy. But many of her friends are the huggy type (and many of them are gay)–but it isn’t the gay thing. I don’t think of it even in that way. It just feels too close for someone I am not that familiar with.
Depends on the ‘bread’ in the sandwich e.g “Those aren’t pillows!!”
But on a less nonsensical note, if it’s an old mate who I don’t see from one year to the next, I generally think ‘f*ck it’ and hug away.
It depends on the person. I have a few Mexican friends that this is the usual greeting for. They’re the ones that initiate the shake’n’hug, FWIW.
Female friends usually give hugs (also depends if my girlfriend is around).
For the rest, there’s usually not any kind of formal greeting. There are a few of my weirder friends that insist on an enthusiastic high-five, though.
I think I did this with my friend at his dad’s wake last month – more intimate than a mere handshake, but we’re still guys, so an out & out hug would be a bit too mushy unless he was extremely emotional.
Outside of that, I can’t think of hardly any situations in which I’d initiate a shake & hug. I don’t mind when other people do it to me, though.
Is there some youtube video or something for those of us who have never seen what you’re talking about?
This only happens with me at wakes or funerals. Men tend to have a hard time showing emotion with each other.
We will hug at a big football game or other sporting events though.
Females are equally as hard to understand for us… 
You can’t imagine a hug immediately following a handshake, with the hands still clasped? :dubious:
ETA: Never search for “man hug” on youtube. Ever.
It’s the very first one, minus the lean and fling. You’ll see what I mean…
My friends and I do the Shake’nHug ironically. We all think the “guy hug” is a kind of silly thing and do it mostly to make fun of it. In general though, I’m not physically demonstrative with any people outside the family.
