Where did you get the “all” from sailor? I answered for myself.
More than half the times I have ignored shouted comments of this type, the comments have turned aggressive. I have in these cases heard all the comments that Eats_Crayons has gotten, and will raise her with a beer can thrown off a damned roof at me with “What, can’t take a fucking compliment bitch?”.
My female friends feel the same, to about 95%, with the other 5% made up of a group of women who do indeed appreciate the attention, and are pleased by the comments. Noone is saying that “all” women react to these experiences in the same way but you.
wow, i was really going to start a thread about this a few weeks ago when i didn’t walk two blocks without recieving such “compliments”. and the loooooong stares with a little smirk are just as disgusting. leave me alone, let me walk down the street without feeling your slimy eyes on me or forcing me to acknowledge your creepy little existence. i don’t take it as a compliment, in fact it makes me feel gross. it makes me think that if this is the type of attention i’m getting, maybe i made a bad choice when i was getting dressed this morning.
sorry, one of my biggest pet peeves. sometimes i really wish there were “common courtesy” police.
Seriously, the fact that this happens to me, as a guy, (except less extreme,) either means that there are far more homosexual hunters out there than previously thought, or it’s a territorial display.
And my thinking, when this happens:
MSmith wrote:
No, but if he’s bigger than they he could put a hurtin’ on one of them. It’s not like everyone is rational when threatened even when faced with overwhelming odds.
Wow. I’ve never had anything thrown at me. Impressive.
Dumb, related anecdote:
The best I’ve ever seen anyone cope was my best friend in highschool. Highschool was the mid- to late-80s for me. My best friend could do a painfully funny impression of “Sloth” from the moive Goonies. (Sloth was the disfigured, giant, simpleton with the heart of gold. “Sloth love Chunk!”) We were both “thespians.” Read: “over-caffeinated theatre brats with no shame.”
On the way to a rehearsal, a car full of guys hooted something at us. My friend started bouncing up and down, clapping, pointing at them and in her best Sloth voice of unbridled glee and extreme volume:
squeeeeeeeal! “He wants to be my boyfriend! I have a boyfriend! I have a boyfriend!” squeeeeeeeal!
We heard “shit!” and the car took off, tires squealing, and half the guys howling at their buddy.
I wish wish I could get away with that now. (But then, I couldn’t so Sloth like my best friend.)
Actually, the “hollering yo baby at women” thing is just the tip of the iceberg. Something like 94.7% of all the courting/mating behavior of my gender embarrasses the fuck out of me and brings to mind undersexed babboons hurling feces and whatnot.
I’d say it ruins things for the rest of us but I’m not sure a consensus exists among the remaining 5.3%…but I have to say my instinctive first priority when trying to flirt/mate/etc is to distance myself from all those stupid het male trodlogytes.
Sailor, I think your “some” was seriously deflated when it was prefaced with
which implies that “some” is a whole lot more than a small percentage. The above tends to imply that your “some” is a bit closer to “most.”
That may not have been your intention, I agree that there are some women who really do think “damn, I must be a hottie” and take the harassment as a true compliment. But I think the majority are doing the “thanks, now fuck off” smile to deflect even more aggressive displays of “I am Mog, hear me roar!”
I totally agree with Eats_Crayons on the gut instinct thing. A lot (actually, more like the majority) of guys that catcall and such give off a creepy vibe. When the vibe is creepy it’s best to just ignore them, don’t make eye contact, pretend you’re deaf or whatever. If they keep persisting, then it’s best to quickly aknowledge them (the terse smile as she suggested).
I’d also like to add that when I do give a smile, it’s usually a very quick one, followed by my looking away and the times I do it are few and far between. And obviously, only when they appear harmless. Of course, because I dare aknowledge them, even on rare occasion, I must be destined for a seat on Springer, according to sailor
And how about the baboon-brains who bellow “Hey, SMILE, Honey? Whatssamatta with you, huh?” I’m tempted to fling back, with a quivering lip, “My mother died this morning.” But I doubt the pinheads would learn anything from it.
That’s a wonderful way to deal with that catcalling jerk. Give 'em the attention he wants, and watch him flee!
Many years ago, I saw a series of theater sketches, including one vignette where a lady followed up on a construction worker’s catcalls. She turned the tables on him, started calling things back, freaked him out, and sent him running. (ISTR the sketch was called A, My Name is Alice. This was a college production, so the players might have written it themselves.)
So this particular technique only works if the initial target REALLY overplays their role.
Yes, “crazy” is very effective at turnign the tables that way.
Try this experiment: next time a bunch of doofuses (“doofii”?) driving past yell “Hey, baby!”, scream and start beating yourself on the head like Rainman.
I must say, this thread is reviving unpleasant old memories of my youth in the city. One of the nice things about becoming middle-aged, gray and frumpy is that you’re no longer a target for this crap.
I get this crap at gas stations. I usually just pretend as if I don’t hear anything, but sometimes it’s so loud you can’t help but have a reaction. I’ve actually considered getting a stun gun or some mace to carry with me for these situations.
In one week:
A. Two guys circled me while I was getting coffee and made various comments on my body.
B. A guy came up two feet behind me while I was pumping gas so he could, “check out my tattoo.”
I want to be ready the instant one of these mouthbreathers comes too close. Their comments and aggression make me feel threatened, not flattered. And invading my personal space makes me want to strike back.
Now, on the other hand, I’ve had men simply tell me I look nice or politely ask for a date. Those I can handle with a simple, “No thanks.” The others are about to get a rude awakening.
Oh yes, I agree! I’ve always been drawn to the quiet ones. Mrowl!
ahem
Back to the subject at hand! I’ve always ignored the guys screaming and making comments, they are not worth my time and energy to make a response. (I truly hate the ones who tell me to “Smile! You’re prettier that way!” Ugh.)
I had a friend who would stop and approach them and start asking them things like: “Why are you making those noises? Do you really think women find that attractive? Have you ever met a girlfriend this way? Are you just showing off for your friends or affirming your heterosexuality?” etc. She wouldn’t even give them time to respond and they always just slunk away (usually calling her names, heh) or drove off.
I don’t understand why they do it, but then I can’t just blame the guys. I’ve seen women act the same way. I fail to see the allure.
Just driving by to affirm that, yes, if you ignore the catcalls chances are IME better than 50-50 that you’ll then be called “bitch!” or worse.
I never ever respond to this crap, mostly because I won’t give them the satisfaction. But if guys think most women think this is complimentary or fun, they (those guys) are dreaming.
What if the guys were giving catcalls that were non-threatening/shallow? Like, “You have a wonderful mind!” or “Let’s be friends!” heh, I wonder what the reaction would be to stuff like that
What if the guys were giving catcalls that were non-threatening/shallow? Like, “You have a wonderful mind!” or “Let’s be friends!” heh, I wonder what the reaction would be to stuff like that
