Gwyneth gives birth to Apple

*HOLLYWOOD A-lister Gwyneth Paltrow has given birth to her first child - a baby girl - at a London hospital, it was announced today.

The Oscar-winning actress and her singer husband Chris Martin have named their daughter Apple Blythe Alison Martin.*

Oh my.

What? Did I miss something? Apple is ardly a common name, but I’ve heard much worse. Actually, its the rest of her name that bothers me. A bit too fancy for my tastes.

Blythe is her mother’s name, and Alison is a pretty name, but Apple?
Oh, yeah, they’re celebrities; it’s a requirement they name their kid something odd. Yeah, it could be worse, but if they have another one, are they going to name her Pear?

It’s a horse name.

C’mere Apple! Here’s a sugar cube for my girl!

Think of it this way, she could have been named Uglyfruit

it is good to see Mr.Martin’s first name is Chris, instead of Adam.

f-in hilarious! lmao (hearing it in some southern, backwoods tone)

I’ve always been a strong proponent of freedom for the individual, but I’m starting to think we need federal legislation prohibiting celebrities from giving silly names to their children.

“Hello, Ms Paltrow, I’m Special Agent Smith with the Federal Name Bureau.”
“How can I help you?”
“Well, first off Ms Paltrow I want to congratualate you on the upcoming birth of your child.”
“Why thank you.”
“Unfortunately Ms Paltrow, that’s not the reason I’m here. We’ve been reading some disturbing reports in People magazine and the National Enquirer. Specifically that you’re planning to name your child Apple.”
“Well…we haven’t decided…”
“Ms Paltrow, are you aware that Apple is a fruit not a name?”
“We were only thinking about it…”
“I’m sorry Ms Paltrow but with the welfare of a child in jeopardy, we can’t afford to wait. I’m afraid that I’m going to have to invoke Section 12, Paragraph A of the Celebrity Offspring Nomenclature Act. As of this moment your daughter will be issued the provisional name Mary. In the event that you give birth to a son, his provisional name will be John. You will be entitled to submit alternative names to our field office for a period of up to ninety days following the child’s birth. After that time, the names we have issued will be permanent. Do you understand these procedures?”
“Yes, but I hardly think all this was necessary.”
“Try telling that to Rumor Willis, Ms Paltrow.”

Sounds like a porn star name. This poor child will be teased mercilessly (kind of like I’m doing) if she goes to the wrong schools.

I knew a girl named Apple once. (She was Asian–I’m not sure where from, as I was very young at the time and barely understood such things.)

I don’t think it matters how famous her parents are, that kid is going to be teased so very badly. And it does make you wonder about the entire process of choosing the name. What on earth made them even think of ‘Apple’?

A friend has just suggested that they call the next one Macintosh, so they can have an Apple Mac.

It always drives me nuts when new parents say, “We named her [idiotic, “creative” first name], but we’re going to CALL her [normal second name].” And I can only assume Paltrow and Martin are of the same ilk.

God help us if their next child is Vodka … then we’d have an Apple Martin(i) and a Vodka Martin(i).

No, no, no…the second one’s to be called Pip.

I don’t have a problem with it, I’ve run into names that are much worse. And it’s pretty in a weird sort of way.

Ugh. Nothing else to say- just ugh. :smack:

I like it. At least it’s a real word, not “LaKeySha3WahMaHona” (The “3” is silent.)

She’s the apple of their eye(s)? (Do people still say that?)

They can name the next kid Microsoft.

That’s just rotten. :wink:

If I ever have a son, and me and my wench are not married at the time, I’ll name him “Bastard”. I myself was born a bastard (that’s my excuse :wink: ) but was adopted by a wonderful married couple. Kids tend to get messy, so I’m sure we’ll have a dirty Bastard.

I like “Ookla” for a girl. It has kind of a cavewoman ring to it. And cavewomen are cool. If we end up with twins, I’ll name the first one “Baby” and the second one “Afterbirth”. If the second is a girl, we can call her “Bertha”, for short. Maybe “Bert”, if it’s a boy.


Let’s just hope Little Apple never meets Dennis Rodman.

Y’know, the Worm
Worm in the Apple.
I’ll shut up now.

Being the conspiracy theoriest that I am, I am starting to think that Celebrities name their kids these stupid names for a reason ( other than to prove they are flakes.) Maybe they release to the press that they named their baby " Apple" but really the child’s name is Slyvia or Janice or something equally bland and are in training to be a superspy. Being that they will presumably have looks, money and access to places that us mere mortals will never get into ( except in E! or Great Vacation Destinations on the Travel Channels Sweeps Week.) and they are keeping the World Safe and Secure from bombs and germ warfare and bad, icky things.

It’s all so suspicious. :dubious:

I mean, what if Brittany Spears, who really has zero talent and everyone agrees with this, is actually a Super Agent or a plant by the Government to Make A Spectacle In Front Of The World to detract the cameras and attention from Bigger Problems at hand.

Exhibit A: Janet Jackson’s Wardrobe Malfunction.

The next day or so after Tittygate some important bill that would have caused a big bruhaha on all the news networks was passed and was buried in the newspapers while society yammered on about the indecency of a boob.
Exhibit B: Recently Brittany &her engaged to another woman who is pregnant iwth his child lover is caught on camera practically dry humping said guy.

But this story about a recent bill missing being passed by one vote, seems to have sank in the riptide of news stories.


Something’s going on out there.


Chris Martin’s mother is named Alison.

I think it would have been lovely had they just named her after the two grandmothers. Alison Blythe (Blythe Alison sounds too much like Blithe Spirit), nicknamed Apple.