So I offer myself as a potential date for Miss Paltrow.
I propose to take her out tonight to the brightest lights of Lavender Hill for an evening of Lager tasting with my closest friends (Dog end dick, drunken Duncan, Mutley and billy no mates).
This will be followed by a trip to the local ballroom (Clapham Grand) for the masqued ball “School Disco” (I am even prepared to take Miss Paltrow to Matalan to obtain appropriate couture for the ball.
I then propose to obtain a chauffeur driven unlicenced mini cab back to Owl towers. At this point I shall draw a veil, as a gentleman never tells.
On Saturday we shall rise early, in order to make our connection for inter-city travel to the bright, contemporary lights of Liverpool, where we will spend an invigourating afternoon in the company of highly paid professional athletes (and 35,000 blokes with beer guts) watching the “peoples ballet” (and hopefully Spurs beating Everton like a ginger step child).
On our return to the metropolis we shall again engage in the finest lagers known to humanity followed by the epicurean treats of the Mithali restaurant in LAvender hill, where we will take my usual table.
On Sunday we will go to the Garden Centre. You have to when you’ve got a girlybird. Its the law.
Now come come Gwyneth my child, how can you resist such temptation.
as long as I can be your mini-cab driver for the night. I’ll let you take my place in the G.P. queue. I see you know billy no mates as well, how about his younger brother billy wiz.
I realize it spoils everything when you have to explain a joke, I I just don’t get most of it. It’s like trying to watch “AbFab”: context works, but I need that finer explanation.
I’m reading this as on the order of “taking her to Wal*Mart for some “Kathy Lee Gifford” clothing, stopping by Denny’s for a quick nosh, then an evening of amateur drag racing at the local race track, and mebbe a couple of Budweisers at the local redneck-y dive bar.”
Peoples ballet: Famous quote from a politician describing football.
Ginger children get (rightly IMHO) a lot of micky taking in England. Step-children too, thus a ginger step child is the most beatable of creatures.
Lavender Hill is a place in Battersea, by Claham Junction Station. it’s quite nice. It’s where I drink. Have you poor benighted colonials not heard of the Lavender Hill Mob?
The Mithali is the local Indian restaurant. Every town has one. Often called the Taj Mahal. Cheap, open after the pubs, sells beer, puts up with drunks.
Garden Centre;
A place that sells plants and things. Woman make men go to them. You will never see a single heterosexual male at one.
And your translation is on the right lines. But because I said it with an English accent, it sounds more classy when I say it.
- be nice though, wouldn’t it…