h4x0r, Video Games, and Houses of Feces

The BBQ Pit
1

‘Hooked on Phonics’ only justified your laziness.

You chafed as ‘Ebonics’ was renounced as a sound and viable inclusion into the curriculum vitae of the school systems—and you attend a private school in Brentwood that easily accommodates the profusion of Beemers and modified rice-rockets clustered in the parking lot like some clumsy Goliath spilled his box of aesthetically-pleasing prophylactics.

School and autos courtesy of Pop’s Perpetual Pockets.

And after your days of regurgitation you speed home to your P3800000 with the 590GIG HD and your PENULTIMEGA GOOGLEPLEX Vid Card and your KLAXODRUMBURST Sound Card where to strive to achieve the apex, the brass ring, the coliseum and the upper echelon all rolled into that adjective you wish could replace all other descriptions of exaltation:

“1337”

Leet.

Your days at school consumed by obsession, you conjure up new means of killing:

Yes, with the hackneyed skill of the seasoned Barbarian, you contrive new means of slaughtering a language without remorse, leaving a chaotic swath of disjointed participles in your wake.

Yours is the language of the ‘h4X0r,’ tinged with the arrogance of the kept.

The pseudobabble of the cyberchildren nursing at the surrogate mother’s digital teat.

When I ask you why you use this means of communication, you reply ‘d00d stfu.’

I ask again. You reply ‘rofl, stfu fag.’

I remark that sharing the line with a 12 year old is always refreshing.

You say ‘OMG d00d ur so gay IM a frosh in colege so stfu’

I ask you why, if you are educated, you use this terminology.

You offer ‘ROFL I jus t4lk th1s way onl1n3, fag’

I see.

Your effusive derogatory spume continued to scroll across my screen as I soundly defeated you. You told me I was ‘gay’ because I took advantage of the fact you spend more time concerning yourself with flooding the server with your cleverly contrived witticisms and shot you point blank at the base of your skull.

You only improved when you finally stopped talking.

I hoped you would learn something from that.

But the time came when you surprised me and dealt me a killing bullet. You filled the screen with ‘HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA’ and began your self-aggrandizing bowel-purge anew, building your walls up with every keystroke.

Living in a house of manure will draw attention in many different ways. Unfortunately, very few of them involve appreciation.

You will have the company of beetles and flies who gather about you, feeding off the properties of the medium you’ve chosen.

Ultimately, the gas will kill you if you don’t make your way out the door.

I saw one of you the other day. How did I know?

You actually said ‘LOL’ while laughing at something amusing.

2

The first paragraph:

Should’ve been you.

First Formula result should have read:

Ur 1 l337 d00d!

And I should’ve raged harder.

3

Yes, but . . .

There’s a line.

You cannot hear me laugh, yet with :smiley: or LOL, you know I am. I suppose I could say, “that was so very funny I could not help but laugh out loud at it.” But I confess to a degree of laziness in that regard. Shortcuts serve a purpose, provided they do not obscure meaning.

That caveat aside, preach it, brother.

All your literacy are belong to us.

4

Now would be another one of those times when I just smile and nod…

Can anybody translate any of that?

5

OIC…LOL!
AFAIK & FYI, TANJ 4 dat CBU d00d.

GTG, BCNU!!!

TTYL,
Ender

6

andros–

I agree, there are instances where the acronym fits the crime, such as ‘quickie,’ common expressions like ‘LOL’ (Laughing out loud), ‘YMMV’ (Your mileage may vary) ‘IEMNWLOT’ (I eat my nutria with lots of Tabasco)–

It’s the whole ‘1337’ paradigm bleeding from the ‘Vid Movement’ that drives me mad I tell you mad.

I’m a game-a-holic (My name is Jason. “HI JASON!”) and sample just about every game out there. Some I play often.

There’s a rash, and I mean RASH as in the mottled red bumps you find festooning the sweaty parts that irritate RASH of ‘gamers’ that have shucked off mere ‘ballcourt trash talk’ in favor of incessantly derisive and almost utterly unintelligent haranguing from the safety of their anonymous easy chairs.

One of the grossest revelations is the fact that much of this ‘1337 5p34k’ takes more ‘fingerwork’ than typing the correct text–unless the substitution of ‘5’ for ‘S’ becomes ingrained, and every other substitution ‘h4x0r’ entails–and couple with this volitional misspelling and hamstrung grammar…

I’ve always had a problem with ‘cutesy’ phrases such as ‘Koffee Kup,’ Kar Kare’ and ‘Phun Phest.’ My mother thinks I’m cough anal cough (not to put too fine a point on it) because I really appreciate words, the power of words, and also understand how difficult our language is to even understand properly without delving deeply into it.

Many are satisfied with a limited vocabulary–but because I was first fascinated with the likes of Poe and Nathaniel Hawthorne at 7 years old (and used the word ‘ejaculated’ to mean ‘spoke’ in an English paper in 4th grade, which prompted an almost immediate response Um, what did you mean to say with this word? from my instructor) I appreciate the language and the myriad possibilities of utilizing it.

I understand the reticence to change that may have existed as our own language evolved, but this current trend has gone from the simple evolution of a word to deliberately urinating on structure in favor of sloppy ‘you know what I mean so why try to be specific’ drivel.

And the coup de grace—substituting numbers for letters. How clever. An intricate code!

@|||) h0// 5k3313|) | @|/| 2 u53 |7!

This is ‘Phil’s Phantasy Phunhouse’ all over again.

Except now it’s bleeding into our language like syphilis—poisoning the reproductive organs of our literature by deadening the mind to appreciation for literature, for grammar, and for structure.

Yeah, that’s an extremist stretch. Sure.

But this is the pit.

I’m gonna go play CounterStrike.

7

andros–

I agree, there are instances where the acronym fits the crime, such as ‘quickie,’ common expressions like ‘LOL’ (Laughing out loud), ‘YMMV’ (Your mileage may vary) ‘IEMNWLOT’ (I eat my nutria with lots of Tabasco)–

It’s the whole ‘1337’ paradigm bleeding from the ‘Vid Movement’ that drives me mad I tell you mad.

I’m a game-a-holic (My name is Jason. “HI JASON!”) and sample just about every game out there. Some I play often.

There’s a rash, and I mean RASH as in the mottled red bumps you find festooning the sweaty parts that irritate RASH of ‘gamers’ that have shucked off mere ‘ballcourt trash talk’ in favor of incessantly derisive and almost utterly unintelligent haranguing from the safety of their anonymous easy chairs.

One of the grossest revelations is the fact that much of this ‘1337 5p34k’ takes more ‘fingerwork’ than typing the correct text–unless the substitution of ‘5’ for ‘S’ becomes ingrained, and every other substitution ‘h4x0r’ entails–and couple with this volitional misspelling and hamstrung grammar…

I’ve always had a problem with ‘cutesy’ phrases such as ‘Koffee Kup,’ Kar Kare’ and ‘Phun Phest.’ My mother thinks I’m cough anal cough (not to put too fine a point on it) because I really appreciate words, the power of words, and also understand how difficult our language is to even understand properly without delving deeply into it.

Many are satisfied with a limited vocabulary–but because I was first fascinated with the likes of Poe and Nathaniel Hawthorne at 7 years old (and used the word ‘ejaculated’ to mean ‘spoke’ in an English paper in 4th grade, which prompted an almost immediate response Um, what did you mean to say with this word? from my instructor) I appreciate the language and the myriad possibilities of utilizing it.

I understand the reticence to change that may have existed as our own language evolved, but this current trend has gone from the simple evolution of a word to deliberately urinating on structure in favor of sloppy ‘you know what I mean so why try to be specific’ drivel.

And the coup de grace—substituting numbers for letters. How clever. An intricate code!

@|||) h0// 5k3313|) | @|/| 2 u53 |7!

This is ‘Phil’s Phantasy Phunhouse’ all over again.

Except now it’s bleeding into our language like syphilis—poisoning the reproductive organs of our literature by deadening the mind to appreciation for literature, for grammar, and for structure.

Yeah, that’s an extremist stretch. Sure.

But this is the pit.

I’m gonna go play CounterStrike.

8

andros–

I agree, there are instances where the acronym fits the crime, such as ‘quickie,’ common expressions like ‘LOL’ (Laughing out loud), ‘YMMV’ (Your mileage may vary) ‘IEMNWLOT’ (I eat my nutria with lots of Tabasco)–

It’s the whole ‘1337’ paradigm bleeding from the ‘Vid Movement’ that drives me mad I tell you mad.

I’m a game-a-holic (My name is Jason. “HI JASON!”) and sample just about every game out there. Some I play often.

There’s a rash, and I mean RASH as in the mottled red bumps you find festooning the sweaty parts that irritate RASH of ‘gamers’ that have shucked off mere ‘ballcourt trash talk’ in favor of incessantly derisive and almost utterly unintelligent haranguing from the safety of their anonymous easy chairs.

One of the grossest revelations is the fact that much of this ‘1337 5p34k’ takes more ‘fingerwork’ than typing the correct text–unless the substitution of ‘5’ for ‘S’ becomes ingrained, and every other substitution ‘h4x0r’ entails–and couple with this volitional misspelling and hamstrung grammar…

I’ve always had a problem with ‘cutesy’ phrases such as ‘Koffee Kup,’ Kar Kare’ and ‘Phun Phest.’ My mother thinks I’m cough anal cough (not to put too fine a point on it) because I really appreciate words, the power of words, and also understand how difficult our language is to even understand properly without delving deeply into it.

Many are satisfied with a limited vocabulary–but because I was first fascinated with the likes of Poe and Nathaniel Hawthorne at 7 years old (and used the word ‘ejaculated’ to mean ‘spoke’ in an English paper in 4th grade, which prompted an almost immediate response Um, what did you mean to say with this word? from my instructor) I appreciate the language and the myriad possibilities of utilizing it.

I understand the reticence to change that may have existed as our own language evolved, but this current trend has gone from the simple evolution of a word to deliberately urinating on structure in favor of sloppy ‘you know what I mean so why try to be specific’ drivel.

And the coup de grace—substituting numbers for letters. How clever. An intricate code!

@|||) h0// 5k3313|) | @|/| 2 u53 |7!

This is ‘Phil’s Phantasy Phunhouse’ all over again.

Except now it’s bleeding into our language like syphilis—poisoning the reproductive organs of our literature by deadening the mind to appreciation for literature, for grammar, and for structure.

Yeah, that’s an extremist stretch. Sure.

But this is the pit.

I’m gonna go play CounterStrike.

9

WHY DID IT POST THREE TIMES!?!?!?!??

I clicked ‘submit.’

But because this board is slower than a turtle race in a tar pit during the day for me it said ‘target not found.’

I clicked it again.

Same thing.

So fine. I come back a bit later, click again. Goes through.

That’s it.

New rant material.