Thanks Boss!
not sure why you are sad about it. its not all its cracked up to be… you just live one big lie
Well, in this case, the BF cheated on his wife with the OP. So he doesn’t exactly have the high road here.
With that added piece of information, it’s hard for me to feel sorry for anyone involved here.
They’re all pretty much getting what they deserve. You reap what you sow and all that.
I see two ethical options:
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Tell your boyfriend immediately and do whatever it takes for him to reestablish trust in your relationship. He will probably want you to establish no contact with the other man - it sounds like you must quit your job and find another.
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Dump your boyfriend immediately. You’ll still need to tell him so he can determine for himself if he should get STD testing.
My boyfriend and I have not had sex in about a year now. Part of the whole reasoning that led me to stray. I unfortunately am unable to leave my position at this present time. I also used protection every time with my affair partner. Chances are I will leave my boyfriend. Whether I tell him the truth or not is beyond me. As terrible as it sounds I will probably leave it out.
It seems your relationship has been over for a while.
Come clean with your BF, no need to divulge the affair. Not fair to your BF to keep him hanging. Woman up and be as kind and honest as you need to be while breaking up with him.
Exactly. Tell him so he has the chance to leave you.
If there is no chance you have given him a disease and you are going to break up with him, there’s no point in telling him about the affair.
If you are going to stick with him, you should give him the option of deciding if he wants to be with you given that you cheated on him.
And if there is a chance you have given him an STD, you should tell him no matter if you stay or go.
Dear Motivated:
I haven’t been in your shoes, but I have been in the same store. Please go back and re-read ThelmaLou’s post (#4). Now, read it again. Engrave it on your heart if you have to. IMHO, it’s the soundest advice you’re going to get about how to proceed from here.
You say you think about him every day. I understand that, but I also understand that you are in charge of your thoughts and can choose to think differently. When he comes to mind, redirect your thoughts to something else. I don’t care what it is: the weather, baseball scores, what you’re planning for dinner. You may have to do this many, many, many times a day but eventually you’ll stop thinking about him. It does get better in time, I promise you.
As for your future with your boyfriend, it sounds like you know that, for all intents and purposes, it’s over. End it. Don’t tell him about the affair. There’s no need to make him bitter. End it sooner than later. That particular horse is dead; just get off. The ride is over.
The purpose of the guilt and the pain and the shame to get to you swear to yourself (and really mean it) that you will never, ever do this again. You do not have to be a serial cheater. That’s a myth. You can be stronger than a mistake you’ve made in the past.
Good luck.
This.
Think of it this way: a married man doesn’t mind a free snack while on the road.
Feel them out with discretion, There could be some swapping that could wipe out all of the guilt.
I love confirmation bias.
You need to keep your mouth shut tight. There is no benefit in this scenario to telling your soon to be ex-boyfriend. It will cause a shitstorm that will spray everyone and may wind up costing you and the other guy your jobs depending on how vindictive your boyfriend is. Hint… a man getting cuckolded is plenty vindictive.
The main issue IMO is that because of your proximity to your 'senior" the next time his wife gives him a hard time he will be to you with his dick in his hand if he thinks he can get away with it. You can count on this happening unless you make it very, very clear it’s done. This is not one of those “let’s be friends” scenarios.
It’s all just hormones. Don’t worry about anything.
So… Your BF lives far away. You haven’t had sex in a year. Why are you even still with him? This isn’t a relationship that is moving forward. End it. No need to tell.
Your paramour is more problematic. But if you really are finished, end all non-work related contact.
And ask yourself why you are attracted to unavailable men?
Going against the grain here, I think you need to tell your boyfriend. I think he needs to know what kind of person he almost got stuck with. Or hey, if you’re lucky he’ll be cool with it. He may even want in on the action.
Oh trust me I have to the best of my ability. I’ve been ignoring his calls and texts as hard as it’s been.
As for the bf, he moved a few cities away about a year and a half ago to be closer to work as the commute was getting to be too much. We originally aimed to spend every weekend together when he left but his schedule changed almost instantly and he works every other weekend. It really had nothing to do with being attracted to unavailable men. Just circumstances changing. Prior to him leaving things were great and now not so much.
Why? What use or value will he get out of knowing?
Thank you!!!