Haha, North Korean rocket crashes and burns within one minute of takeoff

[Musicat]

I’m pretty sure they will blame the imperialist running dogs and their lackeys for the failure, just as the Dear Leader, Papa Leader and Baby Leader warned all along.

[elucidator]

[Jragon]

“Test run of stolen American Strategic Defense Initiative missile defense platform technology successful”

[psychonaut]

@Chimera

No way they admit any failure on their own part.

Sorry, you lose. The DPRK government has publically admitted the failure.

[voltaire]

To add a bit to the schadenfreude, here are some quotes from an article written by NK’s “unofficial spokesman” from a few days ago.

…North Korea is the fourth-most powerful nuclear weapons state, just after the US, Russia and China. North Korea is the sole state ready to engage the sole superpower in nuclear war with the US mainland transformed into the first theater of thermonuclear conflagration.

A pre-emptive strike on the North Korean Unha rocket would prompt Supreme Commander Kim Jong-eun to order the Korean People’s Army global strike force to retaliate in a way unimaginable to the American policy-planners, bombing the Metropolitan US back to the Stone Age and completing the job by vaporizing it until there was no trace.

The contemporary Kwanggaeto (the 19th monarch of Goguryeo, the northernmost of the Three Kingdoms of Korea) - the Great Kim Jong-eun - is one click away from ordering the KPA:
• To launch an immediate all-out cyber-attack to play havoc with all the computer systems throughout the US to reduce its government, military, economy and culture dysfunctional.
• To mount an electromagnetic pulse assault on the US mainland with hydrogen bombs detonated far above on its heart.
• To deliver thermonuclear warheads onto key cities such as New York, Washington, Boston, Philadelphia, Denver, Chicago, San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego, Seattle, Austin, New Orleans, and Jacksonville.
• To vaporize them without any trace left on the ground.
**
<snip>**
**
Jaw-dropping satellite launch technology**
An invited bevy of overseas experienced experts on space technology and journalists will most likely find their jaws dropping when they are taken to a tour of the ultra-modem Sohae Satellite Launch Station, the general control and command center and allowed to observe the liftoff of a heavy-lift Unha rocket carrying an observation satellite.

They will doubt their eyes at the sight of a highly sophisticated, shiny heavy-lift satellite launch vehicle lifting off, all its component parts and electronic gear, indigenously designed and produced.

Overseas space experts and media people will gain indisputable evidence that the North Korean rocket does not carry a warhead but a peaceful satellite as its payload. All the world will see that there is no factual basis in the allegations heaped on Pyongyang by Obama and company, which are similar to the pre-war hype by Bush and company presented to justify their invasion of Iraq.

The Americans, the South Koreans, the Japanese and UN secretary general Ban Ki-moon will look fools, totally discredited in the eyes of the world audience. Meanwhile, a successful launch of an observation satellite into polar orbit will provide the North Koreans with publicity for low-cost satellite launch services available to any interested party around the globe.

There’s a lot more, don’t miss the part under the heading: “Obama blinked, visibly trembling”

[Eutychus]

The Onion got it right yesterday.

I say let them go ahead with the test. There’s a good chance of this being really hilarious when it doesn’t work.

[running_coach]

@voltaire

To add a bit to the schadenfreude, here are some quotes from an article written by NK’s “unofficial spokesman” from a few days ago.

There’s a lot more, don’t miss the part under the heading: “Obama blinked, visibly trembling”

You bet he was trembling. He was trying to hold back the laughter.

[furt]

I see no sign that this test didn’t work.

Sure, the rocket failed, but that’s part of the process. America’s first ICBMs failed repeatedly; you learn from the mistakes and keep working.

And while they are working on that, the other goals of the test are achieved: they’ve reestablished their bonafides as crazy dangerous people the US has to deal with, but can’t actually do anything about. We can stop the food aid, which will lead to a few more peasants starving, but that’s not anything the regime cares about. Or we can continue the food aid, which means the threats are proved hollow.

At the end of the day, there are still no real options for the West/US/UN other than another round of negotiations, in which North Korea will demand tangible rewards in exchange for intangible promises. And if history is any guide, they will get what they want.

[Swords_to_Plowshares]

@voltaire

To deliver thermonuclear warheads onto key cities such as New York, Washington, Boston, Philadelphia, Denver, Chicago, San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego, Seattle, Austin, New Orleans, and Jacksonville.

Oh god, not Jacksonville!

[amanset]

@friedo

The fucknuggets at ABC decided to interrupt Jeopardy to announce this non-event to the world. Do you know what this means?

THE NORTH KOREANS HAVE RUINED JEOPARDY.
Rat bastard fuckbollocks.

Seriously, why the fuck would they do that?

[Jackmannii]

"Commenting on the launch, Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen said he “greatly admired” Kim Jong-Un, the Supreme Leader for standing fast in the face of international pressure.

Guillen invited Kim to throw out the first [del]missile[/del] ball at an upcoming Marlins game."

[Musicat]

What a fascinating juxtaposition of demonic threats:

North Korea is the sole state ready to engage the sole superpower in nuclear war with the US mainland transformed into the first theater of thermonuclear conflagration.

with ridiculous boasting:

the North Korean rocket does not carry a warhead but a peaceful satellite …

[VinylTurnip]

In other news, the entire staff of North Korea’s aerospace program is enjoying an all-expenses-paid vacation in an undisclosed location and could not be reached for comment.

[Buck_Godot]

@furt

I see no sign that this test didn’t work.

Sure, the rocket failed, but that’s part of the process. America’s first ICBMs failed repeatedly; you learn from the mistakes and keep working.

The difference is that we didn’t schedule the testing for Washington’s Birthday and invite the world press to see a demonstration of the US’s technical prowess.

[gamerunknown]

Looks like the US version of jeopardy was ended for the viewers and just began for the North Korean scientists.

[John_Mace]

@VinylTurnip

In other news, the entire staff of North Korea’s aerospace program is enjoying an all-expenses-paid vacation in an undisclosed location and could not be reached for comment.

No kidding.

[Death_of_Rats]

@friedo

The fucknuggets at ABC decided to interrupt Jeopardy to announce this non-event to the world. Do you know what this means?

THE NORTH KOREANS HAVE RUINED JEOPARDY.

Rat bastard fuckbollocks.

BWHAHAHAHA! The REAL plan was a complete success!

[VinylTurnip]

Informed of the failure, Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un reportedly became so emotional that he dropped his Game Boy.

[Darth_Panda]

@Musicat

What a fascinating juxtaposition of demonic threats:

North Korea is the sole state ready to engage the sole superpower in nuclear war with the US mainland transformed into the first theater of thermonuclear conflagration.

with ridiculous boasting:

the North Korean rocket does not carry a warhead but a peaceful satellite …

Well, at least it didn’t have a demonic satellite.

[Morgenstern]

Does NK really have the ability to support such an expensive adventure? Or are there other entities/countries supporting their research and development? I wonder who is really footing the bill for all this?