My mom’s never been a fan of Halloween. Thus, when I was a kid, Halloween wasn’t fun times around our house and if I wanted a costume I had to make it myself. Not easy for a kid. I usually ended up looking stupid.
When I got older I made myself some costumes but being cheap and not too handy with a sewing machine, they always came out awful. When I got a dog, she started having Pet Halloween parties at her daycare (shut UP!) and so far I have managed to put one decent costume together for her in 4 years. Mostly I just screw them up.
I just sort of gave up caring about Halloween.
Now I get invited to a couple of Halloween parties a year…which kind of sucks because I can’t blow them off as I get invited to ZERO other parties per year.
My problem is this…
I am cheap, so I refuse to spend money on something I’ll wear once or twice ever and toss (or have to store!)
I am fat, so most off-the-shelf costumes do not fit.
I do not have the burning desire to make something that involves sewing (especially since I have uhm…1 days)
I want to be comfortable during the parties I go to, not in some getup that would keep me from sitting down or that rides up or shows my ass (also note the fat part)
The best costumes I have come up with this year that are quick and cheap are a boxer (sweatsuit, gym shoes, boxing gloves around my neck, hand wraps, fake face bruises) or some sort of ninja (I have a black gi from karate and various colored belts…I could buy a sword or something and a head wrap).
Both of those are comfortable, but neither is feminine. Seems like when you’re my age (27) women need to come to Halloween parties dressed somewhat slutty. So if I show up in a sweatsuit looking like a boxer - well I’ll probably just look stupid. Same as a ninja.
So should I go as one of my craptacular ideas or just don’t dress up? Most of the parties I go to, everyone is dressed up. I HAVE been known to come sans costume but that’s equally as lame as wearing a stupid costume.
I have a hard enough time as it is going out to parties…knowing that I am looking like an idiot makes it all that much harder. Both going and not going, at this point, put a major dent in my self-esteem.
Dress like a white-collar worker (dress shirt, tie, slacks), carry a clipboard, and go as an IRS auditor. Fake glasses and wheedy whine FTW.
Similar to the above, but put on a jacket (full business suit), then have one of those “Hi! I’m ______” stickers – but write in “Republican Page Recruiter”
Wear anything you want, and carry a cereal box that’s got a knife (any kind) stabbed through the middle. Congratulations, you’re a “cereal killer.”
Hit any costume place for devil horns and tail. Hit Fashion Bug’s clearance rack for a white summer shirt, you want cheap but with maximized cleavage display properties. Draw, paint, sew, whatever a yellow circle on your tummy, attach tail and horns, poof! You’re a sexy deviled egg for under $20!
Beats my several previous years at coming up with an answer for “what are you?” when not in costume - “a homocidal maniac. they look like everyone else.”
The toga thing…yeah, way too sexy for this bod. Plus I don’t have any white sheets. Have you seen the cost of sheets??
Don’t use sheets. Wrong shape AND too expensive. Go to a fabric store and buy six yards of the cheapest unbleached muslin they have. Togas are great on any body type! If you don’t want to reveal a bare shoulder, wear a T-shirt underneath it.
Get thee to the local Goodwill store. You can find all sorts of stuff there…older clothes that work for a (insert your favorite decade) look, bright scarves/skirts and costume jewelry to do a fortune teller look, any old clothes combined with some makeup for a zombie look, other odds and ends you can piece together for whatever you want.
My halloween costume cost less than $30 and is fairly easy to assemble. I bought white scrubs and dyed them pink, bought some stick-on velcro, cheap tongs, clown nose, red yarn and some white poster board. I cut the poster board into the “bone” shapes from the operation game and velcro them to myself and attach the tongs to the waist of my pants with the yarn. Voila! I am “Cavity Sam”, the guy from the boardgame! (I am a chick, but I consider it so cool it is genderless.) Then people can use the tweezers/tongs to remove the bones and every time someone pulls one off I can make the noise the game makes when you mess up and touch the metal edge.
Borrow or buy cheap a graduation gown (nice an roomy). Get a witch hat from a discount store. Make a wand out of a stick. It’s a Harry Potter extravaganza! If you want to go slutty, wear lingerie underneath and unzip the front just enough to show some lace. Now you’re one of those bad witches from Knockturn Alley.
Put your hair in a severe bun or something, wear dark lipstick and some sort of plain, no-nonsense business attire, and roller skates. You’re a bitch on wheels!
I’m hosting a big costume party this year, and I don’t want the ladies to dress like bimbos. I’d rather see a “bride of Frankenstein” or half-decayed zombie. I can turn on the TV & see bimbos any day of the week.
With that said, a few suggestions - they should all be do-able on the cheap:
Get a bunch of socks & similar small items of clothing, safety-pin them to your pants and shirt; and go as Static Cling Woman.
Get a basketball & short length of chain, and go as “The ol’ Ball & Chain”
Do your hair up like Cathy Bates in Misery, and carry around a sledge hammer.
Wall Mart was selling “tatoo sleeves” that you put on over your arms, and they look like tattoos. They cost about $5. If you have an armless black jacket of some kind, grab some tattoo sleeves & go as a mean scary biker girl.
If you’ve got a Santa hat lying around, pick up a costume beard & go as Santa. The guy has to be doing something the other 364 days of the year, right?
Some halloween stores sell temporary tattoos of scars and burns, etc. Drop $10 on them, put them on your face, neck and arms, put the palest makeup you own on and dress in old clothes - zombiefied girl for cheap.
