Halloween decision-- just curious what others think

The Quarantine Zone
1

So, DH and I had a difficult call about Halloween this year. I’m still comfortable with what we did, but I’m getting some shocked looks from other people when I relate the situation, so I’m curious what others think.

This is over; I’m not looking for advice. And I realize I could get raked over the coals for sharing; I’m OK with that, it’s just an MB. I’m still curious how other people would have processed this, and what decisions they would have come to.

Here’s the situation: the boychik got invited to a Halloween party. The parent of the teenage “host” called me up to inquire about the boychik’s vaccination status, because they wanted to limit the guests to vaccinated kids. Also to inform me that they were going to use a contactless thermometer to check everyone’s temp on arrival, and turn away (with a gift bag) guests with temps over 100°F. They were not requiring masks of everyone, but if anyone seemed to be coughing, they would request that this person wear one. And there would be tons of bottles of hand sanitizer available.

They were taking lots of other precautions, and I won’t list them all, but they were, for example, writing people’s names on cups to hopefully eliminate someone accidentally drinking from the wrong one.

This is the boychik’s freshman year of high school, and this is the first party he’s been invited to this year. The “host” is a new friend from a different intermediate school, and a very nice kid-- it’s a relationship we’d like to encourage. We know the parents, and trust them to carry through on these things.

The guest list was not huge-- only about 10 people, which is small for a high school Halloween party, and we were told that if weather permitted, they would stay outside as much as possible.

The boychik has been fully vaccinated since the summer, so we let him go. He also has no pre-existing conditions that could make a COVID infection very serious, or him more susceptible-- not that we take an infection lightly, but it’s relevant information. And to be honest, had he been asthmatic, or something, we could have made a different decision.

Again, I’m not looking for advice, just for other people’s thought processes around this situation.

FWIW, he seems to be fine. Have not gotten any phone calls saying there was someone positive at the party.

2

I read through expecting a catch. But… that all seems fine to me. I would have let him go too.

3

My kids are 13 and 16. We are still getting a lot of “Am I allowed to do X?”, especially from my older daughter who is more socially active. Both are fully vaccinated and healthy.

Our younger daughter spent Hallowe’en with her friend group from school with one kid who was not vaccinated (anti-vax family) and the unvaxed girl went out trick or treating, but was not invited for dinner - she knew why and didn’t have a problem.

Our position is you make choices about everything and try to do thing as safely as possible. They make the best decisions they can with the information they have. You made a good call.

4

I have zero issues with your analytical process and decision. I would have done the same.

5

I didn’t see any obvious red flags in there. Sounds like everyone is being responsible and cautious. You have to protect yourself and your kids, but you still have to live your lives, too.

6

Yeah, I’m not sure what you thought you’d get ‘raked over the coals’ for. It sounds like you and the parent of the party host took sensible precautions and did everything you guys could to protect the kids.

I’ll contrast that with my youngest son, who is a Sophomore and on the Student Council this year. They were responsible for building the Sophomore class Homecoming float, and I got recruited to loan my trailer and then to drive it in the parade. It was actually kind of fun-- we drove from the parade route right onto the sidelines of the field and I got to watch the game from the sidelines.

No one-- of the thousand or more people there— were wearing masks; except my son. He’s vaccinated and very sensible, and he was literally the only one masked up except for maybe one other student I saw. It did all take place outside, but still, there were a lot of people in very close quarters.

Then he went to the Homecoming dance the next evening, which was held outdoors under a tent, and he said no one was wearing a mask at the dance either. He said he eventually took his mask off because he felt self-conscious.

And a day or two later he got sick with coughing and fever! Took him right out for a Covid test and he tested negative. So apparently there is still other stuff going around besides Covid.

7

Ditto! :slight_smile:

8

Well shit. After that intro, I was expecting something juicy, but instead, all I got was parents acting responsibly!

You owe us something scandalous @RivkahChaya ! I’m leaving this thread disappointed!

9

I guess “DH” is “dearest husband” or something, not Designated Hitter?

Anyway, that party was way more cautious than anything I’ve been involved with since everyone I know got the vaccine. So, looks fine to me. I’m in a very cautious area, but parties are basically back to normal at this point.

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One aspect makes me uncomfortable: the part where someone who was coughing would be required to wear a mask. If you suspect that someone is symptomatic, why wouldn’t you just tell them to stay home? Especially if it’s coughing, which is not a likely first symptom for those who are vaccinated.

Neither is fever, BTW. But I get that, if you have the thermometer, you might as well use it. It doesn’t hurt.

I would also have loved to see testing. The at-home tests are relatively cheap (especially if they tried a 10 pack) and people spread the virus before becoming symptomatic. It seems odd to me that testing before larger gatherings isn’t the norm for those who can afford it.

I wouldn’t judge you for not adhering to my standards. I don’t even have kids. But those were the thoughts that ran through my head when I read the requirements.

11

You did fine, all very reasonable accommodations were taken. Young people actually need peer group interaction, it’s important too.

I’d have done the same, you shouldn’t beat yourself up!

12

That’s a no-brainer. A vaccinated freshman in high school has got to be about the safest person on Earth (well, from covid, anyway…) Live your lives, especially young people.

As soon as my son can get vaccinated (and he’s <5, so we’ll be in the waiting game a while longer yet), we’re going to get back to full normal here. And I’ve gotten feedback from well-informed sources that I’m probably being overly cautious.

13

Reasonable. I would say yes also.

Unless he is a high risk, with asthma or something.

14

You can never get to zero risk, but this sounds like as close as it’s possible to come, and a very reasonable and worthwhile degree of risk vs. reward (teenagers do, I think, need social interaction!). I would say you made the right decision.

This is not a bad idea, but in my own very direct experience, the at-home tests many times don’t show anything until you’re symptomatic anyway. It’s good to confirm what you already know, but people can still be infected and transmitting the virus before the at-home test will show positive. Still, it can’t hurt, and might help to reduce the risk even a little bit more.

15

Boring. Come back when you actually do something naught!

With the precautions (small group, vaccinated, mostly outdoors), a potentially moderate-high risk activity became a low risk activity.

16

Piling on to say that the parents who were hosting the party were taking excellent precautions, and I see no flaws in your decision to let your son attend.

17

Yeah that seems a perfectly reasonable call. No shocked looks here. I can see how some people might have err’ed on the side of not letting him go, which also wouldn’t have been shocking to me, but I’d probably have made the same call.

Given teenage boys (remembering my teenage years), I’d have added an extra precaution to remind the little eejits that if you drink the hand sanitizer you will die :slight_smile: Thats possible judging everyone by my own low standards though.

18

It seems to me that the parents running this party should get rewarded for going out of their way to be safe and keep everyone attending safe, good for you for letting him go.

19

If that’s “borderline irresponsible”, I’m a monster. I let three other 10 year olds spend the night for my son’s birthday. None of them vaccinated, of course, but all from fully vaccinated households. That was really the only precaution we took. It was the riskiest thing we’ve done in a while, but doing it once is a still a very small risk, and chances were good that even if someone was positive, we’d all be fine. And he told me it was “more fun than he could have imagined”.

20

Thanks to everyone who responded.

Now that I think back, the people giving me dirty looks were all people who either have very small children, or no, or adult children. In other words, people who either don’t know, or have lost touch with, what it’s like having a teenager-- their social development is really important. Also, people with reasons to be very concerned about exposure. People with several children under vaccination age, or with very elderly parents-- over very elderly themselves-- who need to be concerned about asymptomatic carriers.

Usually, I’m not concerned about other people’s opinions of my parenting choices-- I let my son play in mud puddles when he was little, and run around pushing an old tire because he thought it was fun, and it wore him out. I didn’t spend money of some sanitized version of the same thing, and take him to a specialty park with an entrance fee to do this activity. I let him stay home by himself after school when he was 10 for an hour 3 times a week, because he begged me to, and demonstrated that he knew how to be safe. He had friends who weren’t left alone until high school.

Just wondering where this was in in the grand scheme.