The hamsters, indeed
Like to cross-breed
So, that is why
Our posts sometimes die.
Them I can’t blame;
Their lives are quite tame.
And, the service is free…
Such ingrates are we.
Dang, I was hoping to get the Raven. And EN did end far too abruptly.
How about a zinc haiku?
Hamster named Hampster,
Does his job very badly.
Quit knawing zinc bars.
Ok, not so much…
She scored perfect eight hundreds on her College Board;
This lady is quite the exam-ster.
But, none of her brilliancies got to the board;
They were all gobbled up by a hamster.
Okay, I’m loving me some William Carlos Williams parody here.
Are you enjoying both of them, Matt? You’d think after two years on the board I’d have learned not to hit submit twice when it seemed at post didn’t go through.
(I was going to parody Margaret Atwood - maybe I’ll keep working on that.)
Every girl I go out with
becomes my hamster in the end…
Oh, every girl I go out with
becomes my hamster in the end…
I can hear my mother calling,
but I don’t need her as a friend…
every girl I go out with
becomes my hamster in the end…
REVENGE
I mailed a hamster to my daugher
Living on the other coast
But, she never got the pet I bought her,
The hamster was eaten by the post.
Twas the 'eve of Christ’s arrival
I’d unwrapped a retroviral
attending to my hosts revival
Amazed by the shocking scene
of Hamsters on my Bowflex machine
Tiny rodents, pumped and oiled
Drop power-lifts and straight-arm coils
“Our problems posting soon be foiled!”
I shouted, as the wheels begain to spin,
into the fury’d din of our furry seraphim,
Indeed! Our posts grew ever faster,
But our blessing turned to disaster
Swift the hamsters became OUR master
So, dear reader:
From my newfound cycling position
Let me caution your condition
Complain not in times of weal
It might be YOU next on the wheel.
Charge of the Teeming Millions
Half a thread, half a thread
Half a thread onward,
All in the Server of Death
Posted the twenty thousand.
"Forward, the Teeming Millions !”
“Charge for the troll !” he said:
Into the Server of Death
Posted the twenty thousand.
"Forward, the Teeming Millions !”
Was there a member dismay’d?
Not tho’ the poster knew
Someone had blunder’d:
Their’s not to make replies,
Their’s not to reason with,
Their’s but to do and writhe :
Into the Server of Death
Posted the twenty thousand.
Hamsters to right of them,
Hamsters to left of them,
Hamsters behind them
Squeek’d and nibbl’d;
Storm’d at with pellets and smell,
Boldly they posted and well,
Into the Thread of Death,
Into the Forum of Hell
Posted the twenty thousand.
Flash’d all their ideas bare,
Flash’d as they debat’d with air,
Scolding the sinners there,
Charging an arm, while
All the board wonder’d:
Plunged in the debate smoke
Right thro’ the argument they broke;
Trolls and Socks
Reel’d from the argument stroke
Shatter’d and sunder’d.
Then they posted back, but not
Not the twenty thousand.
Hamsters to right of them,
Hamsters to left of them,
Hamsters behind them
Squeek’d and nibbl’d;
Storm’d at with pellets and smell,
While poster and lurker fell,
They that had tought so well
Came thro’ the Thread of Death
Back from the Forum of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of twenty thousand.
When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the Board wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the Teeming Millions,
Noble twenty thousand.
Oh little Hammie, I think it’s time you hide
all these dopers are after you, they’re after you in stride
they give you time and time again, their trust and then they boast
but all you do is let them down and swallow all their posts
::prays for Hammie:: 
:smack: that is supposed to read ~prays for Hammie~
Some of you need hobbies:D
You’re the “Slim Hampster”,
Yes you’re the real Hampster.
You are a chatter master
that sounds like Meredith Baxter.
So won’t the real "Slim Hampster,
please shut up.
Please shut up.
Please shut up.
(I make absolutely NO apologies to eminem for this. Heh!)
This doesn’t count? 
I had written out a letter which I had, for want of better
Knowledge, posted on the M Board as I knew it months ago.
It was speedy when I knew it, so I trusted it to do it
Just as fast and as efficient, but the hamsters, they said NO.
So I pressed another button, and I sat there strangely mutt’ring
How I’d like to screw the hamsters as they’d screwed me over raw.
Send them off to hades squawkin’, for to pay for them abortin’
All my witty, clever postings that the MB never saw.
(Humble apologies to Banjo Patterson for desecrating ‘Clancy of the Overflow’.)
Song of the Volga Hamsters
(Very Slow)
Yo, heave ho! Yo, heave ho!
Slowly push the post along.
Yo, heave ho.
Wow - I forget about this thread for a couple of days and it is filled with brushes back tears some of the most moving, beautiful cyber-rodent poetry ever unleashed on the world!
Thank you all so much for joining in my lamentation - if this doesn’t kick-start the furry little fukkas, nothing will.
Waiting.
Communication stilted,
Hamsters.
I think that I shall never see,
My post here on SDMB,
'Cause hampsters in voracious quest,
Did my posting full ingest.
The hampsters run on rusted wheels,
And of my posts they make their meals.
Bloated now they all must be,
From eating postings constantly.
Scraps of words lay at their feet;
They even eat those writ in l33t.
There’s other boards, yea, verily,
But only hampsters charge no fee.
Hamster is a hamster is a hamster is a hamster.