It is with deep regret that we note the demise of the most recent SDMB hamster, Slomo, who carried on the solemn duty of spinning the cage wheel that powered the SDMB server (Radio Shack, $19.95). Slomo, a lifelong sufferer from anemia, asthma, and neurasthenia, was despondent over the 10,000 newbie GD thread centered on issues of Cosmic Significance (Is God a Homo?) Foul play is not suspected.
A replacement of equal quality was delayed by the requirements of SDMB’s policy of ensuring the useful employment of alternatively abled rodents. We welcome the arrival of Deadmeat, and urge our participants to patience and understanding, as Deadmeat has three legs and is addicted to barbiturates. We expect no discernible change in quality.
And, of course, fuck.
Obviously the 8,000,000 post thread on alternative author versions of the Lord of the Rings in Cafe Society (and featured in slashdot) did not help things much.
I believe the situation was also aggravated by infestation of dick jokes in the BBQ “virgins” thread.
Which makes me wonder:
How many dick jokes does it take to kill a hampster?
And just how big is the hamster’s dick? It’s got three legs, after all.
Is Deadmeat a hamster or a hamstress?
The fourth leg was caught in the wheel…very tragic. Deadmeat has had to improvise to get his job done.
Sounds painful ! Perhaps he lost it when the treadmill was stuck…in Gere ?
<Honk Honk >
Godspeed, Slomo, and thank you.
All hail Deadmeat! Long live Deadmeat!
We need to get him hooked on speed instead. I know it’s cruel, but the ends justify the means. Right?!
Although you all think you’re joking, I can just visualize jdavis sitting at a monitor reading threads like this aloud to his little friends, who are laughing maniacally.
Sir, your suggestion is appalling. Not as appalling as Werewolf of London’s execrable pun, to be sure. But, nonetheless appalling.
This just in: it has been revealed that a previous power source, the aptly yclept Twitch, was experimented upon in precisely the manner you describe. It remains uncertain whether this was the actual cause of his induction into the Choir Invisible, or whether he succumbed to one-too-many of Scylla’s Proust-like excercises in self-revelation. Rumor has it that the Moderator involved was sentenced to Texas.
My dick is so big, it could choke a hamster.
An unbalanced hamster named Slomo
Got upset over Is God a homo?
…So he gave up his seat
…Was replaced by Deadmeat
Who had last worked for Mario Cuomo.
Wouldn’t that be four?
I swear I don’t work for Auther Anderson.
What do you call a well hung three legged hampster?
Thank you! Thank You! I’ll be here all week!
Damn, december! That limerick complies with the rules of scancion, and is blessed with a modicum of wit. Clearly, our tutelage and patience is bearing fruit. We are amused, albeit mildly. Be that as it may, the rehabilitation required to compensate for the unspeakable groaner “cassus belly” may be beyond mortal means.