I just want to know, how do other parents handle (or not) their kids’ genitals? Personally, I’m a hands-off type. Except for bathing or medical purposes.
I’ve been discussing the subect online on a messageboard where the dominant view is that genitals are no different from any other part of the body. And thus there would be nothing wrong with a honoring their toddler’s request for a kiss “down there”.
I don’t think that necessarily implies that genitalia are shameful or dirty, merely that they’re private.
I bathed both my younger brother and sister when they were toddlers. I didn’t have any qualms about handling my brother’s private bits, but I had my sister do all her lathering and stuff herself. I just held the showerhead for her and brought her the towel. And “a kiss down there” is definitely not proper.
That reminds me of something overheard in my doctor’s waiting room. A pregnant woman with a toddler girl, was telling her friend that she was glad the new baby was going to be a boy. Her husband refused to change the little girl’s diapers or even bathe her, because he didn’t think it apropiate. So she was glad he’d be helping with the new baby.
As for me, I see nothing wrong with necessary touching as long as the child is too young or otherwise unable to clean or medicate his/herself.
Basically I’m a pretty hands-off dad. My son can clean his own Johnson, thanks very much.
At seven, he still has no qualms about our seeing him naked (bathtime etc), but I don’t allow him to see me in that state, and although his mother never minded, I tell him not to go into her room when she is changing. I’ve also banned him from running into the women’s locker room where I work, as was his habit since he was a toddler - he’s definitely too old for that.
So yeah, I guess I’m getting all Victorian on the poor little tyke, but I think that is no bad thing.
I think some middle ground can be had between the ‘that part of you is dirty and private’ and ‘kissing genitals’ (another :eek: for me please about that practice…WTF?!)
Slight hijack: My mom always made a huge deal about me seeing a woman nude. She thought I would grow up ‘warped’. So she always freaked out any time there was accidental nudity of any sort (real life, photograph, etc). Not surprisngly, this made me kind of obsessed about naked women for much of my youth; I can’t help but wonder that if she didn’t overreact so much then maybe I wouldn’t have thought nudity was such a big deal.
Use common sense about things like this, but try not to overreact/scare children. Often it just makes things worse then they were before. Much of the way I am now is not due to what I was exposed to as a child, but rather how my parents reacted to various things.
Bathing, diapering, and medical reasons are the only reasons I could see to touch my kid’s genitals. (My kid’s old enough that the first two definitely don’t apply…and probably the third as well.) Keep it professional. Kisses are right out.
Would these “enlightened” parents let their kids kiss them there? :eek:
Are the individuals writing those messages from a different culture? I read a case in criminal law first year about someone who was Afghani and was sent to jail by neighbors who reported him for having pictures of him kissing his son’s penis-apparently it was some sort of tribal custom. If I remember correctly it was eventually overturned-happened in the state of Maine.
Toddlers ask for kisses down there? My parents didn’t even kiss us on the mouth!
I’ve heard suggestions that there’s peoples (possibly Inuit) that placate young children partly through such behaviour. However (unsurprisingly) Google isn’t helpful, and I’ve no other cites. And certainly, any ‘request’ by a toddler is a serious concern.
The message boards mentioned by the OP, however, aren’t necessarily bad - just unsuited to identifying such problems. And their wider point is valid: it’s not just sexual organs that need to be de-stigmatised.
It was State v. Kargar (looked up old first year outline)-father was kissing his son on the penis which under their cultural laws was acceptable up to the age of 5 to show love.
Not just Afghanis. Remember the grandmothers in the Elian Gonzalez case? When they were allowed to visit him from Cuba they outraged the nun who had helped organise their trip by pulling down six-year old Elian’s pants and tweaking his penis, making a comment about whether it had grown much since they last saw him.
This is common in many Latino families. I was pretty shocked myself when one of my Dominican sisters-in-law kissed my four-month old son’s penis when she helped me bath him. Other non-Latino foreigners I know have also expressed shock at such customs.
There is a definite obsession with baby and small boys’ penis size too, for some reason.
Um, well according to her profile, the poster in question is from Kentucky. However, lest I cast aspersions on the Bluegrass State, let me add that I know many fine people who currently reside there. None of whom have expressed any interest in my twins’ genitalia.
I think the other posters on that board might be talking some sense into the gal in question, who is after all 21 yrs old and perhaps not that experienced in issues such as these.
Slight typo in my OP - I meant to say that keeping genitalia private doesn’t imply that they’re shameful or dirty.
The thread in question has been moved “pending administrative review”. So perhaps even among the loosey-goosey hippie types there’s a bit of queasiness about mommy honoring her son’s request for special kisses. I sure hope so.
The “kissing the penis” reminds me of a joke I heard a long time ago:
A young boy finalyl reached the age where he could stand up to go to the bathroom. Seeing other men do it, he was very proud of himself for no longer having to sit merlt to take a piss. However, he still had to stand on his toes and sort of “flop” his penis over the bowl to giet it to work. Well, one day, the seat came back down, hitting his penis. Being a small child, he creid and cried till his mother came in.
“What’s thematter?” she said.
“The seat hit my winky!”
“Oh you poor baby.”
At which point the boy said, “Kiss it and make it better?”
and the mother replied “Oh, honestly, you’re just like your father!”
“genitals are no different from other parts of the body”? They sure are. I wouldn’t be offended if some stranger in the store touched my shoulder, but if they try genital contact they will get a fist in their face.
That reasoning doesn’t work because parents pat their children on the bum and there is no sexual connotation, yet the adult bum is definately a piece of meat connected to sexuality.
So she was glad he’d be helping with the new baby.