Just caught my 14yo son smooch'n with his girlfriend. (Need answer fastish)

Parents of the daughter dropped her off earlier this afternoon.

The kids were out back swimming in the pool. (At least they were supposed to be.) I walk out back about to fire up the grill. And that’s when I caught them kissing in the pool.

Not wanting to embarrass them, I didn’t make a big deal out of it. All I said was: “Hey guys, come on now.”

Now I’m wondering if I need to tell the parents when they pick her up tonight. To be honest, it really wasn’t all that bad. Very mild. Basically what you would expect from kids that age.

So should I tell the parents?

To me, it’s no big deal. But then again, I’ve only been the father of two boys. I’m not entirely sure if I’d feel the same if I had a daughter.

It’s a double standard, I know.

I only question this because I don’t want the parents freaking out and forbid their daughter from ever seeing my son again. Thus making my son a very sad little man.

Or, I don’t know. Maybe I’m over thinking the situation.

Is it their oldest daughter? If not, they’ve been through it before and might be a bit more ‘meh’ about it in which case you could probably tell them about it without it being a big deal. Especially if they’ve been dating for a little while.

If it is their oldest, I probably wouldn’t say anything and maybe let them find out when they get caught at her house (or just sort figure out that they’re doing more then just holding hands). They’re 14, they’re gonna kiss.

Why would you tell her parents? What possible good could come of that? After the girl goes home, maybe talk to your son about being a little more discrete with such activities, but I think that should be the end of it.

They’re 14, kids that age kiss, and her parents don’t need to hear about it.

Don’t say anything to the parents. Kissing is perfectly normal at that age, you have no reason not to respect your son’s privacy.

As a parent, you might not want to encourage your kids to hide when the want to go and make out rather then just grabbing a quick kiss when mom and dad walk out of the room. I’m not going to get into whether or you should make a big deal or be open about it etc…but I’m just saying you might not want to make them think they need to sneak up to the bedroom while you’re occupied with cooking dinner.

Don’t make a big deal about it.

Do talk to him about condoms.

I’d find a good role model younger than yourself with whom he could spend some time. Don’t bang trailer park chicks? Yeah dad, totally what I expected you to say. You don’t want me taking a sophomore cheerleader camping alone? Yeah I know mom, I’m going to anyway. Oh wow, you’re 32 and totally uncommitted and you have a boat and a Harley? Chicks are dream killers? Awesome, I’m not dating ANYONE until I’m out of my parents’ home and have a master’s degree!

No cause for alarm. I don’t know what the breakdown is for “average age at time of first kiss,” but this is perfectly appropriate behavior for kids in their teenage years. My sister even got kissed by a Georgie Porgy wannabe when they were both in kindergarten, heh.

Ayup. It’s a great thing he’s getting smooches at that age, and you want to have that super-uncomfortable conversation with him about birth control. And there’s another conversation you should have, too, something like this:

“Dude, you’re going to want sex, because you’re a teenager. Your girlfriend may or may not want to do the things you want to do. If she does, then be safe, even if she doesn’t think it’s important, because if you’re not, you’re the one who could get diseases, or who could be a daddy before you’re ready. And if she doesn’t want to do the things you want to do, then you don’t get to pressure her, which includes begging, nagging, trying to lead her into it, or any of that.”

Dan Savage puts it a good way, actually: this shouldn’t be a conversation, it should be a monologue. You’re the one here with the knowledge, and he may not know what to ask, and it may make him want to die to hear it, but he needs to hear it anyway.

It’s a gateway drug though… the kissing, I mean. It’s probably time to have a VERY frank discussion about sex and birth control with the boy.

And consider leaving condoms somewhere that the kid can have access to them if needed, without having to ask you for them.

I’m having trouble understanding why it would even occur to you to tell anyone in the first place. You caught them kissing in the pool, not banging on the dining room table. This isn’t an emergency notification here, it’s gossip.

I vote for talking to (or at) your son about birth control, and subtly letting him know it’s kinda rude to make out when, say, other people are trying to talk to you. :slight_smile: Otherwise just be amused, and remember your own teenage years fondly.

I’m imagining the conversation with the girl’s parents over the latter activity. I could see myself trying to make some lame joke to lighten the mood saying at least there wasn’t a gag ball or gimp suit involved.:smiley:

I would hope her parents and you would already be assuming that kissing is occurring if they are calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend. No need to talk to her parents about it.

If you prefer not to see them doing what you should assume they’re doing when no parents are in the room - you could make sure to make noise so they know you’re coming. Whistle, sing, clank, or bang your way down the hall or through the door. That’s what my parents did, anyway.

My thoughts exactly.

You’re overthinking it. No need to tell her parents – save that for the bigger stuff, should it happen.

Another one suggesting say nothing.

They were 14 and barely clothed, had they not been kissing I’d suggest they were androids and with that comes a whole other raft of problems (secret executive orders, programming conflicts etc…)

By the way, if there has not been a “discussion” on safe sex by this point,
A) you are leaving it optimistically late.
B) do it now.

Let’s focus on the important issue here:

“smooch’n”? What in the world is this? Do you believe that the apostrophe is supposed to go there? If you want to spell the g-droppin’ version of “smooching”, it works like this: smoochin’. The apostrophe goes where the missing g would be.


It’d be weird if they weren’t kissing at that age.

Here ya go.