So I’m teaching my new girlfriend’s kid how to shake hands.
I emphasize that meeting the other hand confidently and assertively while pushing forward is good, in order to lock in the web-to-web contact between thumb and index finger, which in turn allows for good gripping.
I emphasize that too strong is better than too weak when it comes to the grip, but that you need to modulate the grip depending on the power dynamic. The kid is 11, so he’s following me so far.
We practice this a little, then the girlfriend comes over to demonstrate with me, and she pulls a fish-hand. You know, she sticks the hand out indecisively halfway between a normal handshake and southern belle thing. I try to rotate her hand to gripping position and she locks in the shake prematurely without web-to-web contact. Total handshake fail.
I don’t know how to rescue a fish-hand fail, so I can’t teach the kid about it, and I suspect he’s gonna have to deal with this.
I just relax my grip so I don’t feel like I’m squishing fish bones together and do my best to keep smiling and not make a face. That’s about all you can do without making a deal out of it.
I hope you promptly gave a second lesson!
If it’s a totally casual friends meeting thing, and not business, in that instance I might say something like “whoa, gotta work on that grip there, let’s try again!” But of course only in the most casual of environments and only if the other person is jovial enough to take it. Business, just judge silently and fake it.
I thought this would be about how to recover from when a handshake doesn’t fit right and I feel like a clumsy idiot. There really is no rescue from that. :o
I lick my hand before a handshake and during the handshake I do the little finger wiggle in their palm. I find it a bit more intimate and that it shows the other person that you respect them because you are bringing them into your intimate circle.
The simple answer is that if someone is going to offer a limp handshake, they’re not going to be judging you about the quality of your handshake. In that regard, I’d say the best way to rescue it is to just move on.
IMO, the handshakes worth concern are when the grip gets messed up, either because of a slight miss or a premature grasp or whatever. This always seems to be the result of the rule of maintaining eye-contact during the handshake. As such, I always look the handshake into place, then make eye-contact, minimized chance of a miss, and I still make eye-contact. Hell, even doing that, it’s surprising how many people never make eye-contact during a handshake.
My brother had to teach me how to shake hands properly. I used to do the limp fish thing and end up with my rings grinding into my fingers and my hand bones all squished. I had to practice a few times with him to get it right. Best thing you can do is try not to squeeze too hard.
Or perhaps you could bring her hand to your lips while murmuring something French and romantic, though probably not the best response in a business setting.
It’s been a while since we had some fun on the subject, but SDMB poster ZPG Zealot famously holds the position that “forcing” a woman to shaking your hand is the same as raping her:
There is no rescuing. It’s over. If you get the dead-fish-hand, you just silently think “Dude, you are the worst.” and do your best not to betray that with your face.
I learned decades ago, the handshake means absolutely nothing whatsoever.
A person should be evaluated on their merits, how they act, what their values are.
Judging someone on a handshake just demonstrates extreme shallowness.
If they don’t like my handshake F*CK them hard.
You’ll also learn it too, working on a handshake is not at all comparable to a lifetime of knowledge and experience.
Assholes can learn to shake hands too.
It takes rather more to become and remain a decent person, so don’t bother with such silly childish shortcuts, if you really need to know about a person do the hard work, talk to them, listen to them, and see if their actions match the fine words they make.
On the other hand (heh), it’s not that hard to learn to shake adequately. I’ve always wondered what happens when two dead fish people meet up. Do they just sort of have their hands meet and then pull them back?