Happy New Year and a hearty FUCK YOU to all the maintenance alcoholics out there who will crawl mewling and groaning into work on Tuesday or Wednesday. Don’t you shitheads realize that low level alcohol dependency is no excuse for making others pull your slack? Grow up already. You wanna fucking medal for the ability to do some of the stupid shit you did to grace us with that nice hangover?
The typical dehydration hangover is your body’s way of telling you to drink more. Hair of the dog. Fortunately this particular addictive side effect goes away in a few hours. Do us all a favor and give in! Call in sick Tuesday, and drink more.
To all the people who pull the weight of fucking slaggert hop heads I salute you.
And you slugs, roadkill, and whiners: crawl back into your fucking bottle. No more patience here.
And might I add that any dumb motherfucker who thinks complaining about a hangover should get you sympathy needs to learn a few things about personal responsibility. If you repeatedly bang your head against a wall, Don’t come whining to me for aspirin!
If you can’t drink, DON’T! If you do drink and have a hangover, SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT and get back to work!
I used to work at one of those internet start-ups that were so very vogue last year. Anyway, it was run by a 32-year-old guy who was really into making sure he was considered “one of the guys” by his employees (I was the only girl). I was of course never invited on their drinking -at-strip-joints binges, but Jesus, did I get tired of coming in the next day to hear about how wasted they got the night before and how in pain they were that day. Me and the few other employees who didn’t drink then got to pick up the slack for the rest of the day and either pretend sympathy or start very loud space gun fights (the kind the bleep and shoot foam discs).
Once, while working very very late on a project (like, 3am), one guy came in ostensibly to “help.” He broke a bunch of code until we changed the passwords, and then passed out under a chair. He woke up very well decorated. Heh heh.
Bah. We all drink here. I am the manager and my guys know that they can drink and stay out as late as they want but they had better be here at 8 and work like a regular day or I will have a “chat” with them. No problems. If someone does and they continually have problems, skid 'em.
These must be the same guys who used to come into my 8:00 stats class all pasty faced and sweaty. A colleague of mine once showed a birth video to her child development class early on a Monday morning. She had to call the janitor. Heh.
Oh brother! Someone must say it so: Drink responsibly. This means not going on a major bender if you have to be to work early the next day! This means knowing your limit and getting a designated driver.
Frankly, I LOVE to fuck with the hung over shit heads who show up but don’t do anything but WHINE about how hung over they are. And what kills me is that they seem to delight in telling and re-telling how they got into this horrible state; like we should all be impressed mightily by their prodigious drinking ability…
I’d be a hell of a lot more impressed if you could drink like that and still get your job done, dumb ass!
Now, pardon me, but I’ve got to go bottle up some homebrew!
