Unfortunately, this isn’t the sort of decision that the experiences of others can help with.
Pretty well everyone I know - child-free or bekidded - thinks that their decision was the correct one; indeed, many appear to actively advocate their state.
In my opinion, for what it is worth, making the decision and going through with it changes you. I know from my own experience having a kid does, I think quite strongly. I would assume that the less-immediately-impacting decision not to have them does as well.
What I would do if I were in your position would be to tote up the pros and cons for you and your S.O. of having one; then make a decision. If experience is anything to go by, any decison you make you will grow over time to believe is the correct decision.
If you like I could give you what I think is my “list”, if you want the thread to go that way.
No I would not have the child. I’ve had a few moments where I thought I might have been pregnant, so I have had a few opportunities to sit and think really hard about it. The FDA approval of RU-486 really simplified my choice.
No, I would not. I don’t think an “accident” would suddenly make me a good mother (although I do think I would make a better mother now than I would have 20 years ago) or make me want kids.
I very much think children should bewanted. I know some people who wanted kids who ended up having them a bit sooner than planned - that isn’t what I mean. If you don’t want kids, having one and dealing with the changes it forces you to make doesn’t sound like a good idea to me.
I honestly don’t know what we would do. Jim says that he would want us to abort if I got pregnant, but I don’t know if I would do that or not. I’m 110% pro-choice, but when the choice is something I’m making, I really don’t want to ever have to face this choice.
Thanks for all the responses. Hopefully we’ll never face that decision. I’m pretty sure I’d abort for some of the same reasons others have listed. But generally, when married couples talk about “accidents” it’s because now they’re pregnant or have a baby that they didn’t intend. I don’t know anyone who was married, accidentally got pregnant, and then had an abortion. Probably because people in those situations don’t talk about it. But it’s good to know that we wouldn’t be alone in choosing to have an abortion even though we are married and financially could handle it. Thanks.
If it weren’t for my father-in-law, I might consider carrying the pregnancy to term and then adopting out the baby, although I fear the combination of the genetic histories of my husband and I: heart arrhythmia and heart attacks, high cholesterol, strokes, arthritis, alcoholism, depression, seasonal affective disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder. However, my father-in-law had been insistent for years that his only son produce a child - with the unspoken emphasis on a son to “carry on the family name” (even though his own brother had a few sons who’ve gone on to have sons) - and I probably quite literally would never have a moment’s peace until the day he died if I gave up “his grandchild.”
Besides the health benefits I get from being on oral contraceptives, I also use them for birth control, and have done so for many years. If I’m on antibiotics, we use condoms as well until the next cycle. We are very diligent about avoiding this issue before it comes up, to the best of our ability.
