Okay, so I got into a debate (argument?) last weekend with my girlfriend about certain aspects of pyschology. This probably wasn’t a good idea on my part, since she’s getting her PhD in educational pyschology and her mother is a clinical pyschologist. Anyway, she spent a fair amount of time trying to convince me of the following tidbit:
On a scale of happiness (or whatever you have), the happiest people descending to the unhappiest are:
Married men
Single women
Single men
Married women
Now, I have a hard time believing this. If this is really the case, why would any woman want to get married, and why would any man be afraid of committment? Can it really be true that men are just happier in general than women?
I know it’s a bit of a stereotype to say that women want to get married and men don’t, but is it any worse than what was just listed? How can pyschologists make a blanket statement and with the wave of a hand have all people so neatly categorized? I, myself, have never seen anything to really make me think that this might be true (anyone else want to weigh in?).
My point for debate: Pyschology is bunk. It is an academic practice invented by insecure people to classify that which is otherwise unclassifiable, namely humanity, thereby making it a known quantity and thus safe. (See, I can use pop pyschology too…) It is unreliable and unwieldy, and causes more problems than it solves.
Before this gets wisked away to GD, I wanted to say that I disagree with you. In one of the other threads here, cutting yourself (sorry I don’t know how to link), I mentioned that I used to cut myself as a result of survivor’s guilt. My behavior was puzzling and upsetting to everyone involved, since no one, including myself, knew exactly why I was doing it.
When my (now-ex)fiance and my parents finally convinced me to get help, I saw a psychiatrist who helped me come to grips with my situation. I no longer cut myself and am in general happier with my life and who I am.
I don’t think that you can really generalize happiness, actually…I mean I know blissfully happy single guys, and perfectly content married women, as well as distressed married men.
I’ve had discussions about that fact many times specifically why married men are happier that single men. My personal feeling is that its a chicken-or-egg thing. Rather than making the conclusion that marriage effects men’s happiness, it seems more likely that natural level of happiness affects a guys chances of being married. If a guy has a tendency to be depressed than he will be less eager at his job(fewer promotions and raise- therefore less income), less likely to take good care of himself, more likely to drink too much, and much less outgoing and social. All of those factors would make getting married less likely. So guys inclined to be unhappy would be less likely to be married and vice-versa.
I know I’m gonna be ripped apart for what I’m about to say but I kind of agree with this. This is only my opinion though, I’m sure a lot of you will disagree with me…
Married men are happy because they now have someone to take care of them and they don’t have to do so much for themselves. I don’t mean this as a put down to men, I’m just speaking from personal experience and personal observations of other married couples I know.
I think single women are happier than married women because they have the freedom to date lots of men and be pampered and romanced a lot more than they will be if they get married. It’s a great feeling to be single and independent and know that you don’t have to rely on someone else to take care of you. I’m single again and have never been happier.
Single men are less happy than married men because they don’t have someone around all the time to take care of them. They may have more freedom to go out and party and do what they want whenever they want but they lack the companianship that the married man has. The married man doesn’t have to impress and romance anyone in order to get some pussy. He’s married now, all he has to do is ask for it. The single man has to get cleaned up and go out and spend some money and usually has to put on some kind of act before he’ll get laid.
The married woman is less happy than the single woman because the man no longer romances her (or doesn’t romance her as much), he doesn’t do the little things that matter, ie: flowers for no reason, romantic dinners, compliments, etc., etc. She has taken on a lot more responsibility because she now has to take care of herself, her husband, and any children they might have, plus work (possibly), take care of the house, go to the kids school functions and extracurricular activities, remind the husband to mow the yard and take the car in to be serviced, etc., etc.
I also think that men are scared of committments because they’ve been taught to think that way their whole life. It’s not so much the fact that they think that if they get married they lose the freedom to do what they want and now they have to listen to someone else’s opinion about their life. They’ve just always seen married men, no matter how happy they are, put down their marriage in front of their friends because they don’t want to be thought of as pussy-whipped. It’s all a tough guy act.
As for women… we’re taught at a young age that being married is everything. (What a crock of shit.) Every little girl dreams about her wedding day and is planning it for years before it happens. Our mother’s teach us that we need to be married and have a family because it’s expected of us and will “fulfill” us. It’s o.k. for a man to be 40 years old and never married but if you see a 40 year old woman that’s never been married… people automatically assume there’s something wrong with her. She’s either too career drivin or she’s a lesbian or she’s just a bitch.
This is just my opinion and I’m sure I’m gonna get ripped for it. I know that there are lots of married women who are perfectly happy and their husbands still romance them and helps them out around the house, and there are married men who are genuinely happy to be married and they appreciate their wives and families and have the perfect relationship. I’m just saying it’s a rarity.