Happy Cranks-giving! (November mini-rants)

The BBQ Pit
141

A couple of months ago Comsucktastic decided to move me to paperless billing…& send emails to {not my email address}


Sat I ran in shorts. Yestidy, I ran in tights, multiple tops, gloves, & a hat; it was snurrying during the beginning of my run. Also, winds were in the teens with gusts in the 20's; there *were* a lot of leaves still on the trees in the morning but there were points I had trouble telling where the trail went as *everything* was covered by a fresh blanket of leaves.

ICE, ICE, ICE! How 'bout you turn some attention to the northern border as I’m pretty sure that Clipper didn’t enter legally.

142

This would have been a lot easier to parse if written “Sat. I ran in shorts.” (Or even “Sat., I….”)

Maybe I’m just dumb, but I was trying to figure out how you ran in a sitting position.

143

One of the reasons it’s smart for even middle class people to set up a trust to manage aging parents’ assets while they’re still fully capable of managing their own affairs is that the “official” legal alternative of POAs has been pretty well rendered useless by rampant scamistry and elder abuse.

144

This was actually part of the issue: Mom had done both of these things in the US, but we needed to get her a a Canadian bank account, and the rules are different.

The bank was spectacularly awful: we did a new, Canadian POA (trusts aren’t the same here, so that wasn’t an option). That STILL didn’t help. Took me 7 months to resolve!

145

I don’t know if “useless” is quite the right word, but the cautionary notes here are worth keeping in mind. We (my older brother and I) had a POA for our elderly mother, though I don’t remember that we really ever had to use it for much of anything. The main document of importance was her will, which was executed without problems.

On a different topic, I have received an email confirmation for my appointment later this month to have new windows installed. The only problem is, I don’t need new windows and never made an appointment. I didn’t respond to it in case it was some type of scam. I presume the person expecting new windows, if any, already knows about the appointment or will follow up with the company. I just wish to be left in peace.

146

So after almost 16 years, the ‘leather’ on the driver’s side seat in my Jeep has worn out. No problem, I’ll order seat covers! The options were “driver lumbar” and “lumbar” (referring to the little lumbar-adjusting lever that pokes out of the side of the seat). I thought I was just ordering a single seat cover, which was fine with me…I could assess the quality before outfitting the rest of the vehicle. So I ordered “driver lumbar,” and waited.

The package arrived today! Apparently I ordered two seat covers, which was actually a really great deal for the price, but only one of the seat covers has a cutout for the lumbar lever. :confused: At least it’s the cover for the passenger seat; guess I’ll give the company a call tomorrow to find out if the other cover can be modified.

147

Oh believe me, I know. I spent a dozen years at a credit union and I saw all sorts of attempted POA fraud. I handled the death claims and I always said I could deal with the grieving families; it was the greedy families who pissed me off.

And my uncle used his POA to help himself to my grandma’s bank accounts. But that’s a whole ‘nother rant.

148

Here’s a sorta-rant that just hit me. I’ve posted it in another thread as a cautionary tale for newbie retirees.

149

I went out on some errands this morning and on my way back I decided that I wanted a Taylor Ham (or porkroll) with cheese. the problem is that local stores/shops are always trying to out do each other for making the biggest/bestest sandwich. With costs going up by the pound, I wondered where I could go to buy a really small one.

It was then that I remembered that my drive would bring me past a store that I had never been to or even seen before. It was a 7-11.

I pulled in, parked confidently, and strode into the store. Against the back wall, in the semi refrigerated section, were small sandwiches… each about the size of a White Castle slider. checking the labels, I found one that was labelled “Taylor Ham and cheese”. Above the entire row was a sign which read, “Ask employee how to re-heat these items”.

I grabbed the sandwich, walked to the cash register and asked the worker there how to reheat it. “Thirty seconds on the microwave. Four dollars.” I pondered paying $4 for food the size of a slider, but it fit the bill and… well… I’d asked for it.

“May I have a bag please?”
“That’s 50 cents more, she laughed.”
“Ok, no bag. Receipt? Thanks.”

I walked back to my car with my purchase and the clerk cackling behind me; cackling like I’d just stolen a Sankara stone and would be cursed by it.

The traffic was rude but light which was fairly standard for NJ and soon I was home. I carefully toted the purchases from my other errands into the house, saving the sandwich for last. I knew that the directions were to nuke it fo 30 seconds but just to be safe ( and because power levels vary) I nuked it for a minute and a half. I placed it on my plate, put some ketchup on the side. I carefully removed the microwave safe wrapping. It looked small, but almost perfect. Almost too perfect: 1/3 of a slice of cheese melted against the top, 1/3 of a single beaten egg cooked against the bottom, and one round slice of meat.

I reassembled the sandwich and took a bite. it wasn’t as I’d remembered it; not at all. I took a second bite and stopped. The meat… the meat seemed all wrong. It was warm, but it seemed steamed, not cooked. It had little to no rigidity… and in fact it flopped like … bologna..?

Bologna ? Ewwww…! I Hate Bologna! I toyed with going back to the store… but for what? $4…? A chance to be filmed and posted on Reddit? I put down the rest of the sandwich and drank some coffee. I had been scammed and there were nothing I could do about it. I lifted the bread one more time and then, to my horror I noticed them. There were triangular cuts in the sides of the slice of meat.

“That’s No Bologna…!”
That Was Taylor Ham. It was totally raw and uncooked.

Quickly I stood and turned around, trying to get to the downstairs commode in time… but it was too late. I could already feel the rumbling in my stomach. I yanked down my pants as quickly as I could and I sat on the bowl of shame seconds before a painful river destroyed everything before its path.

I prayed. I cursed. I did stomach crunches. But Ole Man River? It just seemed to keep flowing along.

Still, after about ten minutes… it did stop.

I ached. I felt weak, but lighter. I cleaned myself up, scared to look around.
I knew I had to look though. And there I found “No, Not Snakes…! Anything but Snakes !” and I flushed it away quickly.

I spent the morning scrubbing and flushing that commode… five complete times. I emptied 1 1/2 cans of Febreeze in there… like Tom Hanks with a tommy gun. I closed to door to let the biologicals and the chemicals fight it out like a UFC match on The White House lawn.

I came here today… wondering what I would write about… and I guess I have. I have shared with you a lesson which I have learned… and a warning.

Should you, in your travels, find yourself at a 7-11… one that didn’t used to be there… and should the store clerk stare and cackle at you like a village elder from a Spielberg movie… do yourself a favor. Take the advice of that late great actress Teri Garr.

“Put. The Sandwich. Back!”

150

Your extreme excellence as a storyteller is exceeded only by the extreme weakness of your intestinal constitution.

151

I ordered a new cell phone from MotorOil. It has been sitting in their warehouse labeled for a week. I called yesterday and it took 10 minutes through their phone tree and via tech support to get to customer service. I was assured it would be shipped. It hasn’t. Today I called and many profuse apologies and assurance that I would have an email by 9:30am MST. No email.
What is stupid is I could have just gone to Best Buy and have the exact same phone for the same price 10 days ago.

I wonder if they would refund my money if I cancel the order and drive to Best Buy.

152

Good bet they don’t actually have it in stock and can’t readily get it.

Cancel ASAP.

153

I’m not sure but I do know that customer service will put me on hold for 10 minutes and come back to say they can’t get a hold of anyone in the warehouse. There are companies that only send stuff out the door once or twice a week due to low shipping volume. I highly doubt MotorOil is one of those.

154

… and, indeed, won’t be there should you try to find it again.

“Golly, mister, there’s never been a store here. Waaall, not since Ol’ Oddy’s Raw Barn. He poisoned half the town with his sammiches, and they say you can still hear his cackle on the wind, the thirteenth of each November…”

155

My wife’s grandmother (who is turning 91 soon) is very clearly suffering from dementia, but refuses to accept it. Which isn’t that unusual, but she has always been hyper-critical of others, very unpleasant, and would swear her own farts never stink. So it’s especially inconceivable that there could possibly be anything wrong with her mind.

She finally got an official diagnosis from a doctor, who of course had no idea what he was talking about despite all of the evidence from tests. And she insisted her memory is perfectly fine, and she is still as sharp as a tack.

In response, my mother-in-law (her daughter-in-law) asked her, okay, do you remember what we did last week? Simple question.

She answered, nothing. It was extremely boring, and the entire week was awful, how she never gets to do anything.

My father-in-law, her son, sighed and reminded her that we spent the week in Disneyland.

156

Whoa. What was her response?

157

She accused them of trying to trick her.

What was sad was that she had a really good time for the most part.

158

Go to Best Buy. I used to order my phones from MotorOil, but now just get them at BB. There I can get the phone, a case, and a screen protector all at once. And the best part is that they will put the screen protector on the phone for free, and they will do a better job at it than you ever will. It’s definitely one of those things where practice makes perfect.

159

I read the book “Nicholas and Alexandra” and there was a story about the on staff doctor that served in the palace. He also ended up dying with the family. Apparently he wore heavy after shave or cologne and the children would track him from room to room by his scent.

160

Thank you…!