Damn it. I wrote messages to 2 Facebook friends, and it says they’ve both “seen” those messages, but haven’t replied to them. arrrrgh
He likes his bandage, says that he has a beard like daddy.
My wife was fine today, so I guess it wasn’t my fault after all.
Tell me about it! I’ve spend the last several days trying to get the ceilings in our new house to look good. It’s concrete ceilings and they did a piss-poor job of finishing the concrete, which is typical for Taiwan. Had I known, I would have had the contractors not paint the house. Grrrr.
This is how it was in our rental, I had to replace a few face plates and then repaint around them because whoever painted before we moved in did such a piss poor job. They also left the hardware for the blinds and painted around them, and then just did a poor job in general.
I made sure I painted the living room well. Took me a lot longer and still needs a touch up in a couple of spots where the sage green or brown is poking through the vanilla cream but damn if I was going to have my house as bad as the rental looked.
Oh, you think so? Here’s what’s going to happen. Years from now, you will be having a disagreement regarding the correct approach to parenting. Your argument is sound and reasonable, based on facts and the correct interpretation of those facts, lined up in taut regiments of proven truth. You calmly await acquiescence.
“Oh, so this from a man who thinks mutilating his children is OK?!”
Your right flank collapses in panic, running amok through your center, your left flank wanders aimlessly in confusion and disarray.
Its probably not true that they never forget anything. But its the only safe assumption.
She’s a 3 1/2-year-old black Lab who doesn’t know enough to come in from the cold and has a phobia about climbing steps, so we haven’t been able to let her out in the back yard to do her thing with any expectation of getting her back indoors, and instead have to lead her on a leash (it gets old during mid-winter). Besides, all our other dogs mastered this ability in early puppyhood).
Just now I went out with her to play with the giant Ball (which she likes to push around in the snow with her nose). Instead, she got fascinated yet again with harvesting frozen rotten apples under the snow. Then, after a half hour or so when she decided it might be a good idea not to freeze to death and as a bonus get at the milk-bones I was tempting her with, she couldn’t bring herself to climb two lousy freaking steps to the door. Much wandering back and forth and whining later, she finally made the Big Scary Leap onto the stoop and came in.
I would hope this is the start of the new era, but she is so frigging dumb that I expect she will never summon the intelligence and courage to routinely come in from the cold until she’s ten, by which time arthritis will probably keep her from being able to get up the two steps.
She is a moron.
My neighbours shoved a note under my door yesterday saying “You are TOO LOUD! You sound like ELEPHANTS! Stomping at 1:00 in the morning is TOO MUCH!”
My husband is in the military and the night before the note we were getting ready to ship him overseas for a tasking. Truly, we were trying to be as quiet as we can, but if you know of a way to levitate a rucksack and barrack box I’d really like to know about it. Trust me, we did not choose to give him a 2am report time, we were being as quiet as we could, but thanks for making a hard time much much easier!
And I don’t know who they are complaining about in the “Stop shrieking during sex! You’re TOO LOUD!” because suffice it to say, it’s neither one of us.
I think you ought to shove a note under their door that explains that your husband had to report at 2 a.m. to PROTECT THEIR COUNTRY and you are SORRY to have been STOMPING. As for the sex, WTF? Anyway sorry you had to put up with this on top of everything else.
Whatever kind of bug I am sick with can go fuck itself right off. I missed the last three days of work because of it. I’m tired. I’m coughing. I can’t talk. I have no energy. And I did get at flu shot. And it doesn’t feel like the flu, anyway. Blecch. 
At least my head isn’t stopped up, so there’s that.
I’ve had this same thing for almost two weeks. Plus, I had it for a week before xmas. And I too had a flu shot. Why are we being punished??
That’s just jealousy. They’re not getting any.
You’re making me twitch here!
Kilz primer is the way to go when making a big colour change. It’s good for reducing “old house mustiness,” too. 
Handicapped ramp for your dog?
I think you’re living over top of Mr. Heckles! (Sorry about the additional hassle.)
If it was Mr. Heckles I would at least one day have the enjoyment of sacking their apartment for hilarious treasures. I wish.
Be sure to wear a coat! 
If you have snot in your finger(s) please see a doctor.
I think I love you.
You may want to see a doctor about that.
( )
Did you ask a specific question, or otherwise invite a direct response? I’ll read, but not necessarily reply, to general “I did {thing} today” type of messages.
Now I kinda picture you living inside a cupcake.
[QUOTE=apollonia;]
…And I don’t know who they are complaining about in the “Stop shrieking during sex! You’re TOO LOUD!” because suffice it to say, it’s neither one of us.
[/QUOTE]
(Sorry I’m on a tablet and effed up the quote tags on that one …)
My thanks to your husband.
Also, I suggest finding the most obnoxious porn soundtrack your browser settings can handle, and then playing it on a loop. Like a 12-hour loop. Casually mention how tired you are next time you see these people.
Helpful suggestion of the day!
Well, one was just “I sent you a music arrangement and I hope you like it,” and I was hoping for feedback on it, but nothing so far. Oh well. The other message was to someone else asking when a certain deadline was, and I actually finally did hear back from that person, so that was good.
The first person was so completely blown away that s/he has yet to recover mentally from your musical genius sufficiently to compose a coherent reply.
I have discovered and am admitting to a total incompetency on my part: knots. I really want to find someone with an “I’m good at tying!” sign around their shoulders and hand them a fistful of necklaces I’ve made, and the earrings I made last night while waiting for the beans to boil** and just say, “Here, please fix!” Otherwise lovely jewelry (well, I think so) marred by knots that are shameful in their childishness.
** this sounds like one helluva euphemism 
Hahaha, I wish.
pantry moths
fuck
indestructible fucking pantry moths. Just when I think I have the evil little bastards beaten they reappear.
fuck fuck fuck fuck
Cracks up. I’m totally good with suspending my disbelief. Zombies attacking? Oh yeah, bring them on! Vampires walking in the daylight…OK, its just a book, so I’ll go with it. Revolvers spewing brass all over the place!!! That’s email time!!! An author who lives in Arizona (so should have known better) was writing about a murder in Maricopa County and the investigation was delayed because all of the autopsy material was in Yavapai County? Yeah, that got an email as well.
Those sort of little things bring me out of my suspension of disbelief.
I’m so sorry for laughing at your post. I used to have a dumb as rocks cat. He could go out the kitty door into their outside room because it was a straight shot. Coming in required stepping up before running head first into the door. He finally figured it out about 6 months before he died of old age.
I’ll do it for you. I’m so good at knots that I can tat in a house full of cats. I have a friend who ask me to do the French knots in her embroidering because I know how to make them all neat, the same size and pointing in the same direction.
Now, I am totally not creative, so while my knots are all pretty and stuff…it takes someone like you to create something beautiful for me to knot.
“Right over left and then left over right makes a knot easy and pretty and tight.”
Eucalyptus balls is what you need. Pull everything out of the pantry and wipe down the shelves, put all dry goods into tupperware or ziplocks, then toss a few eucalyptus balls in the back of each cupboard. They won’t come back, I promise.
ETA: you can find them in the laundry aisle at your favorite sundries store.
We tried this with our previous Lab when she got creaky in her old age. She couldn’t be coaxed to go up it, so I doubt that Ms. Psycho-Loon would be willing to make the attempt either.
The happy news is that Mrs. J. succeeded this afternoon in coaxing her up the two backyard steps with milk bones, so maybe we’re on a roll. I’d try it again tonight, but it’d probably be too scary in the dark. I might not be able to find a black dog out there, and tomorrow we’d find her frozen into a grotesque posture in the snow like Jack Nicholson in The Shining.