On Barnes & Noble, this “customer review” of Harry Potter 5.
The hype is already unbearable, and will only become more painful as the publication date approaches, but do B&N really have to open up a reviews section six months in advance?
What are they anticipating, prophets? Psychics?
Yes, of course they are. Don’t you know that Harry Potter teaches Real Magic? All true fans of the series have already read all the forthcoming books by Evil Satanic Divination Spells.
The reviewers you quote obviously haven’t been keeping up to speed with their Wicked Necromancy lessons. Thank you for drawing this to our attention. We here at the International Satanic Conspiracy (Inc.) will be sending demons to eat their faces shortly. (It motivates the other students, don’t y’know.)
That’s hysterical!
What’s up with the enormous lead time anyway? I detect the cold dead hand of marketroids at work…
The official explanation is that a) Rowling is pregnant and therefore has other things on her mind, and b) book 5 checks in at around a thousand pages.
The real explanation, of course, is that the books can only come out when the Stars Are Right …
It’s also worth noting that going by the above, the books have evidently done nothing to improve basic literacy.
Not forgetting their true hidden agenda of spreading Satanism and unnatural practises to a whole generation of young people.
Time for more book burning!!!
…sets fire to a huge pile of HP5 tomes, six months before said tomes are actually available to burn…
Besides it takes time to come up with all those Huffle-Rumple Lickle-Dickle names.
Amazon does that too and it really pisses me off. The fucked up thing about is that a bunch of people will come in and give the item 5 stars saying they know it will be great…etc. Then a bunch of other shmucks will come in and give it one star saying “It’s not fair to give it 5 stars until it comes out! I’m giving it one star to balance things out!” Well whoopdy-fucking-do shithead, isn’t giving it one star before reading it just as bad as giving it 5 stars before reading it? I just wish they would keep reviews (or at least stars) locked until the product is shipped.
And of course 1 1-star does not balance out 1 5-star. It simply forces the book towards a 3-star rating that is then very difficult to get away from.
Consider the following ratings:
10 x 5-star
10 x 1-star
then it comes out and is fantastic - 12 people give it a 5-star.
The rating will be (10 x 5 + 10 x 1 + 12 x 5) / 30 = 4-star
So even though when it came out it was every bit as good as anticipated, it only has a 4-star rating!
If this were to happen with every book, it would pretty much make it impossible for any of them to get anything other than a range within about 2 to 4, thus rendering the whole system pointless.
pan
Observe the glory of mathematics!
My point exactly.
It blows my mind why they would bother to have a reviews system and then allow people to review items that haven’t even been released yet.
Because with Harry Potter, it just doesn’t matter. It’s all about the hype anyway. The sixth book could be 1500 pages of “all work and no play makes Harry a dull boy,” and it would still get four stars and a movie out of it anyway.
I see Jack’s been keeping up with his Satanic Divination courses. Well done.
(As we all know, the Seventh Book of Harry Potter will contain no actual text at all, since the Dark Angel Borastreon will arise to consume the world as soon as it hits the shelves. What? You thought we were just Satanically Conspiring with no aim in view?)
IMO, reviews from people who can’t read may as well take place before publication. What’s the dif?
Well… because…like… you know!
Ugh another Book? Looks like it’s time to go live in my underground bunker for a year or so.
Um, Istara, I don’t think those are actual reviews of Book 5. It’s not being released until next June, and I doubt whether the publisher would have released advanced copies to three 10-year-olds in order for them to write burbling reviews for B & N. Those are just reviews for the other books, I think, that B & N has copy and pasted for the benefit of those few B & N customers who have been living at the bottom of a mine shaft and who don’t know yet that Harry Potter is “just plain neato”.
I actually didn’t start reading the books until sometime last year after I’d seen the first movie because I thought that HP was like Pokemon, a silly kids craze that would soon be over. But…being the sci-fi/fantasy fan that I am,CG talked me into going to see the movie just for the heck of it. We were the ONLY adults there without kids, which made us look wierd. But I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and subsequently have read all four of the books that are currently out. I enjoy the books because they are entertaining and I think J.K. Rowling knows what she is doing. Not only as a writer but as a p.r. person. She is purposely withholding the book to stir up interest, which there will be as soon as it is released. I think that the HP book are brilliant and I heartily agree with * anything* that gets kids to read. I think you can beat down HP all ya want but there are those of us out there who will come back with snappy retorts and the like because we love HP.
Long Live Harry!
IDBB
No DDG, I don’t think that’s what’s going on. I agree that the publisher has not released advance copies to three 10 year olds. I think that B&N has enabled the “write a review!” section of the book webpage on their site even though the book is not out yet. Three ten year olds have clicked on the link and written something and pressed “submit,” even though the book isn’t out yet, and that they haven’t read it.
The first “review” says "The other 4 books were so great!! " and “I gotta get the other book!” - ie “I can’t wait til book 5 comes out”
The second “review” says "I’m sure I can speak for most of the world when I say, ‘Hurry Up and finish the book, we’re waiting!!!’ " -ie “I can’t wait til book 5 comes out”
The third “review” already quoted by istara is the goofy one which says " i loved it soooooo much! it was just plain neato! but as i havent actualy read it yet, i dont truly know" - ie “It’s great except I actually haven’t read it because it’s not out yet, oops”
Maybe I am naive, but am I the only one who thinks the review posted in the OP is actually meant as a joke?
It would be comforting to think that, but it probably isn’t so … there appears to be no limit to the dimwittedness of amateur book reviewers on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.