Has anybody ever tried to convert you to their religion?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Manny over the years.

My organic chem TA for a sememster used to invite me over to his apartment for discussions. He was a Commie. We’d drink tea and he’d attempt to explain to me how, by letting other guys drive my taxicab, I was stealing their labor. He never did make much sense.

Jehovah’s Witnesses are the ones who actually come to your house, but they’re usually easily dealt with.

I did run into the Children of God (a '60s-'70s cult) one night when I was about 17. A friend and I had just pulled up to the Catacombs ('60s rock club in Houston) and as I exited the car a pretty gal came up and said, “I love you!” And she hugged me while simultaneously spiriting away my car keys. She hugged me on into their magic bus and then spent a couple of hours failing to hear anything I said. When I’d had enough it took a full threat of violent apocalypse to regain my car keys and my friend and exit the bus.

And of course, going to UT in the '70s we had the ever-present Scientologists working the Drag.

22

I also had a family member try to convert me.

It started when I was in 4th grade and my aunt signed my brother and I up for a week at her church’s summer camp. I don’t remember too much, but my dad says it took about 2 weeks just to deprogram the two of us.

Then, when I was 14, I was at my aunt’s house for a family function… her grandson’s “dedication” I believe… and she asked me if I would like to hang around for a concert that was going on at her church that evening. I said sure.

NOTE Her church is Evangelical Menonite and very similar to many fundamentalist christian branches.

I go to this concert and before it starts, the church youth leader starts telling about the church’s missionary work in guatemala and how all the people there were “Idol worshipers and Catholics”. Me being Catholic, I really took offense to that statement, but I didn’t say anything because I was too naive at the time. I did tell my parents a few days later and suprisingly, my aunt never did that kind of crap again to us.

23

Yeah, and in a somewhat…uncool way.

My family had just moved into the city where we still reside. A friend of mine mentioned the youth group that he goes to and that I should come along. The activities included stuff like floor hockey and goofing around, so I thought I’d check it out. Who doesn’t like to goof?
Well, it was fun and there were a lot of cool people there. After a couple of times, though, I was asked to talk with the minister. He gave me a card and a pamphlet and said how my family should start going to the church.
Wow, did that ever make me feel uncomfortable. I basically felt like they had invited me for the purpose of getting me to join their church. Also, my family is Catcholic (though I am no longer Catholic, but of my own choice) and this church was not. My friend is still one of my best friends, and I don’t think he knew about that, but it sure didn’t make me want to come back to the youth group. I felt like if I didn’t join the church (and I wasn’t going to) then I wouldn’t be as welcome.

24

[minor hijack]

Uh… hmmm… That’s a very blanket statement. Just as all christians are not the same, all atheists are not the same:
There are christians who believe in God and try to tell everyone about it and convert everyone. There are those who believe and go to church, but it’s a private thing. Some people believe because they’ve always believed but it’s not anything really big in their lives, just something that is.
There are atheists like Madeline Murray O’Hara who firmly believed in the non-existence of any type of god and actively attempted to convert others and spread her belief everywhere. Then there others who’ve rejected the churches for various reasons, etc.
Then there are people like me. I grew up with out any religious influence. The idea of actually believing in God was not really introduced to me until I was 7 or 8. I had a children’s bible, but it was just stories to me. I’ve just never believed in any higher being, but I do NOT, repeat, do NOT go around telling everyone that, or trying to convince Jews or Hindus or Zoroastrians that their respectives gods did not exist the way fundies try to convince these people that they’re worshiping the wrong god.

25

I’ve had the usual recruiting efforts from friends and acquaintences that suddenly got religion. It never worked, and I’m pretty much agnostic at this point. None of my stories are as good as the ones here, so I’ll just hijack enough to point out these two websites:

http://web.mit.edu/cthulhu/www/index.html is the Campus Crusade for Cthulu at MIT, which is a wonderful and wacky idea, I think. The other site is http://web.mit.edu/rlslp/finances/accounts.html, which lists student groups with MIT accounts. If you search for cthulu there, you find them right next to the Campus Crusade for Christ. Is this accidental? Heh… I think not…

26

I was raised in a weak way in the Church of the Whore(Catholicism, I am still a non practicing Catholic). When I was a kid (6-8 years), one of my mom’s coworkers, being a Jehova Witness, gave me as gifts religious books, and sometimes gave me their magazine to read. Being open-minded, I read the books, and the articles in the magazine (some of them were good). It did not do much to convert me, as I just read it, and nothing else. At my high school, I once went with some friends to a Christian concert. There was a cult before the concert (pentecostal), and while they were talking, and singing, I was quietly worshipping the Catholic way(what I remembered). Not many people has tried to convert me…I wonder if they do not see me worthy of Jesus “salvation”. Oh, yea, I forgot…there is the religious channel, and sometimes I see it just for fun. There is this program, which calls Catholicism the “Church of the Whore”…and then they ask why they are not well liked by Catholics.

27

I grew up near Fort Worth, Texas. Around there, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting someone who wants to convert you. (Which wouldn’t be a bad idea…)

28

I have a friend who is the daughter of a Baptist minister. Not being from 'round here, and therefore never having been to a genuine really conservative (they even had an altar call!) Baptist church I accepted her invitation to a Sunday service a few weeks ago. I even went to her Sunday School class with her. I had gone into this knowing that there was no way in heck I was going to get sucked in; I’m far too skeptical.

It was an interesting experience. I went to lunch with her and her mom and during grace her mother prayed for Jesus to show me what he wants to do for me, or something like that. Oddly, ever since, every time I start thinking, “Hmm…what if…” about anything but the most liberal Christianity, I get this sort of “warning” feeling, like “You better not even GO there.” I think my friend’s mother’s prayer might have been heard…but I don’t think the answer was what she intended! :slight_smile:

Anyway, hell is where the fun people are.

29

Palmyra, what you’re telling me is that you aren’t really an athiest. I’m sorry, but true athiesm is dogma. You are an agnostic, someone who is not a part of any religion, and has no interest in being, but I bet you don’t insist that no matter what there is not possibly a god.

I don’t think there is, but I could no more prove it than the fundies could prove there is. You ever read Aldus Huxley? I bet you would find something in his writings. Agnosticism boils down to “listen to everything, and keep that which is good.” Atheism is listen to whatever, as long as it doesn’t include the statement that there is a higher power.

MarxBoy

30

Two good stories of attempted recruitment:

  1. A family of Pentacostal nutjobs are preaching near the library on campus during finals week. They’re calling everyone whores, fornicators, screaming that we’re going to Hell, etc. They have a fairly large audience, although most look like they are there for the entertainment value. I decide to challenge them on some key points. I get Brother Jeb to read 1 Sam. 15:1-3 to the audience:

(Samuel also said unto Saul, The LORD sent me to anoint thee [to be] king over his people, over Israel: now therefore hearken thou unto the voice of the words of the LORD. Thus saith the LORD of hosts, I remember [that] which Amalek did to Israel, how he laid [wait] for him in the way, when he came up from Egypt. Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.)… for those of you who don’t have your Bibles memorized.

He admits that God orders mass murder. I ask him if he were an Israelite during that time would he have killed children along with Saul’s soldiers. He admits that he would have. He is utterly unshaken in his convictions, but several audience members get disgusted and walk off. I consider it a moral victory.

  1. A couple of Jehovah’s Witnesses come to my door Saturday morning. Fortunately, they came around 10, or else I would have still been asleep. I talk to them and tell them politely that I do not accept the Bible as the word of God. They ask why, probably expecting some lame, unthought-out answer. I give them two reasons. First, I say, the story of Paul’s escape from prison in Acts 16 looks like it is a piece of fiction borrowed from Euripedes’ play The Bacchae. Secondly, the story of Eutychus in Acts 20 looks like it was “inspired” by the story of Elpenor in Homer’s Odyssey. They look at me like they’ve seen a ghost. One comments that it sounds like I’ve done some research into the Bible. We swap e-mail addresses and he promises to write me with regard to my specific “questions” about the Bible. He never does.
31

My conversion attempts always had a humorous side to them and normally included drugs in some fashion.

Not counting my mother sending my to Sunday Mass and CCD on Thursday afternoons followed by Christian summer camp etc., the first real attempt to save my soul was 9th grade.

A friend and I had cut school and were hanging out upstairs in his sisters room (she had the good stereo, the good tunes, and the good stash) when someone knocked on his front door. We leaned out the window to find 3 Mormons with a box of Dunkin’ Donuts. Words were exchanged and at some point they figured that the best way to convert us would be to throw jelly doughnuts at us. It just got worse from there.

Another time my regular dealer became a born again Christian overnight (but still sold pot). It was always funny to slip him cash, be slipped a baggie, and then hold a conversation on the benefits of accepting JC as your personal savior.

The absolute best was a guy I met through common friends. He was very vocal about his future career as a preacher. Never went into specifics, just that he was going to be a preacher. He’d supposedly gone on missions to Europe and the like and loved telling stories about all those he’d converted. The kicker is, every single time I’d run into him, he was tripping on acid. Led to some interesting conversations between him and my circle of AD&D players. Something about a pupils-dilated, hair-all-askew, bearded man preaching about JC that was just creepy. Last I’d heard, he’d gone on to become a computer programmer.

32

Actually, I do not believe in any higher power. That makes me atheist. You seem to be saying that any firm belief of either side of the argument is a dogmatic one. Both sides are based completely on belief and not proof. I know that it is impossible to know either way, but I don’t believe there are any higher beings. I’ve never needed to believe in God, so I don’t. If I don’t believe in God, or any other higher being, I am atheist by default because I don’t believe in the possibility of higher beings. I agree with many different points of many different religions, except about the part of a Creator over-lord being. Being agnostic is accepting the possibility that there might be a higher being but not being sure either way.

My point was that if you say I am dogmatic, then you must also call the person who does believe in God but that belief doesn’t enter into daily life much a dogmatic person. And I feel that’s an extreme thing to do. Especially when you campare me with fundamentalists. Madeline Murray O’Hara was a fundamentalist atheist. I am not. BIG difference between me and her.

33

One more thing… Any firm belief is technically dogmatic. That’s why I try to have as few “beliefs” as possible. 97% of the rest of my opinions are based on experiences and facts and some other kind of proof. The only “belief” I have, other than color preferences, which are completley subjective, is about the possible existence of a higher being. I believe “No.”

34

Indeed, some of my best friends are devout members of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints, and I’ve had manny, manny discussions with them about their and my religious beliefs. An important element of their religion is “spreading the word,” and everyone, not just those nicely dressed young missionaries, is expected to do their part.

Knowing them well, I see the deep satisfaction that they get from their church and religious practices. I can also see how much of what their church teaches can lead to a healthy, happy, productive life if you are willing and able to subscribe to it. Having met through them a great number of practicing Mormons, I am continually amazed at the number of warm, genuine, caring people involved in their church. The strength of the bonds of mutual support among those in the LDS community is staggering.

That all being said, I always find it interesting, touching, and somewhat humorous when they try to explain why their practices and beliefs could help me. They speak out of true concern, but they do not realize that there is simply no way I could even begin to swallow their theology. (I think that mainstream Christian theology is pretty darn wacky, and when you graft the Book of Mormon and the other LDS scriptures onto that, you get deeply into bizzaro land.)

I have had many wonderful conversations with them about religious matters, and they have really helped me shape the things in which believe and, more important, do not believe. I think that I have also helped them understand some beliefs that are significantly different than their own.

The major problem with this all, however, is that all of the mormon women that I have met have been incredibly cute. I mean one is cuter then the next – with a wholesome, all-American beauty. If their darn church weren’t so heavily against pre-marital sexual contact, I’m not sure what I might be driven to.

35

[minor hijack]Which wouldn’t be a bad idea? Swinging the dead cat or hitting someone with the dead cat? Will hitting someone with a dead cat convert them?[/minor hijack]

36

I grew up in a fuzzy, non-agressive midwest protestant church. For us, youth group was a place to hang out with friends. The religion aspect was almost never mentioned. We would go to movies, have ping-pong tournaments, etc., and afterwards pile into the cars for some underage drinking. I think if you pushed most of us, we weren’t very religious.

After high school I headed off to the mean streets of L.A. and that’s where the conversions began. There were a lot of Scientologists around where I lived, the guy with the wooden leg who lived next door was a Scientologist. So, one day my friends and I decided to kill some time and go in for their sales pitch. Basically they hooked us up to what looked like 2 tin cans with wires hanging off the back. Then they would ask us provocative questions and when we answered, a guy sitting in front of a makeshift console would make a buzzer go off. They told each of us we were blocked and by signing up for their program, we could be “cleared”. I felt for the poor suckers running the show. They obviously bought into the scam and were neck deep in it. Tom Cruise or not, there was no way these guys were going to get out without losing a limb! Needless to say, I didn’t bite.

Then there was “Dinner with the Moonies”. I was attending an acting school and one of my classmates was a unapologetic Moonie. Her schooling was being paid for by the Moonies so that she could be a star in their planned television/movie empire. We got to be friends, a bit, she was quite cute. So, eventually she invites a few of us up to the Moonie house for dinner and “the presentation”. I had heard all of the horror stories about kidnapping/brainwashing so I was actually kind of interested. After all, maybe I would have to escape or something adventurous like that. Anywho, she swore there wouldn’t be any funny stuff, everything would be on the up-and-up.

Well, the few of us show up to dinner and all they are serving is this pathetic little bean sprout loaf and apple juice. I was starving! We met some of the other Moonies at the house, including her husband. She didn’t seem to keen on him. She told us she was wed to him in a mass ceremony and she hadn’t met him until the day they were married. OK!

After dinner we had SINGALONG! They passed out sheet music and we were treated to some fine Bob Dylan '60s folk music. My friend Klint insisted on singing in his best Dylan nasal twang. Oh, the hilarity!

Well, after all this foreplay, it was time for THE PRESENTATION! The curtain was drawn back and the blackboard was pushed forward and they went into their pitch. The only thing I really remember about it was that women are definitely second class in their system. In fact, they are considered the source of all darkness and evil. Sort of a take on the yin vs yang = light vs dark = male vs female. UGGHH! They asked us what we thought and we politely told them we would get back to them. So, no kidnapping, no brainwashing, no adventurous escapes. Dang. Later we tried to talk to her about it and she was clearly quite unhappy. But, they owned her, poor dear.

More recently, I seem to be a magnet for prostletizers. I must look lost but approachable, thank god they’re not muggers. If they’re the crazy Korean lady type I just tell them to bug off. But once, however, there was Rodney and Anna. Ah, Anna,…she started off by telling how she used to be such a sinner, until she found Jesus. I just want to know, “You, a sinner? Noooo! I don’t believe you, you have to tell me about this sinning, could you be more specific? Could you describe these sins in detail, maybe pictures perhaps? And is there any danger of you lapsing, perhaps?”

But, alas, Rodney wanted me to read some underlined passages in the Bible that would make me see the way. I couldn’t resist. Oh, yes, the first one made perfect sense. And the second one, why yes, it is entirely reasonable. But the third one, gosh, I just don’t know, nope, I don’t buy it. Try reading them again, sure. Number one, yeah, OK. Number two, right right. Number three, bzzzzz, sorry, no can do. We went around like this a few more times until I thought his head was going to explode. So, they invited me to a meeting later in the week, but, darn it all, I couldn’t make it!

At another time, my apartment managers were Jehovah’s Witnesses but they never bothered me. I would see them standing on street corners with their copies of Watchtower, which was always kinda odd. Also, I’ve gotten to know a lot of LDS and lapsed LDS. They’ve been very forthcoming about their religion when I asked them. They told me all about the funny underwear and stockpiles of food and such. And they are all fine family oriented, community oriented folks. But I just can’t see turning my life over to a group whose founder hallucinated a giant albino lizard. Dude probably ate some moldy bread.

To sum up, I believe in God, he believes in me, we have a healthy professional respect for each other.

37

Try my home city of Lexington, Ky. They’re everywhere.

This thread has very good timing, since two Protestants are currently trying to convert me during weekly lunchtime meetings that I agreed to. They are always polite, never agressive, and very badly informed. I actually had to inform them that modern day Jews are not in the habit of performing ritual goat sacrifices. Not even the Orthodox. Well, their basic idea is that in Christianity, you have a direct connection to God. In Judaism, God doesn’t care about anybody and doesn’t communicate with anybody directly, so you have to communicate in roundabout ways (aka ritual goat sacrifices.)

If any of you Christians out there want to work on Jew conversion, you’d better read up first: http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Workshop/2200/conv-j.htm

38

Heh. ITR, you should hear the things they accuse us Neopagans of doing. Where I come from, sacrificing a goat just means an excuse for a barbecue.

Oddly enough, few people have ever tried to convert me, despite the fact that I grew up thoroughly non-Christian in a small, rabidly conservative Southern Baptist town. I do have a couple of stories to relate, though…

First occasion:
The final time I took the ACT exam (a bit like the SATs) in high school, I had pretty much written it off. I was gone on a band trip until 2:00 AM, and knew I wasn’t going to get enough sleep anyway, so I just stayed out. I remembered the test at about 7:00, and decided to go take it just for grins. I was quite drunk throughout, but I recall sitting next to a little old lady who happened to be LDS and arguing theology with her during the breaks. I have no idea why she was there (taking a test in a hick Baptist town in Louisiana), but I’m sure the experience was nearly as surreal for her as it was for me. She asked for my address so that she could send me a copy of the Book of Mormon; it so happened that I knew Jimmy Swaggart’s address (we had had one of his TVs in our shop, and I had noted the address for just such an emergency), so I gave her that instead. I entertained myself for days on visions of full-scale pamphlet warfare.
Second occasion:
It was a peaceful spring day on LSU campus and, for once, I had nothing at all to do. I decided to spend my lazy-time lounging under one of the huge oak trees ringing the parade ground. It was the very picture of campus life as the administration would like to portray it: the sun was shining, birds were singing, pretty bouncing coeds (and, I suppose, some cute guys for those of you who care) playing frisbee, and someone had managed to find a decent rock station to play at a comfortable volume. I selected a particular oak, an old friend with neatly chair-shaped roots, and settled in for some serious lounging. Nearby, a young woman sat by a basket marked “Kittens–Free to a Good Home”. The kittens in question (half-grown–all eyes and ears and coal-black fur) were romping through the low-hanging branches overhead and kindly entertaining me with their antics when trouble arrived.

Proselytizers were common enough on LSU campus; you could always find one or two standing on benches in front of the Union, haranguing uninterested passers-by. This one was different, though. He had decided to take the battle to the enemy, namely the peaceful, happy people playing on the parade ground. After getting beaned with the frisbee, and nearly trampled, he decided that a stationary target was safer and zeroed in on me. I rose, with the intention of disappearing–better to move on than to have my peaceful mood disrupted. Unfortunately, an open field on a sunny day is a notoriously difficult place to vanish in, even for one of my outstanding unobtrusiveness, and he managed to corner me. He gabbled at me. I gave him a look I normally reserve for unthreatening but slightly gross arthropods, which seemed to throw him off his game a bit. Casting about for an opening, he asked me if I had religion, to which I replied “yes”. (Overhead, a traffic dispute had arisen among the kittens–I amused myself for a moment with visions of all-claws landings on the fellow’s head.) Thinking he sensed weakness, the proselytizer closed in. “What denomination do you belong to?” (Clearly the idea that I wasn’t at least Christian hadn’t entered his mind. :rolleyes: ) I drew myself up to my full (if unimpressive) height and said, “I’m a Witch.”

At that precise moment, one of the kittens lost his case in Tree-Traffic Court, along with his place on the branch. He came tumbling down and made a perfect landing on my shoulder (fortuitously facing my foe), where he froze in a (no doubt stunned) crouch. The nuisance took a step back…then another…and then he was running full tilt among the frisbeers again (where he was knocked flat and disappeared from view).

I adopted the kitten on the spot. I couldn’t get him to let go of my shirt anyway.

39

Balance, where have you told that story before. I know I’ve heard it before, and it’s still giggle-inducing :slight_smile:

40

Balance, that’s one of the Top Ten most perfect stories I’ve ever seen on the SDMB. Kudos.